My Bliss, My Savior
by softballgurl2327
Summary: Lily is struggling with the pressures of being perfect, she feels like she doesn't belong anywhere. Whats going to happen as she tries to make it through life? These years will change her, but for better or worse? First few chapters are rough, gets better
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER- **The setting, characters, and basically everything belongs to J.K. Rowling.

Chapter 1- Not Again…

Lily, once again, was woken up to Petunia shrieking her head off. '_Bloody hell, what now?_' For majority of the summer Lily was woken up by her obnoxious shrieks. _'Well, I better go see what it is before she wakes up mom.' _Blundering down the stairs, Lily saw what made her sister screech at this ungodly hour. "Lucky, come here girl." Lily whispered as she reached the kitchen. Lucky, her owl, was currently sitting atop the fridge glowering at Petunia, who was trying to hit the innocent bird with her frying pan. When Petunia heard Lily call the menace, she turned," Keep your freaky bird away from me! Why can't you be normal? Why did you have to ruin our lives?" Petunia spat at her and stormed upstairs.

Although she always acted calm and impartial when Petunia got into one of her moods, it was just that an act. She grabbed Lucky and headed back into her room, determined not to start crying. _'Wait start crying, I am Lily Evans, I do not cry just because my sister hates me, I don't cry. Sure Petunia makes my life hell at home, and Potter takes over for her at school, but I do NOT cry! Oh who am I kidding yeah I do…'_

She shut her door as the silent tears started to fall. And not for the first time she thought about how different her life would be if she never got that letter when she turned eleven. But what is done is done, as her father would say, look towards the future because it's the only thing you can change. She fell onto her bed and started thinking about her father, Mike Evans. He had been deployed two weeks ago; he was a naval commander for the Royal Navy. She would be leaving for school in two days, two very long days. She sighed and pulled the covers over her head hoping to get a little more sleep before having to face Petunia again.

~ Two Days Later~

As odd as it may sound I love the sound of the trains blowing their whistles, it reminded me that I was going back to a place where I actually had friends and didn't have to worry about waking up to Petunia trying to kill her owl with a frying pan. _'Its good to be back,'_ I thought, as I nonchalantly walked through the wall onto platform 9 ¾. The beauty of the scarlet train never ceased to amaze me. I started through the crowd towards the train trying to find my friends, when I say a glimpse of blonde curls. I immediately made a beeline for them. A smiled crept onto my face as I poked Alice in the back causing her to jump.

"Lily! Its good to see you again!" She yelled as she pulled me into a hug.

"Have you seen Marissa or Jackie yet?" I shouted back. The four of us were all best friends and all Gryffindor fifth years.

"No, I haven't." Alice said as she scanned the crowd for them.

"AAHHHHH!"

Someone had just touched my stomach. I hate it when people do that. My hands automatically going to cover my stomach, it was one of my weird things; nobody was ever permitted to touch my stomach. I turned around a glare already on my face as I looked at the culprit.

"Haha, that never gets old does it?"

"Yes, it does actually. You know that-" But I was cut off as a laughing Jackie pulled me in for a hug. At five foot ten Jackie was the ideal Quidditch chaser, she was slender but strong with long wavy brown hair and huge dark eyes, which give her a haunted look.

"Lily, its time to accept that she will never stop doing that." Marissa said from behind me. Marissa was the picture of beauty; she was five foot three and had pin straight brown hair, with bright baby blue eyes. All three of them tried to stifle their laughter as Lily stalked away and boarded the train without them. They followed in her wake though shaking their heads at their odd friend. They had no idea why she was so peculiar about people touching or talking about her stomach.

**A/N-** All right this was kind of a rough chapter. As you can tell I'm not a writer, but I got an urge to write and I can never judge myself right so let me know if this is extremely pathetic or if I'm not that bad. And if anyone wants to edit for me that would be great because I can edit other people but I can't do my own so if your interested please let me know. Oh yeah and review!


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER-** Everything you don't recognize, yea it's mine.

Chapter 2- Finally Back

Lily had waited all summer to come back to Hogwarts. But, as she climbed into the carriage, she wondered why. She knew the reason, because here at least she had friends and was top of the class in almost every subject. But as she looked up at the magnificent castle she thought about how even here she didn't belong. _'Why can't I ever just belong? Why can't I just be happy? Why can't I be perfect?'_

At least this year she had that gleaming badge on her robes, a constant reminder that she had to have done something right. Because otherwise she would not be a prefect, right? She fought this internal battle in silence. Amazingly her friends either didn't notice or assumed it was because she was dreading seeing Potter at the feast. Either way she was thankful, nobody knew how she felt inside and she didn't want anyone to know. She had always considered telling her friends what she was going through, but she was afraid they would judge her. Deep down she knew they wouldn't, but it was always in the back of her mind that if they knew what she did, that they would be repulsed by her, and want nothing else to do with her. '_Ugh, why can't I be like a normal teenage girl, oh yeah because I'm not normal, as Petunia would say, I'm a freak.' _And with that in her mind she walked up the steps and into the Great Hall to enjoy the Welcome Feast.

() () () () () () () ()

"Haha, did you see Snivelus' face? That was bloody hilarious there mate!" Sirius Black wiped away an imaginary tear as he was over taken in fits of laughter. He and his best mate, James Potter had started out the year picking on Severus Snape, a greasy haired Slytherin with a hooked nose. 

As they walked towards the carriage Sirius managed to get enough self-control to wink at a pack of giggling girls. James just rolled his eyes, _'I guess some things will never change.'_ Sirius liked to think that with his long dark hair, and dreamy eyes that he was god's gift to women. So naturally, he had dated the Hogwarts female population at least once. Well most of it. He had yet to hook up with any of the Gryffindor girls, probably because Evans would kill them for going out with his best mate. Why did Evans have to hate him so much? He wasn't that bad of a bloke. Sure there were the pranks but people deserved to laugh every once in awhile now. Every thing was so grim with the current war between the Order and Voldemort. His thoughts drifted back to a certain little red head with big emerald eyes, when Remus suddenly pulled him from his thoughts by whacking him in the shoulder.

"What the bloody hell was that for?"

"Well, it could be because you have been staring of into space for the last five minutes and we need to get up to the school early to set up."

"You didn't need to hit me." James said defensively as he climbed onto the carriage after a snickering Remus.

() () () () () () () ()

"This does not look good." Marissa whispered to Lily pointing to the four Marauders sneaking into the Feast halfway through the sorting.

"Why do they insist on starting out every year with one of their childish pranks?" Lily hissed back, clearly already annoyed by Potter.

"I just don't know why you two won't admit that their pranks are funny…" Jackie cut of quickly once she saw the death glare Lily was sending her way. For some reason Jackie always stood up for the marauders. Maybe it was because she was on the Quidditch team with two of them, but Lily was sure it was because she had a crush on one of them.

Finally the sorting was finished and Professor Dumbledore stood up to address his students. "To our older students welcome back to another excellent year at Hogwarts, and to the first years welcome, I am sure you with come to think of this place as your home in the next seven years. Just a few quick reminders before we gorge ourselves on the wonderful feast. The Forbidden Forest is forbidden to anyone who does not wish to die a most painful death. And in light of the new Dark Lord rising in power, all Hogsmeade visits are strictly for fifth year students and above." Many groans started around the hall from the third and fourth years. "ATTENTION! There will be no exceptions. Anyone caught in the grounds after hours will receive three months of detention or even suspension. Now on a happier note, we have two new Professors this year. Professor McArthur will be taking over the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts, and Professor Gates will be the new Herbology teacher. Tuck in." At these words the tables filled with delicious food, and the students eagerly dove in. To bad no one noticed that four Gryffindor boys just sat there quietly ignoring there food and watching their fellow classmates, well almost no one noticed one red head toke notice, ignoring the food in front of her and scanned the hall. Suddenly the hall erupted with screams from the Slytherin table.

**A/N**- Haha I had to leave this with a cliffhanger. I felt like I had to update right away because I probably won't be able to again until this weekend. It's a miracle I got this one up with the double header I had this morning. Won one lost one, had a pretty good catch out in right field actually…but you don't care about that. Just thought I'd post this before church. Let me now if you have any ideas for some pranks. It would be greatly appreciated everything I come up with sounds dorky.


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER- **blah blah blah I don't own this I know…way to get me down…

**A/N-** Okay the second part of this chapter takes place after the confrontation at the lake that we see in the 5th book, and I didn't feel like repeating it because we all know what happened… well enjoy!

Chapter 3- The Lake Effect

The Great Hall was filled with shrieks from the students, and even the teachers as they tried to eat. Their steaks suddenly sprouted faces and tried to hold conversations with them, but as soon as they saw a fork or a knife they would shriek their heads off. At first some of the students found this funny. That was until the bacon tried to avenge the steak by jumping on, and poking the unsuspecting students and teachers. Shouts of _'immobilous'_ could be heard from the head table, but that only seemed to anger the steaks and bacon more causing them to fling silverware at anyone who got close enough. And of course the marauders who had steered clear of the steak and bacon found this entirely hilarious, except for Remus who was glancing around anxiously and Peter who, well, was confused as normal.

"Get under the tables!"

Everyone followed the command without knowing who the mastermind behind it was. Lily dove under the table to look at her best friends all of whom had their hair pulled out, and their robes torn. "Those immature jerks! They can't go one year without trying to break the Great Hall during the Welcome Feast can they?" Lily ranted from her cramped spot under the table.

Suddenly all was calm up above and a few students tentatively stuck their heads out, like the first flowers of spring. The coast, miraculously, seemed clear. Courageously the students resumed their eating. All but one, Lily Evans immediately rushed over to where the marauders stood laughing their heads off. Well, at least two of them were. "You guys think this is bloody hilarious don't you?" she shrieked as soon as she came close enough to them.

"Merlin, Evans why can't you just appreciate our humor like everyone else does?"

"Because Potter, it's not funny!"

"Oh and why is that. I think it's, as you said, 'bloody hilarious'"

"You git, you could have very easily injured someone tonight. Honestly chucking silverware, what a bright idea."

"Why do you have to ruin everything Evans? Why can't you just back off and leave me and my mates alone?" Sirius said with a note of finality as if tempting Lily to saw more. So with one last scowl, she trudged up the stairs and into her dormitory, completely forgetting about leading the first years.

() () () () () () () ()

It had been several weeks sense the Welcome Feast incident, and Lily Evans was currently in mid rant about one James Potter and a certain act he did in Charms class. This rant however was broken up when she saw a crowd forming on the other side of the lake. "And look! He is probably doing something right now! As if making a fool out of me in Charms wasn't enough!" She was still muttering under her breath about how he had turned her hair into a dark blue hair with an image of the Giant Squid floating through it. It wasn't until lunch that she noticed. _'I must have looked like an idiot!'_ she thought as she ran across the grass towards the giant crowd that was forming around the Black Lake.

As she approached the growing circle, he eyes fell upon yet another of the Potter-Snape fights. Potter and Snape were walking slowly, circling each other. The crowd was cheering them on as the two were shouting at each other. Lily couldn't understand what they were saying, the crowd was chanting a dull roar reaching her ears as she was being jostled around, trying to make her way to the front.

Just as she broke through the last few rows, curses started to fly across the field. "Stop!" she screamed as she burst through the last row of people. Snape was hanging upside down by his ankle, and Potter turned around at her voice. There was a slash across his cheek, the blood was dripping down his chin and staining his robes as he reached his hand up to ruffle his hair. "Hey, Evans! How you doin'?" he called as he looked her up down, not bothering to hide the fact that he was checking her out.

Lily scowled as she turned to make sure Snape was okay. With a flick of her wand he landed lightly on his feet, trying to regain his balance. Lily started to make her way over to him. That was until an outburst from Potter caused her to turn around. "Hey, Evans! Why did you have to go and ruin all my fun?" Potter pouted as he wiped the blood off his cheek with the back of his hand.

"Oh, I'm just so sorry Potter." Lily sneered looking at him with disgust, which turned into astonishment as she saw Potter being lifted up and slowly making his way towards Snape. She couldn't move, for some unknown reason her legs refused to move as she stood there gazing up at Potter who was being dragged through the air, as if by an invisible rope, towards the Black Lake. Lily was still in shock as she saw Snape flicked his wrist and Potter fall about fifty feet into the water below. "Snape!" Lily shouted as she ran to the edge of the lake. She saw Potter treading water in the middle of the lake, a look of disbelief on his face. "What did you do?" Lily shouted turning back to Sev.

"Why do you care?" Sev spat. As he looked at her with an odd look on his face.

"Sev, get him out of there he could get hurt." Lily said as she looked back out at the lake and saw Potter swimming back to shore.

"No, he deserved it. He's a prat." Sev said as she looked at her with that same odd look.

"Sev, he may be a prat, but he still could get hurt. Get him out of there." Sev looked happier as Lily dissed Potter. They both looked back at the Black Lake to see Potter being dragged under the water by a long slippery tentacle wrapped around his waist. "NOOOO!" Lily shouted as she lounged for her wand. She pulled out her wand and looked desperately at the lake, but she couldn't see anything. "Where is he?" she muttered to herself as she looked anxiously around the lake looking for any sign of the kid the squid took hostage. Suddenly she had an idea. She pointed her wand over the lake and screamed "ACCIO POTTER!" Her eyes almost popped out of her head when she saw the messy-haired boy fly out of the water and zoom over towards her.

She was shocked that it actually worked; it was the only thing she could think of. She just stood there as Potter came zooming towards her, it wasn't until he had landed on her did she realize that she probably should have moved.

Lily grunted as Potter fell on top of her, knocking the wind out of her. "Potter…get…off…" Lily gasped as she tried to get air into her lungs, but the bulky Quidditch player sitting on her made that difficult. Potter slowly rolled off her. His eyes were closed as he lay on the ground next to her breathing heavily.

After a few minutes with the crowd staring at them, Lily slowly sat up and turned to Potter who was still breathing heavily as if he had just ran two miles. "Are you okay?" She said breathlessly.

He sat up, his eyes still closed. "Yea, my throat is a little dry though." He finished this sentence with a coughing fit. He gradually stood up, as his muscles were aching from the lack of oxygen he had just experienced. He turned to Evans and held out his hand, helping her up. He swiftly pulled her on to her feet and flashed his famous smile at her. However this smirk did not work on her like it did on all the other girls.

"Let go of me." She said as she pulled away.

"Wait, Evans, where are you going?" He called just above a whisper as his voice was still extremely sore.

"I'm leaving before you do something else brilliant to get yourself killed." Lily said as she turned around and ran back up to the castle.

() () () () () () () ()

Lily was in her room just staring at the walls. _'How could Snape just cast potter into the lake like that? How could the boy I grew up with just cast him aside like that? Didn't he realize that Potter could have really gotten hurt? Sure he was a prat but that doesn't mean he can cast him aside like that! Potter could have died! What the hell was he thinking?'_ Thoughts kept zooming around her head, bashing into her skull. _'How could life have gotten this messed up? Why does my life always have to be thrown upside down?'_

Lily was still sitting on her bed, staring off into space, when a sudden knock came on the door.

"What do you want?" Lily snapped as she saw a fourth year standing awkwardly in front of her door. She knew that girl…was it Massey? Marley? No it was Mary, one of the smartest fourth years she had ever met.

"Well…umm…you see there is a boy outside the portrait demanding to see Lily so I thought I would...umm…let you know that." And with that said, the terrified fourth year ran back down to the common room.

"I suppose I should go see what that was about." Lily said to her friends who were sitting on their beds, just waiting for Lily to talk about it. And with that Lily stood up and stalked forward head held high, out of their dormitory.

As soon as the door was closed Marissa turned around and said, "Who do you think wants to talk to her?"

"I don't know," Alice replied, "I just hope it isn't Potter or Snape."

() () () () () () () ()

"Lily! Lily, I'm so sorry, I didn't know that would happen…" But Snape stopped his well-prepared apology as Lily just held up her head motioning for him to stop.

"Sev, just stop okay. And you did mean what you did by the lake." Lily just held up her hand again signaling Sev to stop. "Yes, you did mean it. You always go off about how you are going to kill Potter. I just never knew you were serious."And with that Lily ran back up to her dormitory not wanting Sev…to see the tears forming at the thought of him trying to kill someone…even if it was Potter, murder is just going way too far

As she burst through the portrait hole, the sight that met her was quite unusual. Potter was sitting alone on the couch, head thrown back, hair flopping over his eyes, glasses hanging on the edge of his ears. It was strange enough that he was sleeping in the middle of the common room, but _'Why is he in the common room? Why isn't there a crowd of people swooning over him? Why is he asleep in here? Why isn't he in the Hospital Wing? Ugh…I do not want to think about this. I just want to go upstairs and sleep.'_

Lily tried to pass through the common room silently. But that was ruined when she tripped over one of the study tables on her way to the stairs. She was sent flying on the floor and landed with a big 'humph'. She landed flat on her face, she grunted as she turned over onto her back. She was really sick of falling over. It was the second time today. Apparently her discomfort did not go unnoticed. As the black-haired boy sleeping on the couch on the other side of the room stood up abruptly, and scanned the room at the noise.

"Wha…what the? Evans?" he whispered, his voice still rough. "What are you doing on the floor?" He said as he put his glasses back on and pulled his hair out of his face.

"It's not like I did it on purpose. I tripped!" Lily said as she looked up at him from her spot on the floor. Potter just sat on the couch and sniggered,

"I knew I made you weak in the knees but this is getting ridiculous." He said as he walked over and held out his hand for her.

"Get away from me you giant prat!" Lily yelled as she stood up and ran up to her dormitory. _'How could I have thought he was okay? How could I have cared about him? Ugh!'_

"Oh, come on Evans, it's not that hard! Just admit it! You love me, you always have! Just like that idiot Snape loves you! Why can't you just admit that you love me? Or are you too messed up to love someone? "Potter yelled as she reached the stairs.

And with that Lily turned and slapped Potter hard across the face leaving a dark red mark. "What the hell do you know about love? And I won't admit I love you because I don't! I'm not messed up, you just piss me off! You are such a prat!" She yelled as she sprinted up the steps, her head spinning from her confrontation with Snape and the fact that Potter had just shouted that she loved him. That she was too messed up to love someone. Ugh, why can't Potter just leave her alone?

**A/N- **Now I have been good at updating so far but I'm afraid that is going to change because I think I just bombed my biology exam…oops well in that in mind I will try to post Chapter 4 today to but it will definitely be up tomorrow around this time or earlier…ok I'm just rambling now…and so I know everyone says this but please review it really motivates me to write…come on hit that little button you know you want to just click it, it won't hurt you…but it will help me so CLICK IT! Please…


	4. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER- **Yes I know I don't own this. You don't need to rub it in.

A/N- I know that 5th year is flying by but everything I have planned happens in the 6th year so why don't we fly by the boring stuff.

Chapter 4- One Mysterious Night

The boys were running out of time Christmas break was three weeks away and they needed to finish before the holidays otherwise the potion would be useless and they would have to start all over.

"Peter, I swear if your hand hits my bum one more time, there will be a reason behind you mumbling in your sleep." Sirius threatened as the four Marauders made their way to their secret room.

"Shut it will you, your going to get us all caught!" Remus hissed from behind him. The four boys evidentially could not fit under James' cloak as comfortably as they had in the past.

"Remus, we are invisible, even if we passed someone they wouldn't be able to tell who it was." Sirius replied.

"True, except you keep bloody saying our names!"

"Both of you shut it before I come back there and shut you up!" James called from the front. It was eerily quiet right after his outburst as they heard someone knock into something. So they continued their course in silence, not wanting to get caught by Mr. Filch, or worse, McGonagall.

() () () () () () () ()

"OK," Remus said as he stepped away from the potion, "I think this is right, I mean it is the right color and everything."

"Are you sure? Last time I was in the hospital for a week with a furry tail and I don't think that Madame Pomfrey will accept that I had no idea who had tried to turn me into an animal again. I mean it was amazing she believed it in the first place." Sirius stated with a look of nostalgia at that awkward encounter with the school Healer.

"Yeah, but that time it wasn't the right shade of blue, and we used the bowstruckles this time instead of bockstruckles." Remus replied.

"Hey, the instructions were smudged!" Peter shouted from the back of the room, obviously feeling the need to redeem himself.

"Nobody said it was your fault." James sighed from beside Remus. "Well, I guess its my turn to go first." And with that, he grabbed the bright blue potion from Remus and drank it in one gulp, and then it happened, he was aware of it and totally oblivious at the same time. James was lifted into the air as he felt this sense of euphoria. He could feel his legs and arms bulking up and stretching, as his back curved and two things popped out of his skull. He winced when they broke the surface, but he felt no pain just this sense of right, this sense that everything was peaceful and that this was who he was supposed to be. And then, as suddenly as it started, it stopped. And he was standing there in front of his friends, as they looked at him in amassment. He tried to ask how he looked but he found he couldn't speak. So after a few laps around the room, he transformed back into his human form and just sat there staring at them until, finally, Sirius spoke up.

"That was so cool mate. You're a bloody stag! I wonder what I am. I call next!" And with that Sirius leaped up from his spot on the floor and grabbed the potion and took one huge sallow. And just like James, Sirius was lifted up into the air and painlessly stretched into a new form, a rather hairy form. And just like that a large black dog stood right where Sirius had been standing moment before. And with his tail wagging like there was no tomorrow, he leapt on top of the three boys. And then the big black dog that was crushing them to death, suddenly changed into one of their best friends who couldn't stop laughing at "the look on your bleeding faces".

"Me next, me next!" Peter yelled as he blundered over to the table to get his share of the potion. And then something strange happened, instead of being thrust into the air to expand into his new form like James and Sirius were. Peter just stood where he was as he started to contract into himself, and then on the floor where their mate had been standing a moment before, laid a furry, brown rat. As he changed back Peter was dumbstruck. "A rat? You two get dog and stag and I get a bleeding rat?"

"Maybe it was supposed to symbolize that you can always weasel your way out of things." Sirius said half-heartedly. "Well, I think that this requires some new names!" He finished excitedly.

"What are you talking about Sirius?" Remus inquired.

"Well, this is a big occasion, I mean we have been trying to do this since third year. So new nicknames may just be the way to celebrate this feat. That is unless you have something else in mind?" Sirius was practically bouncing in his seat at the thought of all the fun they could have in their new form. And as wacky as Sirius was they admitted that they should celebrate this some way and since nobody could come up with a better idea, they decided to get new nicknames based off of their 'other' form.

() () () () () () () ()

_'An A, how could I have possibly gotten an A? I'm supposed to be good at Charms. That is supposed to be my talent, and I can't even do that!' _Lily sat on her bed having an argument with herself, once again, about how she doesn't belong here. And how she is a disgrace. The list just goes on and on. Which did not turn out so well for Lily since she was already fed up with herself. Not being able to handle the cheerful chatter of her roommates anymore, she got up and stalked out of the dormitory saying, "I'm going to go work on some homework in the library."

Her friends just gave her odd looks as she left since curfew was in one hour and Lily Evans never disobeyed the rules. But they let it slide, not noticing that something was wrong with their friend.

Lily was still having the internal battle inside her head as she aimlessly walked around the castle. It wasn't until she heard two boys bickering that she looked down at her watch and noticed that curfew started two hours ago. She gave a little jump and tripped over the suit of armor as she tried to run back to the common room. She just stood there, listening. Afraid that who ever she had heard arguing would come to investigate she ran back up to the common room.

But once she was there she realized just how much she did not want to go up to bed. Whenever she got into one of her moods, it was best to stay away from everybody, especially her friends. Just because they didn't notice earlier didn't mean that they wouldn't start to catch on. Gazing around the room, she noticed that odd enough, no one was down here. _'Well, I might as well try to do some Charms to make up for that stupid A.' _So with that she sat down on the couch and went to work. But the fire was dwindling and she couldn't she that well, so she just pushed her books away and laid down thoughts circling through her head. _'Ugh, why does something so trivial as not getting a perfect score bother me so much?' _A voice, sounding strangely like Petunia, answered her. _'Maybe because it proves that your not perfect. It shows that you are just another person in the crowd. You're nothing special. Who would ever want to be Lily Evans? Let alone be friends with her. Isn't it amazing how you have had this issue for two years and none of your so-called friends even noticed?' 'Why won't you just ever get out of my head, and leave me alone! Why can't you just leave me alone?' _With that Lily chocked up as a new wave a tears flooded over her. She curled up in a ball and let her silent tears fall. She fell asleep in this balled up position, sprawled awkwardly on the couch.

() () () () () () () ()

As the marauders approached the common room, they got louder and louder. However, as they approached the common room they go quiet since that was where McGonagall liked to patrol when it was her job, which Remus had informed them was tonight.

They all tried to go through the entryway at once, causing them to fall on their bums. "What was that? You gits lost my cloak!" James hissed as he stood up, rubbing his bum tenderly. For a good ten minutes the four marauders crawled around on their hands and knees trying to find something invisible.

Finally Sirius thrust his arm into the air. His hand no where to be seen, "I got it!" So with James clutching the cloak in one hand, the four boys tried once again to enter their common room. They all headed straight to their dormitory in silence. That was until they heard a small whimper from the couches. James froze as he slowly turned towards the couch, his heart pounding against his chest. _'Why is someone still in the common room at this hour? Oh, no are they going to turn them in? How am I going to be able to explain away them coming into the common room at bloody three in the morning!'_ And when he saw the red hair glistening from the sliver of light that the fire still had, his heart beat quickened as a whole new set of questions popped into his head. _'Why in the name of Merlin's most obnoxious boxers is Evans sleeping in the common room? Did she get in a fight with her roommates? Was she waiting up to catch him sneaking back up to his dormitory?' _Strangely, this last thought caused something to fill up inside him. A feeling he couldn't place. But he decided he liked it. He just stood there staring as his best mates, amazed by their luck, hurried up to their dormitory before she woke up and gave them all detentions. James stood there for a moment longer soaking up this serene picture.

'_She looks so peaceful when she sleeps…beautiful. But then again she always does. Wait, what did I just think? Did I really just think that Evans was beautiful?' _But the proof was right there in front of him. She was truly beautiful, even sprawled as awkwardly as she was on the couch. And so with out even thinking about, he walked over and moved her legs off of the floor and onto the couch, so she was lying down. It was at that moment sitting across from her in one of the armchairs that James realized he liked her. Not making fun of her, or terrorizing her, but actually _liked_ her.

That feeling overtook him again as he watched her sleep, that warm feeling that made him feel like his stomach just feel out of his bum. And as awkward as it sounded he liked the feeling that seeing Evans gave him. As he watched her he noticed that she had goose bumps on her arms, so he summoned a blanket and delicately put it over her. His heart jumped into his throat as she moved, pulling the blanket closer, brushing against his skin. So with one last long look at her, he reluctantly climbed the steps to his dormitory. Where his bed laid waiting, promising dreams of this new Evans fantasy he discovered. As soon as his head hit the pillow, the dreams pulled him into their world of pleasing thoughts. While, downstairs Lily was having a nightmare of her worst fear happening. But for one moment, something soft and reassuring grabbed her hand. Making her feel like she could get through this hell.

**A/N- **Holy crap! Five pages! Sorry I didn't get this up yesterday, but I had no idea how to end it and I had a huge history project that I had to do. And to make it up to you guys, my faithful readers. I have put off my three hours of homework to sit down and write this for the past two hours, so appreciate it. And I'll hear from you in the reviews right? Please…look at this I'm begging you now…REVIEW!


	5. Chapter 5

**DISCLAIMER-** I do not own this yada yada yada…

**A/N-** OK I just got back from spending two nights at my bff's house…so naturally I didn't sleep and I have a softball game tomorrow that I have to get up at 6:30 for so you are very lucky that I'm writing this! And a note that was supposed to be on last chapter, isn't bum a funny word?

Chapter 5- Merry Freaking Christmas Part One

I was standing. somewhere, everything was dark. Then suddenly heavy footsteps sounded behind me, and I started to run. I ran as fast and as hard as I could, but I could not put enough distance in between us. I was failing, again. And with every step a shot of pain emitted from my stomach. I looked down and screamed; my hand was punching my stomach so hard it was bleeding. Shocked that I was unaware at what I was doing, all I could do was keep on running, pushing through the pain. When suddenly something touched my hand. And with that one touch my hand burned; it filled up inside of me, it stopped my fist, and took away the pain.

With the courage that that one touch had given me, I ran as hard as I could away from the footsteps, with each step the distance grew. And just as I was reaching the end, the light, the way out I awoke with a start.

Franticly glancing around I realized that I was sitting in the common room, the fire was basically dead and a blanket was tucked around me. Once my heartbeat began to slow I realized I was too tired to climb the stairs so I snuggled closer to the blanket and lay down. Hoping for better dreams.

() () () () () () () ()

Up in the 6th year boy dormitories, an entirely different dream was taking place.

'_I am the luckiest bloke in the world.'_ I thought as I walked by the lake. Lily was sitting on the edge reading her book as always. But there was something different about it this time. This time I felt like I had to go near her, not to annoy her, but to comfort her. Comfort her? Why would I think that? As. I came closer I realized she was crying. It was as if someone had shot me with a jelly legs jinx. I walked over to her quietly, once I regained control of my limbs.

Suddenly I was standing right behind her. Hesitantly I put one of my hands on her shoulder. I could feel her back stiffen as she turned to look at me. "I'm sorry," I said, "I didn't mean for you to find out like that. I should have just told you_." 'What? I'm sorry? What did I do? What did She find out? Can I know what this me knows?'_

Severely confused by this whole conversation I just looked down at her and saw the hurt mixed with a sense of relief and I crumpled down next to her. I had never in all my life seen Evans...Lily look hurt. So thinking fast I just put my arm around her and looked out toward the lake letting her silent tears continue to fall. Until she called me, "James" _'Since when did she call me James?'_ But instead I just looked at her as if all of this was normal.

"James, James, Oi Prongs get your arse out of bed!"

Slowly James looked up to see Sirius standing above him. The smile that stretched across Sirius' face seriously scared James. (A/N Sirius humor…haha)

"What?" he said rubbing his eyes in an effort to keep them open.

"Just thought I'd check on you, you were downstairs with Evans for like an hour. Thought she might have killed you." Sirius said with a faint smile on his face.

"Oh, haha your bloody hilarious mate. Now if you don't mind I am going back to sleep." But he didn't, James stayed up thinking about how Sirius was right. It _was_ a miracle that he had stayed down there for an hour with her and had emerged without a single hex being cast. The thought troubled him greatly. He liked her. At least he thought he did, but that didn't matter. He liked the way that Evans made his heart fall right out of his bum, and the way her brow furled when she was angry and how when she was studying that she was completely zoned out to the things going on around her. _'Wow, I really do like Evans.' _And the thing was he didn't know if he wanted to. To say it nicely they had never really gotten along. _'But your James freaking Potter, you're a marauder, you're a Quidditch Chaser, you can definitely get someone as amazing as Evans.'_

() () () () () () () ()

Christmas break could not have come soon enough. Lily thought as she looked around the compartment at her three best friends. Of course she loved them, but she needed a break from their watchful eyes, especially Potter's.

Ever since she had had that dream in the common room, Potter had been watching her like a hippogriff. Normally she would not have hesitated to have a row with Potter, but something was different here. He wasn't staring like he used to, like he was waiting for a chance to laugh at her, more like he was just observing her. Watching her to find out more about her. And as odd as his staring was, what was stranger was the fact that Lily somewhat liked the staring. It made her feel important. _'Gah, I do NOT like him staring at me! I do not like him. He is a git. He is a narcissistic prick, and I do not like him!'_

The train ride consisted of Lily yelling at herself for even remotely liking anything to do with Potter, and decided that once they were off the train he was going to get an earful. But as she stepped out onto the platform to find Potter, she changed her mind. What she saw him doing was so unPotterish that she was speechless. She felt a tugging on her heart as she continued to look at him. Quickly she broke their eye contact and walked right through the barrier to meet her mum.

() () () () () () () ()

James hopped off the train quickly with his luggage and Sirius in tow. He looked around the station anxiously before he finally spotting the short redhead woman he had been thinking about since he received the letter two days ago. Grabbing Sirius' arm, he speed off towards his mum. Before either of them said anything James swept her up in a massive hug, lifting her off of the ground. "Mum, is he okay? What happened exactly?" James asked as soon as he put her back on the ground.

"They're not sure, he was on duty and then all of the suddenly Alex…Mr. Prewett arrived at St. Mungos with him. It doesn't look good James." His mum finished trying to hold back another wave of tears. He moved over to his mum and put an arm around her.

"How about we drop off our luggage and then we will go see if they found anything out yet. Okay?"

Mrs. Potter smiled up at her son, relieved that at least one of them was able to keep a level head through all of this. "Sounds like a plan, why don't you two go get your luggage."

"Of course," and as James turned to pick up his luggage, a silent tear rolled down his cheek. For the past two days he had tried to ignore what the letter told him by staring even more intently at Evans. In fact he was surprised that she didn't yell at him. As he stood back up he caught eyes with Evans herself. But something changed in her expression as she looked at him. Instead of the cold look just moments before, she looked…sad, heartbroken even.

() () () () () () () ()

The holidays passed at the Evans' home just like normal, except this time something was a little different. Petunia wasn't quite as horrible. Sure she still insulted Lily at every chance she got. But Lily had the feeling she would be returning to Hogwarts with much fewer bruises then in previous years.

"LILY!" Petunia shrieked from downstairs. Lily's stomach was already hurting and she didn't want to have to go downstairs, but she knew she had to.

"COMING!" she replied as she slowly made her way downstairs. As she walked into the living room Lily would have feel to the floor laughing if it wasn't for the look her sister was giving her. Lucky had finally returned from Alice's house, and had started eating the scraps off of Petunias plate on the coffee table. "Yes?" she asked once she had been able to swallow her laughter at the sight of Petunia hiding behind a whale, oh wait that wasn't a whale that was Vernon. Vernon was Petunia's 'boyfriend'. Even tying the word 'boy' to him as loosely as that did was ridiculous. That man was no boy, he was huge. And was not afraid to through around his wait. Stupid boxer.

"I told you to lock that…that…menace up when you came home!" Petunia shrieked as she dove behind Vernon once more, since the bird in question had moved her head. Honestly.

"Petunia, I do not take orders from you. Besides I can't keep her locked up. She would go nuts."

"Well then she would fit in with you and your freaks wouldn't she?" Vernon said smugly as if that had just finished the argument.

"Oh shut up Vernon. Nobody gives a damn about you or your bloody drills!" Lily spat back. Astounded that her mom hadn't stepped in.

"Don't talk to him! Why can't you just be normal and leave me alone?"

"IN case you didn't notice Petunia I would be perfectly happy to stay away from you, but you keep calling me downstairs because you're afraid of an owl! It's a bloody bird. For goodness sake it isn't going to eat you! Personally, I would be more afraid of Vernon eating me than my bird!" Lily spat back. Pleased that she had finally stuck up for herself. Vernon who was still shocked from her first remark was having trouble processing this, while Petunia just looked well shocked.

"Why you little…" But Petunia was cut off as their mum stood up from the couch and said,

"Both of you stop fighting. Lily take Lucky upstairs and keep her away from Petunia. NOW!" she said as Lily started to protest. Lily held out her arm for Lucky, before stalking upstairs leaving a tired looking mother and a smug looking Petunia in her wake. Vernon was still trying to process what had just happened as Lily stalked upstairs. 'Fine they don't want me around then I'll just stay up here.' Lily thought as she slammed her door closed, determined not to crack before them. But that toke a lot longer than she had thought.

() () () () () () () ()

The Potter house, while busier than the Evans' house, was no less stressful. The two Potters and one Black arrived at St. Mungos shortly after the scarlet train had arrived in London. It turned out that Mr. Potter had been assaulted with the cruciatus curse. The sheer amount of it was enough to keep him unconscious for a few days, but on top of that he had many cuts and bruises all over his body, as if he had been tortured.

The healers assured them that he looked a lot worse than he actually was, and that he should be realized in time for Christmas. James and Sirius stayed for a few minutes after the healer had left, but soon left also to give Mrs. Potter some time alone with her husband.

A/N- Sorry this took so long but after softball…(we won both 15-5 and 24-2) I was exhausted plus I have two big tests in Biology and History so I haven't really had time…and my reviews are getting pretty low so I am going to make all of you a deal. I'll keep writing but I won't post until I have 5 new reviews...ok? I'm glad you agree.


	6. Chapter 6

**DISCLAIMER-** I don't own this…Why do we have to say this all the time?

A/N- Thank you WriteYourselfALoveSong for actually reviewing! I got so excited I squealed even though it was like midnight when I got the e-mail and it pissed my brother off…always a plus. Anyways you don't want to hear me talk so read and review! Yes, you must review!

Chapter 6- Merry Freaking Christmas Part Two

Christmas came and went at the Potter Manor and Mr. Potter still had not returned. James felt so helpless. He and Sirius were trying hard not to get in Mrs. Potter's way. This wasn't hard, since she hadn't left her room in days. Apparently, it was as bad as it looked.

They had visited him at Christmas and he was still unconscious. However, this time it was because the Healers kept administering Dreamless Sleep Potion. He had woken up once and was in too much pain so the Healers thought it would be best if they kept him under until all of the cuts had healed. They had been able to mend the shallow ones, but the deep ones would not respond to any magical treatment they could find so they had to wait it out. Yesterday the last of his cuts had scabbed over so they were all just waiting for him to wake up.

It was a long wait.

Christmas was not a joyous time at the Evans' house either. Between the incident with Lucky and now, a lot more fights had occurred. And it didn't help that their mum refused to take sides. But when she did she usually sided with Petunia. Besides the fights and Petunia and that beast of a bloke she was dating getting really serious, not much had changed.

Lily sat on her bed, thinking about Christmas.

FLASHBACK

'_Of course I am the one who gets up first'_ I thought as I walked down the stairs to the Kitchen. It had been a known fact that whoever woke up first in the household had to make breakfast. Sighing, I walked to the fridge to pull out the eggs, bacon, and milk. Grabbing the pancake mix and chocolate chips from the pantry I set to work. Petunia was the first one down. _'Perfect'_ I thought and continued flipping pancakes.

"Do those have chocolate chips in them?" She practically shrieked.

"Yes they do." I responded through gritted teeth. I really had no tolerance for her. I had just opened Potters present. So I wasn't exactly in the best mood.

"That is so disgusting. I can't believe you eat all those carbs, that's so bad for you. Chocolate and bacon, I'm surprised you haven't dropped dead yet, on second thought, I'm sure it is delicious. Eat up!" She yelled after she had grabbed an apple and ran upstairs to get ready. Mum had invited Vernon to spend Christmas morning with us.

"Why that little…" I said to no one in particular. _'Why is it that I have to deal with her and Potter? Can't they give me a little break?'_ She sighed as she finished the pancakes. With nothing else to do I stood by the stove chopping on my 'delicious deadly carbs'. I stood there waiting for mum to wake up, when a knock came at the door.

"Oh, it's _you_…" It said as he tried to fit through the doorway.

"What were you expecting? I kind of live here." I was in no state to deal with any of this right now. Instead of moving over to let him get passed me into the house. I just shut the door again and headed back upstairs. I could her him ringing the doorbell impatiently as I trudged up the stairs to my room. Snickering to myself I slammed the door shut. As I sat on the bed I could her Petunia arguing with mum. About what I didn't really care. I wasn't coming out of this room and that was final. A few minutes later the front door slammed and Vernon and Petunia got in his car and drove off. Mum stayed in her room for the rest of the day, and Petunia didn't return till late that night. Merry freaking Christmas...

**END FLASHBACK**

Lily picked up Potters gift again. It was an over the top gold necklace that said Lily on it. Originally she thought it was nice until she say that the back said, "Your Mine". Of course he would find someway to discreetly 'mark his territory' so to speak, even if it was hidden from everyone else.

But this year instead of throwing away his present like she always did, she kept it. Somehow things seemed to be different between them. She couldn't exactly tell what it was. But somehow he had changed.

Two days before the annual Masquerade Ball, Mr. Potter woke up. He would be returning home on bed rest the following day. Excited by the news, James and Sirius went around and redecorated the house for Christmas. They were determined to have a Christmas Day with Mr. Potter.

And when Mr. Potter finally did return they had their Christmas. While it was not the traditional Christmas, James loved it, because he got to share it with his family. After the whole ordeal with his dad, James realized just how real this war was. He started to notice how much this war was affecting everyday life and he was a little nervous about his parents being a part of it. Of course he knew that they were fighting against the Dark Lord and that they were doing the right thing. He was afraid that he would lose them, but he never told anybody.

Lily was running around the room, packing everything insight. She had just received a letter from Jackie inviting her to her annual New Years Eve Masquerade Ball and to spend the rest of vacation with her, Alice and Marissa at her house. Lily was heading there early so she could get away from her sister, and because she needed to get dress robes. An hour later she stumbled into the McKinnon's Manor. She had always known that Jackie was loaded especially since her parents were such important aruors.

Two hours later the girls arrived at Diagon Alley and headed straight towards Madam Malkins. Jackie already had her dress. The top had silver accents. It was pale blue on top and slowly blended into navy blue at the bottom.

Marissa already had a dress on hold. Her dress fitted her tightly around the bodice, but flared out enormously once it hit her hips. The bubble gum pink of her dress matched her personality perfectly. The girls looked so fantastic in theirs that Lily was afraid to try on hers. And despite her refusal to try on any dresses, Her friends had some how already forced her into three. The first one was a floor-length deep plum colored gown that puffed out at the hips, really not flattering.

The second was knee length maroon color that had off the shoulder sleeves that flowed down and reattached to the skirt. Which while beautiful, mesh well with her red hair, so Marissa got it instead. The third dress was a sleeveless dress that ended just before the knees. The deep emerald green color blended into a pale green color at the trim.

As she stepped out, she heard her friends gasp. She was positively stunning. She was wearing a strapless, emerald dress that hugged her curves and flared out into elegant ruffles just below her bum. Lily had finally found her perfect dress. The emerald of the dress made her eyes pop and the simplicity of the dress made her look both youthful and mature.

After Lily, Alice headed into the dressing room with three gowns. But she didn't need them the first one was perfect. It was a bright blue with dark blue accents on the bodice. It was strapless with a corset back, and the skirt pleated down to the floor. The bright blue of the dress matched perfectly with her baby blue eyes.

As soon as they paid for their dresses and matching masks, they walked down to Madam Marcel's Accessories to find matching accessories. Alice got clear high heels; she already had her necklace and earrings. She was going to wear the silver butterfly pair that her boyfriend, Mark had given her.

Lily got emerald ballet flats, and decided to wear the diamond earrings, and matching necklace that her mother had given her for her birthday. Jackie already had her navy blue flats with her pale blue teardrop earrings, and matching pale blue pendent. Marissa had her bubble gum pink flats with silver oval necklace with matching earrings.

Once the girls had all their stuff for the ball, they headed back to The Leaky Cauldron for a few drinks before Lily had to meet up with her parents and the rest of the girls flooed home.

The morning of the ball was hectic at the McKinnon's Manor. The four girls were running around Jackie's room in an effort to get ready in time. Lily was doing Jackie's hair, while Marissa was doing Alice's. Lily and Marissa's hair was already done. Marissa's hair was curly all over, and the top was pulled up and clipped back with a silver barrette. Lily had her hair curled down to just below her shoulders. She had fall gracefully around her face and then pinned back with diamond-studded bobby pins. Her bangs, which stopped right above her eyes, were straight. Alice's hair was finally finished. It was straight, but curled at the ends right at her shoulders. Jackie's however took longer, since they had charmed her hair to end just above her bum. She had the top of her hair was pulled up into an elegant bun, while the bottom part of her hair came out of the bun and fell in ringlets to her middle back. As a finishing touch Lily put a blue lotus flower behind her ear. The girls put on their masks and headed downstairs. The party was about to start!

A few hours later the party was in full swing, literally. Everywhere you looked people where dancing away. Lily sat down at one of the tables with Marissa. They had both just finished dancing and were thoroughly tired. Jackie was still dancing with her brother Dan's best friend. They had been dancing all night, which was saying something because Jackie apparently spent all of her time talking Quidditch with the guys at these parties. Lily smiled as Jackie threw her head back as she laughed at something John had said, and he just smiled wickedly.

Turning back to Marissa she noticed that some more people had joined their table. "Hey." She said, startling them.

"Lily?" The guy said. That voice was strangely familiar to Lily, and then it hit her.

"What are you doing here?"

"Mrs. McKinnon invited me. Her mum and mine were friends when they were at Hogwarts" Peter said blushing. He hated when people yelled at him.

"Oh," Lily said feeling bad for yelling at him; after all he never did anything to her. "So are you going to introduce us to this mystery girl?" She finished with a smile, trying to soften the atmosphere.

"I'm Stephanie." The girl said, "I'm a Hufflepuff fourth year." The conversation picked up again, until a man wearing a multicolored tie and matching mask approached their table.

"Ahh, the lovely Marissa I have found you at last." Marissa giggled as the man gave a really goofy looking bow in front of her.

"Yea, I'm Marissa, but who are you?"

He feigned offense as he said, "You don't recognize me? And to think I have been trying to find you this whole time so I can impress you with my awesome dance moves."

"Well, let's see what you've got." Marissa said standing up. And with that the two of them walked over to the dance floor. Lily sighed and turned back to the table to continue her conversation with that Stephanie girl, but her and Peter where nowhere to be found. Lily was about to get up in search for Alice when a guy sat down in Marissa's old seat and started talking to her.

"And where might the lovely Lily Evans be going?"

For the second time that night Lily had trouble placing the familiar voice. "To find Alice." She said looking the guy up and down.

The guy laughed and said, "I just saw her sneaking into a corner with that boyfriend of hers. I think she is a little preoccupied if you catch my drift."

Lily sat back down at the _table 'This has to be the worst Ball ever.'_ Lily thought. _'All of my friends are off with guys and I'm stuck here with this creep.' _"Well looks like I'm not going anywhere. Umm, I don't mean to sound rude, but who are you? I feel like I know you, I just can't place it." She said trying to look into the guy's eyes.

The guy just laughed as he got up and grabbed her hand. He led them over to the dance floor. Lily was shocked as she allowed herself to be led into the middle of the dance floor by this mystery man.

Peter beamed as he looked at the spunky blonde that he had just spent the past hour talking to. He really couldn't believe his luck. His friends were always the ones who got the girls, and he was the awkward bloke that stood there alone. But now he had a beautiful blonde girl that laughed at his jokes and wanted to be with him for him, not his friends.

"And then the sphinx said, 'Here is my riddle, you can turn away and I won't harm you, but if you answer it wrong I will attack, answer right and you may pass.'" Stephanie said. She looked up at Peter and smiled, his eyes were still watching her. She was amazed at how funny he was. She couldn't understand why people wouldn't even give him the time of day. Sure he was a little overweight but I wasn't that bad.

"I think I will take that chance." Peter said with a smirk on his face.

"OK, and then the sphinx said, 'Your eyes are a musky blue, mine are a vibrant green. Together baby we will make a hurricane.'" Stephanie said pulling this out of thin air. Peter sat there staring at Stephanie's vibrant green eyes with his musky blue ones, and then he did something completely out of character. He leaned over and grabbed Stephanie's waist pulling her close and planted one on her lips. Both of them were shocked at this, but more so Peter. He had never had the courage to do something like this before, but something about Stephanie's presence gave him that extra courage.

A smile formed in Stephanie's mind when Peter kissed her. She was trying to get him to that all night. The sphinx thing had been incredibly corny and she was really glad that he had gotten it when he had because she had no idea what to say next. Soon, Stephanie was in Peter's lap as they had a rather intense snog session behind on of the statues in the McKinnon's garden.

Back on the dance floor, the mystery man was spinning Marissa like mad. After a few more spins he pulled Marissa back to him. Marissa couldn't stop giggling, which wasn't really that odd for her. But this mystery man was pushing her over the top. He had a goofy grin as he pulled back towards him.

"What's with that huge grin on your face?" Marissa asked, looking up at her mystery man. She knew what she wanted him to say, but she was afraid he didn't have the butterflies that were floating around in her stomach right now.

"Why do you want to know?" he said with a smirk on his face. He knew what he was thinking but he was afraid that she was only having a good time because she didn't know who he was yet.

"Because I do! I want to know what thoughts are spinning in that wonderful head of yours. Are you going to even tell me who you are?"

He sighed, "By the end of the night I will tell you, but I don't know if you will want to know." Mr. Mystery Man finished sheepishly.

"It doesn't matter to me who I thought you were before," Marissa said. "I know who you are now. You are funny, and charming, and a bloody good dancer." He smirked at this and realized that the two of them had stopped moving and they were just staring into each other's eyes. They're not sure who started it, but suddenly his lips met Marissa's. His hands moved from Marissa's cheek down her arms, and landed on the small of her back. While Marissa's hands came up from the mystery man's neck and landed in his hair. She could feel him moan as her hands ran through his hair, and this brought a smile to her face.

Sometime during their snog session their masks fell off and when they finally pulled apart they looked themselves square in the face. "Marissa." He said with his eyes still closed. Afraid to open them and see that she was not happy with whom her 'mystery man' had turned out to be.

But as he slowly opened his eyes he saw a smile creep upon Marissa's face. "Sirius." And this was all she said before she pulled him back in for more. And then all hell broke loose.

**A/N**- I'm cutting it off here because I haven't updated in a long time. And I bet you did not see the mystery man being Sirius…or maybe you did darn I thought I hid it well. So I am anxiously waiting your reviews to tell me if you got it or just tell me what you think.…so please hit that little blue button even if it is to tell me that I suck just hit it please…I won't be mad I promise! You just have to review!

Any who… I want to start a poll _What's your favorite food/color/sport? _


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N- **Haha I had to leave it off as a cliffhanger! I haven't really done that yet. Anyways I know you guys are not reading this, but I am having fun just babbling in here…Anyways umm…thanks for the reviews! I got six last Chapter, which fit because it was Chapter six…anyways I know you don't care about this so on with the story…

Chapter 7- What The Hell, Mate?

We were just standing unaware that we had stopped our dance, and I was staring at her. I couldn't stop she was just so beautiful. And I knew that the unmasking was about to begin, so without thinking about it for too long I decided what I had to do. I tilted her head back to look into those bright baby blue eyes, and then all of the sudden we were kissing. It started out innocent enough, but then it suddenly got very passionate very quickly. My hands fell from her face down her arms and landed on the middle of her back. Holding her close. Then I felt her hands running through my hair and I couldn't stifle the moan that formed in my throat. It just felt so right.

I pulled her closer to me, she needed to be closer, and I could feel the smile that was forming on her lips. And I knew that I had to stop. I was never one for stopping, but she had to know who I was before I completely snogged her. I pulled away and whispered her name, looking at the ground. I knew that my mask fell off sometime during that kiss and I was afraid of what she would say. I took a deep breath and looked up into those beautiful eyes and saw her smile. She muttered my name and then we were at it again.

As soon as our lips touched this time, I felt like I was electrocuted, but in a good way. This serge of something filled up inside me and I knew that I needed her. I had snogged a lot of girls but I never felt like this while doing it. I wrapped my arms tightly around her waist, never wanting to let go.

Suddenly she pulled back and grabbed my hand. I was still in a sense of bewilderment as she led me to the back of the party and down a hallway. We stopped before one of the rooms and she opened it and led me over to the bed. But I knew I had to say something. Again normally I wouldn't object, but she was more than someone to just fool around with and I had to let her know. "Marissa, I can't do this." I said looking at my feet.

Marissa turned around to look at the first boy she had every really had feelings for. Sure there were the guys she snogged at Hogwarts, but something was different this time. He wasn't just another good snog and she had wanted to prove that to him. She looked at him intently and noticed that his cheeks were a little red, and he suddenly found his shoes very interesting.

"Sirius," Breathe she told herself, just breathe, you need to say this. "It's not what you're thinking. I don't shag someone after we just snogged for the first time ten minutes ago. I know my reputation at school, but it's not true. I may have snogged a lot of guys, but this…this is different." She finished and looked down embarrassed by the random tears that formed in her eyes.

Sirius just stood there for a minute. At least he knew that she didn't bring him up here just for a shag, but then why did she? Slowly he walked over to her, but she still wasn't looking at him, so he put his arms around her waist and said, "Marissa, I didn't mean that, I just…I don't know. This is different for me too. I've never…I…I just don't want to mess this up. I like you, and I don't want to be just another guy."

Marissa was still looking at the floor when Sirius finished, so he tilted her chin up at him with his finger and then he saw the tears. He felt something catch in his throat as he saw the silent tear fall down her cheek. He kissed it away before kissing Marissa hesitantly on her lips. But this hesitant kiss soon turned into something much deeper. Soon Sirius was sitting on the bed with Marissa on his lap. They were still continuing their kiss, when the door was opened with such force that it hit the wall and closed again. The noise startled the two teenagers, and Marissa jumped up rather pink in the cheeks as Sirius fell onto the floor very ungracefully.

() () () () () () () ()

Peter and Stephanie were really getting at it back downstairs. Stephanie was in Peter's lap, when the door was rudely thrown open.

And none other than James Potter strode in there, with a petite little red head in tow. "…need to talk."

"About what? I have nothing…" At this point the little redhead stopped her rant because, there was Peter Pettigrew lip locked with the blonde she had meet earlier. "Peter?"

At the mention of his name Peter gave a little jolt, which would have put poor Stephanie on the floor, if it weren't for Peter's arms around her waist holding her so tightly.

"Peter? That's all you have to say?" James said before turning around and looking right at Peter. "Oh," he said before he noticed that there was someone in his lap. "Peter, who is that? What is she doing in your lap? Where you _snogging_ her?" He said incredulously, looking back and forth between the two of them.

"Umm, kind of." Peter said looking down at his shoes beat red.

"Kind of? How do you _kind of_ snog someone?"

"Well, he did and he is bloody good at it." Stephanie said, finally joining this conversation.

"What? Who is this? Is this that Steph girl you have been talking about since…ow!" James looked over at Lily who had just hit him upside the head. "What was that for?"

"That was for, 'You need to bloody shut up!'" Lily spat back.

"Yeah, this is Stephanie. Not to be rude, but can you leave now?" Peter said looking James straight in the eye. But all James had time to do was wink before Lily dragged him out of the room.

"So where were we?" Steph asked as she turned back to Peter. Instead of answering her though, Peter just smiled and kissed her with all he had.

() () () () () () () ()

Lily was gliding across the dance floor while trying to figure out who this mystery man was. "Are you going to tell me who you are or do I have to keep guessing?"

"I think that you should guess." He said smiling back at her.

"Ugh, fine. Let's see. You aren't in Slytherin or Hufflepuff. So are you in Gryffindor?"

"No, I am not a Gryffindor."

"Are you still at school?"

"Haha, yes I am still at school, however I am a year ahead of you."

Ok, so he is a sixth year Ravenclaw. Who do I know that is a sixth year Ravenclaw? "Umm, so if you're a sixth year Ravenclaw, then you have to be either Amos, Brian, Jake, or John, and since John is dancing with Jackie, and Brian is dating Becky. Your either Amos or Jake, but Amos is shorter than you, and Jake is blonde. So I'm confused."

"Just because I am dating Becky doesn't mean that I can't dance with a beautiful girl." Brian said as he leaned down to kiss her. But Lily backed away.

"What the bloody hell do you think your doing?" Lily shrieked. "Your freaking dating Becky! You can't go around and try to kiss other girls! What's wrong with you?" She screamed as she tried to back away from him, but he wouldn't let her. He tried to pull her closer, but Lily just slapped him and turned to run away. She had gotten as far as the hallway before a muscular arm grabbed her around her waist and pulled her back. She immediately recoiled when the object touched her stomach and she doubled over, trying to hide her pitiful stomach from view. She really hated it when people touched her stomach.

Lily spun around to face not Brian, but Potter. "What do you want Potter?" she spat. _'I cannot deal with this right now. I just want to go curl up in Jackie's room. Brian was not supposed to be Brian he was supposed to be ...someone else.' _ Lily thought as she looked into Potter's chocolate eyes.

"What do I want? I want to know what you were doing dancing with Brian! He has a girlfriend you know! I never took you for a girl who would throw herself at a bloke who had a girl!"

"I never threw myself at him! And besides I didn't know who it was! I thought…I thought he was someone else." She finished quietly looking down at her shoes, she was having a hard time admitting it but she wished it had been Potter who she had been dancing with.

"You…you didn't know who he was and you were still dancing with him?" Potter yelled furiously. _'Ok cool it. Merlin, this is not supposed to be happening. I was supposed to dance with Evans. I was the one who should have been holding her close. I was the one who would try to kiss her at midnight. But that stupid Brian ruined it.' _His blood boiled as he thought about Brian. He had a girl; he shouldn't be messing with his. Well, technically she wasn't his yet. But she would be. He knew that it wasn't Lily's fault. She honestly didn't know whom she had been dancing with, but the thought of Lily dancing with that bloke made him want to punch something. That should have been him!

"I thought I knew who he was but evidently I was wrong. What's it to you anyways?" She spat back, looking up at him with hard eyes. But once her emerald eyes met his chocolate eyes, her façade started to fade. For a quick instant her eyes lost their cold edge, but only for a moment. And the chocolate eyes didn't miss it. He looked at the emeralds, stunned at the emotion that had flashed in them.

"I…I…I think we need to talk." He said as he opened one of the doors in the hallway. _'Maybe she actually does like me. There was something in her eyes that said she did. Ugh, why do girls have to be so freaking complicated?'_

"About what? I have nothing…" And the emerald eyes cut off her rant as she noticed that they had just stumbled in upon a snog session. She was about to leave, when she realized that she knew them. "Peter?"

() () () () () () () ()

Jackie just smiled as she spun around on the dance floor. She was experiencing a moment of bliss and she didn't want to let go. John was just too funny. Her face burned from laughing so much but she didn't care. The smile she was wearing had been on her face all night, but it didn't matter because John was wearing an identical one.

John stared at Jackie and he couldn't keep the smile from stretching across his face. She was just perfect. She was a tough girl. She wasn't a sissy, she could stand up for herself, and she did. She was an amazing friend, she was brilliant, and she had a wicked smile. All of these were things that he loved about her, but most of all he had to love that she was Jackie. She was the girl who would help him pull pranks on Dan. She was the girl that he taught to fly three years ago. Wow, she had changed a lot in those three years. John could not take the smile of off his face as he stared into her dark eyes. They were almost black and they made her eyes look haunted, like they held a secret, they were beautiful.

Jackie and John had to be staring in each other's eyes for at least five minutes before Jackie realized that John was thinking the same thing that she was. And so without a second thought she reached up and pecked John on his cheek. As she pulled back John just looked at her quizzically, afraid that she had misread him, her eyes immediately dropped to the floor. But soon she felt John's hand leave hers as he grabbed her face and tilted it up towards him again. He stared into the mysterious eyes that he loved so much before planting one on Jackie's lips.

Jackie just stood there shocked. The man of her dreams had just kissed her! Sure she had kissed his cheek first, but it didn't matter when it came to how she felt about this kiss, their first. As soon as the initial shock had worn off, she realized that she had just stood there. On impulse she took her hands that were dangling at her sides and threw them up around John's neck holding his face closer to hers. And John reacted immediately sliding his arms around her waist and holding her as close to him as he could.

Before either of them knew what was happening they were walking backwards through the hallway, they still hadn't broken their kiss. John turned to open a door and Jackie, not realizing what he was doing, pushed him against it with such force that the door hit the wall, and shut again. The door smacked John in the back, efficiently ending their snog session. "What the?" John said as he turned to look at the door that most likely gave him a bruise.

"Are you okay?" Jackie asked as she rubbed his back, feeling bad that a door just slammed into him because she had thrust him up against it.

"I am now." He said with a wicked grin as he pulled Jackie closer to him.

() () () () () () () ()

"What the bloody hell was that?" Sirius' muffled voice came from the floor. Marissa looked down at him and laughed. His bum was high in the air, and his arms were sprawled out underneath his body. She couldn't help it, he just looked like a jumbled up mess. Sirius managed to untangle himself and roll over, glaring up at Marissa. "It's not funny! That bloody hurt."

"Oh quit your complaining!" Marissa said looking down at him with a trace of a smirk on her face.

"Your gonna get it." He whispered as he inconspicuously hooked his leg around her ankle and pulled so she landed on top of him.

"Hey!" Marissa shouted not liking the fact that she was suddenly rushing towards the floor, but this thought quickly left her head as she realized just how close they were. "Hey." She said again although much quieter. She stared into his gray eyes for a moment before continuing what they were doing up on the bed. A moment later, the door was thrown open once again, but this time it didn't close. Marissa rolled over off of Sirius to look into the eyes of her best friend.

"Jackie?" She shouted from the floor, causing Jackie and this mystery guy to jump apart. Apparently they had not noticed that the room they had stumbled upon was already occupied.

"Marissa? What are you doing here? On the floor? With Sirius?" Jackie stumbled out, looking anxiously between the two of them waiting for an explanation.

"What are _you _doing? And who is that?" Marissa called back as she attempted and failed to stand up. Her bell skirt was making it almost impossible to get up. Luckily Sirius noticed this, so he leaned down and pulled Marissa up so she could continue her rant while the two guys just stood there and looked back and forth awkwardly.

"This is John. And don't change the subject! WE were talking about how I just caught you on the floor! With Sirius!" Jackie said, her eyes looked like they were about to pop out of her head.

"Hey what's wrong with me?" Sirius said from his spot on the bed. Confused as to why Jackie was saying his name as if it was revolting.

"I wasn't talking to you." Jackie snapped as she turned back to Marissa. "I know I always stand up for them when Lily goes off on them, but there is a line and you just crossed it." Grabbing John's arm the two left leaving an even more confused Sirius and a bemused Marissa behind.

"What was that about?" Sirius said after awhile looking at Marissa expectantly, but she just walked out of the room with out so much as looking at him.

Sirius sat on the bed for a few more minutes before he realized that Marissa wasn't coming back and he wasn't getting an explanation. He left the room in search of his friends. _'Maybe they can make sense of this' _he thought as he walked down the hallway and back to what he thought was the party.

() () () () () () () ()

After their confrontation with Peter and Stephanie, Lily decided it was safer to just talk in the hallway, lest they run into another snogging couple in one of the rooms. Lily noticed that there was definite muscle under his robes. Her hand could feel the indents from the muscles on his arm. _'I wonder how strong he actually is…' _Lily thought as she pictured him shirtless. In her mind his biceps were practically bursting and his abs were nice and hard, maybe even a six-pack… _'NO!'_ she interrupted her own fantasy, _'You do NOT fancy James Potter. You do NOT think of him shirtless!'_ she scolded herself. She was determined that no one would know what thoughts had just popped into her head as she turned and looked at Potter. But as soon as she saw his eyes, and the look when she removed her hand caused a blush to spread across her cheeks. "What is so important that we need to talk about?" She said harshly, hoping he didn't notice that her cheeks were getting very red, as she could not keep her thought away from how Quidditch did his body some good.

"What's with the blushing Evans? Fantasizing about me again?" He asked with a smirk, completely ignoring her question.

'_Oh Merlin,'_ Lily though as she looked back at Potter, but this time she was ready. "Ha!" she snorted. "As if I would ever do that! Now just tell me what you had to so I can leave." Lily finished in what she hoped was a convincing voice. It sure wouldn't do her any good if Potter knew what she was actually thinking. _'Ahh!'_ She gasped as her hand flew down to her stomach. It always happened at the worst of times. It knew that she had messed up. It knew that it would be punished.

"Lily? What's wrong?" Potter asked with god-forbid, concern in his eyes. He had apparently had noticed Lily's gasp and sudden clutching of her stomach.

"Nothing!" she shouted back, cursing herself for not holding her composure. "Now just bloody tell me what is so damn important!"

"Wow Evans, never took you for a foul mouth." He smirked as he looked at Lily's cold face.

"I don't have time for this." Lily said as she started to walk back to the party, but that damn muscular arm held her back once more. She flinch involuntarily as the hand touched her stomach, it was extremely sensitive now that it knew what was going to happen once she was alone. But once again this did not go unnoticed by James.

"Lily are you sure there's nothing wrong? Are you feeling okay?" He said as his hand tentatively touched her stomach again.

"I'm fine except that YOU KEEP BLOODY TOUCHING ME!" Lily shouted as she turned to leave and ran smack into Sirius. "Out of my way!" She yelled as a shocked Sirius stepped out of the way to let a livid Lily storm back to the party. Luckily she didn't hear Sirius chuckling as she left, otherwise there would have been serious damage done.

() () () () () () () ()

Sirius had been walking down the hallway for a few minutes before he started to hear voices. _'Good that means I went the right way.'_ But as Sirius turned the corner he stopped dead in his tracks. He had reached a dead end, and there were two people there, arguing. He started to back away, but then they turned and he realized that it was Lily, and his best mate. So he started to walk over to them, but before he could say anything he heard "YOU KEEP BLOODY TOUCHING ME!" and a very irritated Lily started to head his way. He was shocked from this outburst and didn't comprehend that she was heading for him until she walked right into him. "Out of my way!" she screamed once she got her balance back. Hesitantly Sirius stepped to the side, knowing not to push her once she reached this point. He shuddered as he remembered the last time he did that. He had not been able to sit comfortably for a few days after her spell had hit him. He turned to look at James and chuckled at the look of astonishment on his face.

"I think she doesn't want you to touch her Prongs" Sirius said with a smirk on his face. James however, ignored him.

"What is it with that girl?" James said as he stared at the spot that Lily had been standing a few moments before.

"You're telling me! Get this. Marissa and I were in one of these rooms having a pretty good snog, when Jackie walked in on us and said something about 'crossing the line' and she just left! No explanation! And I haven't seen her since!" Sirius said, looking at James, hoping he could make some sense of it.

"Wait…you snogged Marissa? Man, if Remus got some then I will be the only one who didn't!" James said.

"What are you talking about? Do you mean Peter actually…" Sirius started, but was cut off by James nodding his head and saying,

"Yup, he and that Steph girl from Ravenclaw, she's a year below us."

"Wow." And with that James and Sirius made their way back to the party rather slowly. Sirius was still trying to figure out why Jackie had said they were 'crossing a line'. And James was too occupied with his thoughts as to why Lily was masking her pain, and why she was in pain in the first place.

() () () () () () () ()

As Lily stormed off from her confrontation with James, she went up the stairs, instead of back down to the party where everyone was leaving since it was over in a few minutes. Lily didn't slow down all the way up the stairs and down the corridor to her room. As soon as she entered the room she locked the door and collapsed onto her bed. She thought back to the party that she had once looked forward to with regret. This was supposed to be her night to have fun with her friends. But once again she had found away to screw it up. Somehow she always did, no matter what it was she always managed to ruin it in one way or another. Lily sat on her bed with cold eyes as she realized that she needed to be punished. For dancing with Brian, for wanting him to be Potter, for allowing herself to think about Potter, for letting that stupid blush get on her face, and for almost letting him find out her biggest secret. Each of these things caused a burning sensation to erupt from her stomach. When she was done she collapsed onto the bed in exhaustion. Every time it got worse, but she had to do it, she had messed up so she had to be punished.

A/N- Wow that was a lot of fluff mixed with some seriousness at the end. That was 3,922 words! Not counting my Author's Notes holy crap! And it only took me FOUR days to write! I was inspired by my homecoming and a conversation I had with my one friend! When I am stuck on James I think what he would do. And the whole being concerned in the middle of the argument is so him! Okay anyways back to the story. I'm not sure what exactly to have for Chapter 8 yet so it could take me a few days since I have to come up with a plot and I have a Bio test, and a history paper due soon so I will not really be able to write…sorry, but if you review I will be more motivated to write in between studying!

To answer last Chapter's poll,

Food- Juicy Lucy (it's a cheese-filled hamburger)

Color- Green

Sport- Softball! (To watch would have to be either Steelers or Buckeyes in football, but college Softball my heart is for OSU!)

Chapter 8's Poll-

Favorite Song?


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N-** Sorry for all the fluff last chapter, but like I said I had a good week =). Anyhoo I realized I was a little heavy on the swearing so I'll back off this chapter. Sorry it took me awhile to update because I had to take the PSAT on Saturday, plus a fundraiser for my church that I volunteered for in Saturday, then I had an all-day softball tournament Sunday, We placed 4th! I made a new account for my fanfiction account. It's posted on my profile. But if you are too lazy to check, it's just in case you want to let me know something, but don't feel like publishing it for the world to see… anyways on with the story.

Chapter 8- What? How? When?

_'Oh no, I didn't even think of that.'_ Marissa thought as she left the room. She knew she had messed up. Her friends couldn't stand the Marauders, heck she couldn't either. But there was just something about Sirius that was different; he wasn't like any other boy she had gone out with. Lily was an amazing friend and she was afraid she had just lost that. Sure she didn't have to go find her right now, but it just didn't feel right to stay there with him, because then she felt like she was doing it behind her friend's backs.

Sighing Marissa entered the party again and spent a fair amount of time walking through the crowd in search of her friend, but she was nowhere in sight. Just as the party was about to end she saw her heading up the stairs looking extremely upset. Walking fast she searched the crowd for Alice. She knew that it would be a while before Jackie was done saying her goodbyes, and to be honest she wanted to have this conversation without her. Once this thought popped into her head she realized that she didn't want Alice there either. She needed to have some time alone with Lily to talk about Sirius.

_'Sirius'_ she thought with a smile as she headed up the staircase to Jackie's room. However, when she approached the door she was stopped in her tracks. _'Was that sobbing?'_ Marissa thought as she pushed her ear against the door. Her hand hovered above the handle trying to decide if she should just barge in, or if she should knock so Lily had time to compose herself. But if she did that then Lily would say that she was crazy and that she hadn't been crying. Lily was the best liar she had ever meet.

As she stood contemplating on what to do, the sobbing stopped and it was quiet. Marissa toke a deep breathe before she knocked twice quickly on the door and walked on. Giving her some warning, but not much. As she opened the door she say Lily crumpled on the bed. She walked over to her and sat at the end of the bed, waiting for her to say something. But Lily just laid there quietly, when it was obvious that Lily was sleeping, she got up and took a shower.

() () () () () () () ()

_'What is Marissa doing here?'_ I thought as I looked at the door that Marissa had just walked through. I thought I had at least a few more minutes before my friends noticed I wasn't there and came after me. Sighing, I closed my eyes and tried to fall back asleep. A little while later I heard Marissa come back in. And fall sleep next to me. Once Marissa's light snores filled the room, I got up and toke a shower.

When I came back in, Jackie was on the other bed with Alice. I walked over to the bed I was supposed to share with Marissa. I looked at each of my friends and then realized I couldn't do it. It was too much pressure. They didn't understand what was going on right now. They had no idea what my life was like at home. They had no idea that my sister hated me with a passion. They had no idea that my father, the only one who would stick up for me, has been away at sea for months. They can't understand what I'm going through. They all have great lives, with great families. They have no idea what it's like to be an outcast wherever you are.

I walked past the bed and out of Jackie's room. I stumbled down to the kitchens to get a mug of hot cocoa; it always made me feel better when I was in one of these moods. I didn't even think about running into someone on my trip down.

As I entered the kitchens I noticed that the house-elves were nowhere insight. _'Oh well,'_ I thought, _'I'll just do it myself.'_ I finally found the cocoa in the pantry and headed out to get to work. Heating up the milk with my wand I added in the powder and took a sip. _'Gah!'_ I thought as I spit it out into the sink. "That is the worst thing I have ever tasted." I mumbled to myself. I looked around for something to wash the horrible taste out of my mouth when I saw a tall bloke laughing in the corner.

"You do know that we have house-elves for a reason right?" Dan asked as he stepped into the kitchen wearing nothing but pajama bottoms.

"Yea," I stuttered, "But I couldn't find them so I thought I would make it myself. It didn't turn out so good." I added as an afterthought.

Dan was the definition of hot. He was tall with dark hair that fell over his eyes. He had the same dark eyes that his sister, Jackie, did.  
"Evidently you can't." Dan replied with a smirk. "If you heat the milk with your wand you have to do it slowly. It's better if you heat it over a fire for a few minutes. And you might want to check the expiration date. The house-elves can get around it, but I have no idea how they do." He finished looking at the muck that I had made.

"How do you know so much about cooking?" I asked looking at him quizzically.

"Why do you think I'm down here?" He countered, turning to look at me. _'Wow,'_ I thought looking into his eyes. _'Those eyes are amazing. They looked like they held a secret, that they were all-knowing. They looked just like Jackie's. Oh Merlin, Jackie she would flip if she saw me staring into her brother's eyes like that.'_ Quickly I dropped my eyes and started filling another mug with milk.

"Do you want a cup?" I asked, still not looking at him.

"Err, yea, but let me make it this time." He said as he grabbed the mug out of my hand. I had expected my hand to burn, or those butterflies to erupt in my stomach that everyone talks about when the guy you like brushes up against you. But there was nothing. _'It's probably just something they say in books to make them sound all sappy.' _I thought as I looked at him making us hot cocoa. The little fire he made was causing the light to glisten off his abs. He had prettygood abs. He had a six-pack with nicely sculpted arms._ 'He looks like how I pictured James would. Wait James! NO! I do not picture James shirtless! And I do not call him that! He is POTTER!' _I yelled at myself. Shaking my head back and forth trying to get rid of the mental image in my head of Potter standing in front of me without a shirt on, I turned back to look at Dan stirring the cocoa in.

"Here." He said handing me my cup.

"I'm impressed, it's pretty good." I said still looking at the cup in my hands.

"Haha thanks, I guess." He said as he slipped into a seat behind the counter. "So, why are you sneaking down to the kitchens so late?" Dan asked as he motioned for me to sit next to him.

"I could ask you the same question." I said as I sat down next to him.

"You could, but I asked you first so spill." He said he a smirk on his face. '_Wow can that smirk look so perfect on him, but so arrogant on Potter? Ugh, no! I am not thinking about HIM!… I have a problem.'_ I thought as I looked down at my hands.

"Couldn't sleep. You?"

"I need a cup of cocoa at night, helps me sleep." He said.

"Me too. That's the one bad thing about Hogwarts. They don't have a kitchen to get cocoa from in the middle of the night."

"Actually they do." I almost spit out the cocoa that was in my mouth. I swallowed quickly and asked,

"What?"

"Yea, you know that painting of all the fruit" I nodded and he continued, "Just tickle the pear until it giggles and it opens the door to the kitchen. Did you really not know that?" He said looking at me as if I had sprouted a third head.

"I never knew you could enter the kitchens." I said shocked. "How did you find them?"

"I knew that you had to tickle a picture on the third floor o enter it, but I couldn't remember which one. So naturally I dared John to tickle all the pictures. He didn't know that the entrance was on that floor, the look on his face when the portrait opened to reveal a bunch of house-elves cooking dinner." He smiled as he remembered that day, and once again I couldn't help but notice the similarities between him and Potter. I was just too tired to yell at myself, so I just shock my head and continued staring at my hot cocoa. "Lily, what's wrong?"

I looked up to find Dan looking at me with a strange expression on his face. "I…I'm fine." I said still not looking up from my drink.

"No, you aren't. Come on Lily you can talk to me. What's wrong?" He said with that look still on his face. It looked like he cared. _'Oh, come on Lily. You're just fooling yourself. Who would care about you?' _Sighing I turned to face him and that look was still on his face. It was strange. Only my dad and Potter had looked at me that way before. It feels weird to have someone care about you, to know that they will be there. It feels to good to be true. I didn't like where this was heading, and I couldn't face a breakdown in front of Dan. So I stood up and mumbled something about being tired. I had to force myself to walk slow and look tired while Dan could see me, but as soon as I turned the corner, I silently sprinted back up to Jackie's room.

() () () () () () () () 

Marissa opened her eyes to see that Lily had left, but Jackie and Alice were back and already asleep. She heard footsteps on the stairs, so she poked her head out of the door and saw Lily walking down stairs. She closed the door as quietly as she could, and ran over to her friends. "Wake up! Guys we need to talk so get your arses out of bed." Marissa quietly yelled. Groaning Alice opened her eyes and saw Marissa standing by their bed. "Jackie!" Marissa yelled in her ear, causing the aforementioned to sit bolt up and looking around the room wildly.

"What's wrong, Mar?" Jackie said as she fell back onto the bed and closed her eyes.

"You guys need to stay awake. I have to talk to you." Marissa said waving her wand at the door to put up a silencing spell. "You know, you think they would have better protection from us using magic in a wizard's home."

"They assume that our parents would keep us from using magic. Besides they can still tell if you use it in front of muggles and that's the big thing." Alice replied sleepily.

"Who cares?" Jackie said thoroughly pissed, she did not enjoy people messing with her sleep. "Now will you please tell us what you woke us up for so we can go back to sleep."

"Come on, I want to talk about the dance. I saw you getting all close and personal with John. Is there anything going on there?" Marissa said with a smirk as she saw Jackie's face get extremely red.

"I wish," Jackie said looking off into space, "he is just amazing. And he's funny and sensitive and sweet and oh my Merlin is he hot!" Jackie finished with a smile on her face as she remembered John spinning her around on the dance floor, and then their snog session afterward.

"Well, tell us about it! I barely saw you!"

"Yea maybe because you were off with Sirius!" Jackie hissed, remembering how she found them on the floor in one of the guest rooms.

"Wait! Hold on! You and John! And you and Sirius!" Alice said looking back and forth from the two of them.

"But that's not all, is it Marissa? I know your reputation at school, I know it isn't true, but you just proved it tonight. I mean two days ago you couldn't stand him and here you just _shagged_ him tonight." Jackie said looking revolted at the thought of Marissa shagging Sirius.

"YOU S_HAGGED_ HIM?" Alice yelled, looking thoroughly pissed that someone did not tell her sooner. "I…I…I didn't even know you liked him." Alice finished quietly looking at a stunned Marissa.

"WHAT? That's what you thought we were doing? Merlin, Jackie, we were just snogging! So all that stuff about 'crossing the line' that's what you meant?"

"Well, can you really blame me? I found you two lying on the floor, with your lipstick all over his face!"

"YOU WERE ON THE FLOOR?"

"We were snogging when the door slammed and then we jumped up, and he fell, and then I somehow landed on top of him. And then well…yea. But it was just snogging!"

"Oh Merlin! Why didn't you tell me?" Alice said, extremely put out, because no one bothered to tell her what had happened.

"We just did. Besides it just happened. I didn't see you after I found her. Anyways how is Mark?" Jackie said, trying to cheer Alice up.

"You might want to ask him. We didn't really get to talk."

"And you're yelling at us for holding out! What happened? Don't leave out any details!" Marissa squealed jumping on to the bed, expecting a good story. Alice had never been one to kiss and tell, but then again, they could always get it out of her.

"Well, lets see. I saw him head into the library, so I followed him because I wanted to surprise him. And when I opened the door, SURPRISE! He is snogging that no-good-double-timing-bitch Olivia Simms!"

The girls just sat there in shock. Mark had always been the one for an extravagant evening, they were expecting romantic, not depressing.

"Al…Al I'm sorry." Marissa stared looking down at the floor. She felt horrible for talking about Sirius and John. She wouldn't have done it if they had known.

"It's okay, Mar. You didn't know he was a no-good-scheming little…" her rant was cut off as Lily entered the room, and turned around to see all her friends looking at her. "Where were you?"

"I was in the kitchen. I was having some hot cocoa with Dan."

"Why were you drinking hot coca with my brother?"

"Well, I was trying to make it, but it well, it failed. And your brother had come down and he was laughing at my pitiful attempt, and he made us some. And we just talked for a while. So what were you guys talking about before I came in?" Lily asked, hoping to turn the attention off of her.

"Well, we were talking about Jackie snogging John, Marissa snogging Sirius and Mark and I breaking up." Alice said, looking at a shocked Lily.

"Hold on. What? You and John? You and Sirius? And You and Mark? Start from the beginning and don't you dare let a single detail out!" Lily said as she sat down on the bed the three of them were occupying, as Marissa started to tell their story.

() () () () () () () ()

Back at Potter Manor the boys were having their own gossip session. "I saw you go off with Marissa." James said, winking at Sirius.

"Yup." Sirius said stuffing his face with the sweets that were on the table in between the two boys' beds. "So you managed to drive Lily mad again?" Sirius said in between mouthfuls.

"Yea, I don't know what was up with her. She pulled me over to talk, because I said we needed to, and then once she looked at me. She got all mad and starting yelling." James said shaking his head.

"And then of course you touched her."

"Shove it, Padfoot!" James yelled throwing one of the chocolate frogs at him. And quickly received a box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans hit him in the head. Soon candy was flying everywhere as the boys' war persisted on into the night.

**A/N- **Sorry if you're a guy and that's not exactly how that would play out, but from my experience that's how you handle those kind of things. Please let me know what to think. And what guys would actually talk about because I have a few ideas for conversations, but I'm not sure if guys actually talk about this stuff…and yea…review!

Chapter 8's Poll-

Favorite Artists? (Music)

Answer to Chapter 7's

This is my go-to playlist

1) What If- Nichole Nordeman

2) Baba O'Riley- The Who

3) Carry This Picture – Dashboard Confessional

4) Friday I'm In Love- The Cure

5) I Pray For You- Jaron And The Long Road

6) Pictures of Lily- The Who

7) To Wish Impossible Things- The Cure

8)Hey You- Pink Floyd

9) Beth- KISS

10) I'll Be- Edwin McCain; D

11) What About Now- Daughtry

12) Let Go- Barlow Girl

13) How Could This Happen To Me- Simple Plan

And the one that reminds me of this story, and the person Lily is based off of…

14) Stand in the Rain- Superchick


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N**- Please review! I got no reviews last chapter, hence the major delay in updating. But then I decided there was really nothing else to do with this chapter and I'm not sure what to put for Chapter 10, so you lucked out, but if I go another Chapter with no reviews the delay will be greater! Just keep that in mind. =)

Chapter 9- He can't? Can he?

Lily sat in the prefect's compartment thinking about her holidays. They had not been pleasant to say the least. She and her sister had never gotten along, but this time it was different. This time her mother chose her sister over her. Their quarrel had been settled. Her freakiness was not welcome in her own home anymore. That is if you could call it her home. The books she read had always told her that home was where the heart was. Her heart wasn't there. She didn't know where it was. Did this mean that she didn't have a true home? All the thoughts of how she had failed, how she was a disgrace, and how she didn't belong came rushing towards her. It consumed her. Lily knew what she had to do, so she snuck out of the compartment and headed for an empty one.

As soon as she shut the door, she collapsed onto the floor, her silent sobs overtaking her. She couldn't understand why she was even here. She was just a disgrace. She leaned against the seats trying to forget all the thoughts that had overtaken her in the prefect's compartment. She wiped the tears off her face and was starting to get up when the door slid open.

() () () () () () () ()

Dan was sitting in the prefect's compartment watching Lily. Soon after Easter break had started, she had shown up on their doorstep asking to spend the rest of the break at their house. She wouldn't tell him what had happened at home to cause her to leave.

Dan was talking with John when he saw the spark in Lily's eye diminish a little. He excused himself from John to go see what was up with Lily, but when he turned around she wasn't there. Dan glanced around the compartment, and not finding Lily assumed that she had left. He stepped out of the compartment and whilst looking around for her, he heard a muffled sob come from within one of the compartments with the blinds drawn.

Hesitantly, he approached the door. After staring at the door for a few minutes, he slowly opened it to see a petite girl with flaming red curls silently crying. Instantly, he fell to the floor and pulled her into his lap. They sat there for a while, with Lily's head in Dan's shoulder as her tears fell down her cheeks.

The two of them just sat there holding each other for what felt like hours. But alas, it had only been a few minutes before Molly Prewett showed up and told them it was time for them to do their rounds. The two looked up at the Head Girl sheepishly.

"Sorry Molly. I just had a slight breakdown." Lily said blushing. The two of them were friends and it was embarrassing to be caught crying in a guy's arms who you had barely spoken to.

Standing up, Lily wiped the remaining tears off of her cheeks, before composing herself, giving a brief smile to Dan, and heading out to patrol the corridor.

"Dan, I know you are sweet as can be." Molly started looking at Dan with strangeness to her voice. He sensed a but. "But (there it is!) You have to be careful around Lily. She has a really tough home life. And the only reason I know this is because she lives a few streets down from me. She may look tough but in reality she is struggling. I don't know how to get her to open up. So if she trusts you, listen don't judge and help her. Or she may do something really stupid." Molly turned to leave, but was stopped as a strong hand grabbed her arm and spun her around.

"First of all I would never hurt Lily. I would never judge. I would listen to whatever she had to say. And I know she has been struggling she spent half of Christmas and almost all of this past break at my house. She hasn't told me what is going on and I haven't asked, because it is her decision whether or not to tell me and I don't want to push her. I understand your concern for her. But don't you dare imply that I don't care for Lily." With that said Dan stormed past Molly and into the compartment his friends had grabbed. _'Holy crap,'_ he thought as he opened the door, _'I just told off the Head Girl.'_

() () () () () () () ()

James sat in his compartment daydreaming about Lily Evans, which was one of his favorite things to do, besides pranking and playing Quidditch. His thoughts, however, were interrupted rather rudely when Sirius came in and threw the door open. "I can't bloody believe her!" he yelled to no one in particular. Taking the bait, James put his dream about Lily on hold, momentarily, in order to help his best mate.

"Now what is it that you can't bloody believe?" James asked in a fake sweet voice from his seat.

Sirius turned around and saw James. "Hey, I didn't see you there Prongs. No really I didn't." Sirius said in response to the snort that emitted from James. "It's Marissa…" He started looking off into the distance. James rolled his eyes and Sirius turned on him. It was a side of him that James had never experienced. "Don't roll your eyes at me James Potter! For years I have heard you go on about how much you bloody love Evans! And you can't listen to my problem for five minutes!"

Hesitantly, James approached him and laid a hand on his shoulder. "I didn't mean it like that. It's just you keep going on about how her going out with other guys is bloody pissing you off, but Padfoot you are doing the same thing. How many girls have you seen since the New Year's ball?" James asked watching his friend visibly shrink as he asked this. The truth was he didn't know, but he knew it was a lot.

"You don't even know do you?" James continued on, somehow saying it so he didn't sound like a prat, just a concerned best mate. "Can you imagine what she is going through? Her and all her friends for some reason have always hated us. And on New Years she snogged the living snot out of you. You even said that when Jackie found you she said, 'How could you?', don't you get it? Marissa feels like she betrayed her friends or something. And now she is trying to deal with the fact that she may like you and her friends hate you and your friends. Not to mention you make it look as though you never even think about that night. In her mind, you made the choice for her. She thinks that you don't want anything to do with her." Shyly Sirius looked up at James. He knew that everything he had said was true, he just didn't know what to do about it, so he stepped out of the compartment and started to wonder the corridors, that was before someone knocked into him. Gracefully, he sprung back up and reached down to help the fourth year he had just knocked into up as well.

"Hi." She said shyly, looking up at him through her eyelashes. _'She is not too bad looking, wait, no! You are not picking up chicks right now. You need to talk to Marissa!'_ Sirius thought as he let go of her hand. He noticed that she stared at him with a strange look in her eye.

"Erm, hi. Look I'm sorry I ran into you. I just have a lot on my mind and wasn't paying attention." As Sirius made to side step the stunned fourth year, she grabbed his arm.

"If you ever need to distract yourself, you let me know. I'm great at raking people's minds off of things." she said rather seductively to him. Out of the corner of his eye he say Marissa staring at him incredulously.

"Well...you see. I can't do that." Sirius said as he made to move to where Marissa was still standing.

"And why can't you?" She asked, pouting her lip.

"Why? It's obvious isn't it? I like someone else!" Sirius said losing his calm. He tried to get to the door Marissa had just vanished behind when the girl grabbed him again.

"Since when did you ever stick with one girl?" She asked her voice had lost all its former niceness.

"Since I found the perfect girl!" Situs nearly shouted. He had had enough of this stupid fourth year, but once again she pulled him back.

"Who?" she asked suspiciously.

"MARISSA!" He yelled and stepped passed her, heading toward the compartment door, when it suddenly opened and Marissa herself stepped out.

"Yes?" She asked sweetly as if she had not heard the entire conversation that Sirius had just had.

"I really like you, and I'm sorry I have been acting like such a prat. I just thought you didn't want to be with me, and I didn't know how to handle it. I messed up and I'm sorry." He said in one breath. He stared at his shoes as he waited for her answer. Marissa put her hand behind his neck and brought his face to hers.

"I really like you too. And you're forgiven." She said with a smile as they sealed it with a rather passionate kiss.

() () () () () () () ()

After Easter break, the fifth years had to adjust to yet another routine due to the new romance between Marissa and Sirius. This however, did not sit well with me. Sure Marissa was her best friend and I wanted her to be happy. But I cannot stand Potter! Somehow he got it through his thick head that since his best mate was dating my best friend that we had to be friends. He won't leave me alone and his amount of asking me out has increased ten fold. UGH!

Sighing, I jumped down on to my bed with my pillow thrown over my eyes.

"Lily? What happened this time?" Jackie said as she sat down next to her and tried to take the pillow away.

"He freaking did it again!" I shouted into my pillow, _'I do not have the patience for this.' _

" Who did what?" Jackie asked with a smirk on her face.

"Wipe that stupid smirk off of your face! And Potter bloody asked me out! Again!" I shouted as I sprung up and started pacing the room. "How in the world am I supposed to get him to stop? It seems the more I say no; the more he has to ask me out! Like its some kind of freaking game!"

"Well, I'm hungry lets go down to dinner." Jackie said as she grabbed her bag and started to walk out the door. "You coming?" She called once she was halfway down the stairs.

'_Same old Jackie, always thinking about her stomach.' _I ran down the stairs, trying to catch up with her, hen I saw her off talking with Remus. _'Oh no, where ever there is one marauder…' _

"Hey Evans!" A deep voice interrupted my thoughts._ 'Oh no…' _"So did you reconsider my earlier offer of Hogsmeade?" I turned around to see that stupid smirk on his face once again.

"No, I have not reconsidered your offer. It is still, and always will be a no!"

"Oh, come on Evans, just one date and I'll stop asking you out!"

"NO!"

"So you don't want me to stop?" At this point the whole common room was watching the famous Evans/Potter debacle.

"Yes, I do, I really do."

"Good, so I'll meet you her at eleven for our date."

"We do not have a bloody date, POTTER!" I screamed as I slammed the portrait door in his stupid face.

() () () () () () () ()

_'What the heck? Why won't she just go out with me once?'_ I thought as I stood behind the portrait, stunned at what had just happened.

I turned around to see Remus and Jackie stifling their laughter. "It's not funny." I said making my way over to them. "Why won't she just go on one date with me? I mean I'm James Freaking Potter!"

"Exactly, one of the reasons she can't stand you is because you are so conceded. Do you ever think of anyone besides yourself?" Jackie said obviously annoyed by the conversation.

"Hey!"

"No, James she's right."

"I'm not conceded!"

"You're kidding me right?" Jackie looked like she was going to blow; I took a few steps back before she could slap me like Evans does. "Do you ever hear yourself? You just said five minutes ago that she would be lucky to have you because your James Freaking Potter!" and with that, Jackie ran back up to her dormitory.

"_Prongs_ she's right." Remus said, looking up from the book he was staring at intently just a few moments ago.

"I thought girls liked it when you were confident." I said in a voice much softer than my usual one. I had really messed everything up. Even Jackie said so, and she is usually the one who stands up for me. 

"Confident, yes. Cocky, arrogant, and conceded, no." with that said Remus walked up to our dormitory. I was stunned, some part of me knew that what they had told me was true, but another bigger part of me didn't want to admit it. I realized that the first step should probably be to apologize to Evans. Determined, I stepped out of the common room to find her. But where would she go?

() () () () () () () ()

_'Why does he have to keep doing this?'_ I ran out of the common room and down the corridor towards I don't know what. My stomach burned as I charged down the stairs and out of the doors. I didn't slow down until I reached the lake where I collapsed next to my favorite reading tree. 

'_Why? Why must he always make fun of me like that? And how does he still find it funny after all these years!'_ These thoughts circled through my head as I hid behind my tree, trying and failing to muffle my sobs._  
_

My head snapped up as I heard footsteps. _'Crap they're getting louder'_ Desperately I tried to collapse into the tree and just disappear. _'Lily Evans, sometime you are quite dimwitted! You're a witch!' _I muttered a quick concealment charm, and waited to see who had chased after me.

Peering over the trunk of the tree, I saw someone I would never expect to see running toward the lake, but once he got close to my tree he slowed down. I quickly wiped the last remnants of tears off of my face and stood up. I just had to handle this. I took a deep breath and emerged from my hiding spot to see the messing black-haired boy staring at the lake on the other side of the tree.

I walked over and stood right in front of him waiting, rather impatiently, for him to apologize. But he just kept staring at the lake, completely ignoring me. _'That prat! He is just going to ignore me! He ruined my day and when I come over just wanting a little apology he is going to ignore me!'_ I raised my hand to slap him, when I realized my hand wasn't there. _'Where is it? I can feel it. Why can't I see it? Oh… yea I put a concealment charm on me. I forgot.' _

With the realization that he wasn't ignoring me, he just couldn't see me. I sat down next to him. _'Maybe if I stayed with him for a while I'd figure out how to make it all stop.' _It didn't take long before he jumped up and started passing back and forth in front of me, muttering under his breath.

"Why did I have to be such a prat? How could I not see that she actually didn't like me asking her out? How could I have thought that she was just joking? I really messed it up this time. She is never going to like me." James' rant however got cut short when a certain 7th year Ravenclaw came storming over.

"POTTER! What did you do know?" Dan bellowed as he marched over to where James was standing.

"What do you mean?"

"What do I mean? I mean what have you done to Lily this time?"

"I didn't do anything!"

"Oh, you didn't? Then why is she missing? Huh? Why doesn't my sister know where she is? And why does everyone in Gryffindor seem to think you two had another shouting match before she ran off?"

"Well, we had a fight. But that's none of your business! Why does it matter to you if Lily has run off?"

"Why? Because I actually care about her you insolent little prat!"

"I care about her too!" James shouted at Dan's retreating back.

Dan turned around, and somehow managed to look down at James (they were the same height) and say, "If you cared about her at all, you wouldn't treat her like you do know. Asking her out every chance you get because you think its funny. And you would have noticed that she was missing, and you would be looking for her. But, let me tell you this. Don't you dare mess with her again, because if you do you'll have me to answer to." James just stood there, stunned as Dan walked away.

"He's right. I really messed this up. She probably thinks I don't care about her at all." James sighed and fell against the tree, just staring out over the lake.

'_Wow,'_ I thought thinking about all I had just heard, _'Who knew that Dan cared so much that he is storming the castle right now looking for me.' _This thought made me ecstatic, but looking at the look on Jam…Potter's face nearly broke my heart. He looked defeated, crushed.

'_He couldn't be feeling that because of what Dan said, can he? Does he actually care?'_

' _No! Lily he does not, don't let yourself fall for his tricks. He's just upset because Dan discovered his plan.' _

'_But he looked so heart-broken.'_

'_No!'_ Slowly, I walked back to the castle, trying to but all the thoughts of Potter behind. I just can't deal with worrying about that know.

**A/N**- **PLEASE READ THIS NOTE!**

Ok I just re-read everything I have wrote so far, and I saw a few errors. They are still in 5th year, although it is moving by fast because I want to write about 6th and 7th year, but there was some background stuff that needed to be incorporated so yea…5th year will probably be over pretty soon. For now, I am going to go back and re-write these earlier chapters, just fixing a few minor things. That is until I get reviews from you people! I can tell your reading, so review…I'm begging you, Chapter 10 doesn't go up until I get at least three reviews (faster if there is more) and I mean it this time! Please…Anyway I hope you liked it! Review!


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N-** I realized that I messed up in the 3rd chapter. The incident with Sev did not happen yet, since that happens at the end of 5th year after the OWLS. However, there was an incident at the black lake. I'll go back and fix it after I post it this. I got 5 reviews last chapter, so I thought that I would update first! Enjoy!

Chapter 10- What Just Happened?

Lily ran up to the castle, hoping to be able to get to Gryffindor tower without being stopped, but alas, luck was not on her side. She ran towards the portrait of the Fat Lady, but her legs froze as her eyes fell upon the scene before her. Dan was sitting next to the portrait, head leaning against the wall, muttering under his breath. Dan's eyes snapped open when he heard Lily's footsteps.

Dan jumped up from the floor and pulled Lily into a big hug. "Don't run off again, okay? You scared me. I know there is something up with you and I am not going to ask because it is your decision whether you want to tell me. But you have to understand; I'm worried for you. Please, just promise me you won't do something stupid." Dan held Lily close to him as he trailed off.

Raising her head, Lily kissed his cheek and said a simple thank you, before passing through the portrait and walking up to her dormitory. A smile on her tear streaked face. Outside the portrait Dan just stood there, a grin overtook his face as he strutted out towards Ravenclaw tower. What he didn't notice was a certain 5th year Gryffindor hiding behind one of the suits of armor, shocked at what he had just seen. If he had gone up to Lily and tried to hug her, she would have slapped him; if he had said he was worried she would have laughed. _'How am I going to get her to like me?'_ James sighed as he stepped out from behind the suit of armor and trudged up the stairs to his own dormitory.

() () () () () () () ()

Things began to change the day after Dan and James' fight. Now she ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner with Dan at the Ravenclaw table. They walked to every class together, but despite what everyone thought, they were not dating. Lily needed an escape from her life and Dan was the answer. He kept her distracted. Lily was now spending all of her free time with Dan, and when she wasn't with Dan they were sending each other notes.

Lily,

You said in your last letter that you had to deal with a lot of crap. What's going on? Are you talking about the fight you had with Petunia at the beginning of Easter break? I know it was hard on you that your mum chose to side with Petunia and made you leave. But you should try to look at it from her perceptive. Her two daughters have been fighting ever since you got your letter, and she hasn't heard from your dad since he left, which was months ago. She is just worried, and she doesn't know how to handle her two girls fighting. Please try to understand, she most be going through a lot.

Dan

Dan,

I was not talking about Petunia in my last letter. It was just things have really been stressful for me lately. I know that my mum is having a hard time with Petunia and I fighting. But she charged at me with a frying pan, and chased me around the house saying '"Die, freak!" And my mum sided with her! I didn't do anything except practice for school. But it's my fault that she overreacted to my levitating the food bowl onto the table. Big deal! Ugh! I don't know what I would have done if your parents didn't let me stay with you. I just don't know how I'm going to go back there for summer break though.

Lily

Lily,

I know this is hard on you, and you probably don't want to do this, but I think you should try to make up with them. They're your family and I know it's hard on you when Petunia acts like that, but deep down you have to know that they love you. Just try to keep your magic away from Petunia, and talk to your mum. Tell her what you're going through, and that you need her. And if you can't stand it over break, come stay with me. My parents won't mind they love you.

Dan

Dan,

Thanks for the offer to stay with you over break. I may take you up on that. But I am going to try to make it at home. However, I am not going to talk to my mother. She doesn't care, and neither does Petunia. They don't need to know what I'm going through. No one does. I'm handling it fine.

Lily

Lily,

You are not handling it fine. You are tired all the time. You freak out every time someone comes close to you. Something is up. And I know you are in pain. I can see it in your eyes. Let me help. Tell me what is going on. Please.

Dan

Lily sat on her bed, stunned by what she had just read. _'How could he have possibly noticed? I didn't tell anyone? Could he really be watching me close enough to tell?' _Lily re-read the letter once again. _'Yup, he knows something is up, but should I tell him?'_

_ 'He didn't notice anything. Don't tell him anything. You know everyone is going to judge you for it. How could someone care for a freak like you?'_

_ 'If he didn't care then how did he notice something was up? Why is he talking to me in his spare time?'_

_ 'Because he feels like he has to. You're his sister's best friend. She is probably making him be nice to you.'_

_ 'He wouldn't do that. We spend all of our time that means he cares. Right?'_

_ 'No. Once he finds out perfect little Evans isn't perfect anymore, he will want nothing to do with you. You'll just be average. There is nothing special about a girl who can't do anything right. If you open your mouth you'll regret it. I promise you that.'_

Lily's head was spinning as she read the letter for the fifth time. How could this be uprooting her life so much? All she wanted was to be normal, to be accepted, to fit in. But she could never be that girl. She was the typical outcast. She was a freak, and freaks never get their happily ever afters. All they get is pain.

() () () () () () () ()

Dan paced in his room, thinking about Lily for what had to be the hundredth time that day. What he didn't understand was how she could handle so much pain. That she just accepted this, that she seemed okay with her family hating her, with her being unwanted in their eyes. But she wasn't handling it fine was she? He could tell that she was slowly pulling herself away from the world, and into her own. But what is it that is tearing her up inside? More importantly how can he help?

Dan groaned as he flopped down onto his bed, he didn't have time to worry, but that seemed to be the only thing he could do. The NEWTS were in two weeks and he needed to focus. Sitting down at his desk once more he took out his advanced transfiguration book and started to study. _'When transforming an animate object into another animate object, the spell caster must understand McGulfrey's Laws of Transfiguration. Both animate objects need to be in environments similar to their natural habitat, and must be…blah blah blah…how can anyone read this thing?' _Slamming his book closed he glanced out of his window. Big mistake, down on the grounds he saw all the lucky souls who were not cramming for the NEWTS or OWLS. However, he also saw the unlucky chaps who were working their butts off to prepare for the Quidditch finals in two weeks, he was glad that his Quidditch captain was a fellow seventh year and would not schedule a practice right before a test. His heart went out to the fifth years zooming around down on the pitch. Reluctantly he turned back to his book to learn more about McGulfrey's Law.

() () () () () () () ()

James emerged from the pitch covered in mud. Today's practice had been exceptionally brutal. Brown had made the chasers score thirty shots in a row with him guarding the poles, and if they missed they had to do laps around the pitch, running not flying. The amount increased every time they had to do it. His sides ached as he changed out of his Quidditch robes into his everyday robes, waiting for Sirius to get back from his equally trying practice.

James had just pulled his school robes over his head when Jackie walked in thoroughly drenched. "Nice practice, eh?" James called as he cleaned his robes with a flick of his wand.

"Oh, it was just lovely." Jackie said, her voice dripping with sarcasm as she pulled her disgusting robes over her head and grabbed her neat school ones.

James sighed as he stepped closer to her, _'You have to do this.'_ "I have to ask you something." James started, Jackie looked up questionably up at him. _'It's okay; just get it out, no big deal.' _"Is Li…err...what I mean is…"

"Oh just out with it all ready!" Jackie said as she spun around to see James blushing. "What is it?" She asked again, a little more polite.

"Is Evans dating your brother?" he let out all in one breath, looking at the ground. _'Okay, you managed to say it, not well but you did it. Now all you have to do is wait for the answer.'_ James raised his eyes to see Jackie's shocked expression; evidently this was not the question she was anticipating.

"What? That's what you wanted to ask me? Humph and I thought it was important."

"It is important!" James yelled, and then added quietly, "I mean…can you answer my question?"

Laughing, Jackie turned around, "No, they aren't." she said simply before she turned and left. The smile on James' face couldn't have gotten bigger. He sat on one of benches, looking like he was off in his own little world when Sirius entered in a rather fowl mood.

"Oi Prongs, what's with the smile?" Sirius asked as he changed into his school robes, throwing his Quidditch robes at James. But even this couldn't dampen James' spirit; he stood out of the locker room with Sirius at his side, heading up to the Great Hall to take the dreaded O.W.L.s, Why their captain scheduled a practice the morning of their last O.W.L., he didn't know. Laughing they climbed the slope, and entered the Great Hall along with the rest of their year to take the last of these dreaded tests, the Defense Against the Dark Arts. A piece of cake for the marauders, most of the test was on nocturnal beasts, and werewolves were their specialty. They did spend most of their time chasing after one in the Forbidden Forest after all.

As James exited the tests with his four best mates, he still had the sense of euphoria around him. He and his friends were goofing off by their favorite tree by the lake, celebrating the fact that they would never have to take 'those ruddy tests again' as Sirius put it. And now they had two whole months before their results came. Potter felt himself relax for the first time in weeks, when the high he had gotten from Lily and finally putting those test behind him deflated at the sight of one boy, Snape.

He couldn't contain himself, his thoughts flashed back to confrontation a few weeks after school had started up. Snape had cost him his chance with Evans. Snape was the reason Lily was running towards Dan, not him. Without thinking James whipped out his wand and advanced on Snape. "What are you doing here?" James bellowed as he strutted towards him.

Snape's head snapped out of his book to see Potter advancing on him, wand drawn. He reached for his own, but was too slow. "EXPELLIARMUS!" Potter shouted. With a groan Snape saw Black emerge from behind Potter.

He turned to run, but another well-aimed jinx from Potter prevented that. Frantically, he turned over to see Potter and Black closing the distance between them.

"How'd the exam go, Snivelly?" James sneered, looking down at him in disgust.

Sirius let out a bark of laughter. "I was watching him; his nose was touching the parchment. There'll be grease marks all over it; they won't be able to read a word." Sirius spat. Laughter echoed around the small crowd that had formed. He tried desperately to get out from the invisible bonds that contained him, if he could only get to his wand. Oh, these people are going to be sorry. Oh, are they going to be sorry they ever messed with him. "You wait…just you wait…" Snape sputtered as he fought hard against his bonds.

"Wait for what? What are you going to do to us? Are you going to wipe your nose on us, Snivelly?" Sirius said coolly, looking down at Snape with a look of utter disgust.

He couldn't control himself, those two just infuriated him, every swearword and hex he knew erupted from his mouth. But nothing happened; his wand lay motionless next to him.

"Wash out your mouth, SCOURGIFY!" James bellowed, and pink, shiny bubbles poured out from his mouth, cutting off his air supply, choking him.

"Leave him ALONE!" A voice from the crowd yelled as it tried to make its way towards the front. The voice distracted Potter and Black, they both turned to see who had yelled at them. Snape crawled slowly, but effectively towards his wand.

"All right, Evans?" Potter said, trying to make his voice sound more mature.

"Leave him alone, what has he done to you?" Lily yelled, looking at both of them with the greatest sense of loathing.

Potter paused as if actually pondering this question. "Well, it's more of the fact that he exists if you know what I mean…" Laughter erupted from the crowd once more; Snape was forgotten as he made his way towards his wand, as the crowd was more interested in the promise of a good fight between Potter and Evans.

"You think your funny, but you're just an arrogant, bullying, toerag, Potter. Now, leave him alone!" Lily spat at him.

"I will if you go out with me Evans, come on go out with me and I will never lay a wand on old Snivelly again." He said quickly, thinking on his feet. What they didn't realize was Snape was getting close to his wand. He just needed a few more minutes.

"I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid!" she spat.

Sirius laughed, "Bad luck, Prongs." Sirius said as he turned to see Snape reaching for his wand, "OY!"

But it was too late, Snape's hand was grasped around his wand, and he was pointing it towards Potter in a menacing way. There was a flash of light, and suddenly there was a huge gash on the side of his cheek. James felt the blood dripping down his cheek and onto his robes. With another flash of light, Snape was hanging upside down by a tree; his robes fell over his face, to reveal skinny legs, and a pair of graying underpants. Cheering erupted from the crowd, but Lily turned on them with a furious glare, "Let him down."

"Certainly," Potter said as he flicked his wand and Snape fell from midair, landing in a heap on the ground. Sirius was quick on the uptake, sending a locomotor mortis curse Snape's way, causing Snape to turn stiff as a board and fall flat on his face.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Lily shouted, raising her wand, and pointing towards Black and Potter, both of which eyed her wearily. Hey knew what she could do with a wand, and it was scary.

"Oh, Evans, please don't make me hex you." Potter said sadly.

"Then take the curse off of him." She replied smartly. Potter sighed and turned towards Snape, muttering the counter curse.

"There you go. You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus." Potter said as Snape struggled to stand up.

"I don't need help from filthy little mudbloods like her." Snape spat. She hadn't done anything. He got himself out of this by himself. He could take care of himself. Why couldn't anyone see that?

Lily blinked; stunned at what her best friend had told her, this was the boy who helped her with Petunia and her mom, who stayed with her as she freaked out over her dad's numerous deployments, he was the one who told her about this world, he was her friend, and he had just turned on her. "Fine, I won't bother in the future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus." She sneered.

"Apologize to Evans!" James roared turning back to Snape.

But Lily just turned and glared at him, "Don't you make him apologize! You're as bad as he is!"

James just stood there stunned. _'How could she say he was as bad as him? He was nothing like him!' _"What? I would never call you a…a…a you-know-what!" he sputtered, not believing his ears.

"Ruffling your hair because you think it looks cool to look as though you have just gotten off of your bloody broomstick! Acting like you own this school, perfect Potter, Quidditch hero, transfiguration star, hexing people in the corridors just because you can, well excuse me if I don't worship your every move like every girl at this school!"

He just stood there as Evans ran back up to the castle. _'Is that really what she thinks?' _he couldn't believe that she thought so little of him. She thought he didn't care, that he thought of her like that? He stood there in shock. This was not good, and he had to fix it.

() () () () () () () ()

"WHAT?" Dan shouted at the unsuspecting fourth year who had been talking to his friend about the incident at the lake only a few minutes earlier. "What did Potter do?" he said, calming down slightly. He had warned Potter only a few weeks earlier to stay away, and now he'd gone and insulted her in front of the whole school! He was going to pay! Without another word, he stormed off in search of Potter, he had to pay.

() () () () () () () ()

James was sitting next to a tree by the lake when he heard his name being called from the castle. _'Holy Crap, who the hell can yell that loud?' _As he turned around he realized who. _'Shit.'_ He thought standing up to face McKinnon. "Potter! You're dead!" Dan shouted as he strutted towards James. "I thought I told you to back off of Lily!" Dan's face was flushed red and he appeared to have steam pouring out of his ears. "I distinctly remember me telling you that if you mess with her you'd regret it!" Dan was looking down at James as he shouted.

"And I repeat, why do you care? It's not like the two of you are dating!" James bellowed back. _'How dare he yell at me?'_ "How do you know what happened? You weren't even there!" James couldn't control himself; he got up and yelled right back. _'This guy cost me my chance with Evans! And now he is yelling at me for trying to look out for her? The nerve!'_

Dan looked slightly taken aback from the sudden outburst, but it didn't keep him silent for long. "How dare you? What did she ever do to you? Huh? Why are you so freaking hell-bent on ruining her life?"

"Ruining her life? I was _trying_ to make Snape apologize to her for calling her that. But of course I come off as the bad guy!"

"Don't try to act as though you were trying to protect her! Just two minutes before that you were humiliating her in front of the entire school! Honestly asking her out as a joke! How old do you think you are?"

James was outraged. It hadn't been a joke; he really did want to go out with Li...Evans. "What do you mean a joke? I wasn't messing with her. Unlike you! Spending all your time with her, hugging her whenever you see her, basically doing whatever you can to try and get her!" James couldn't stand this kid, acting all high and mighty.

"What…I'm not using her! You are!" Dan looked like he was about to punch James if he said one more thing.

"Yea, of course you're not," James muttered sarcastically. This however, did not go unnoticed by Dan. With a quick blur, James was knocked unconscious by Dan.

After Dan punched James he turned around and stormed back up to the castle, not looking behind him to see Lily's head traveling between Dan's retreating back and James' body lying next to the tree. Without even making the conscious choice, Lily found herself heading towards James.

But Remus beat her and was already levitating James towards the castle before she even got near him. But she kept walking to the tree where it happened. I guess you could say she was in shock. The crowd started to disperse, but Lily just stood where she was. Thoughts were soaring around her head, banging into her skull at a thousand miles per minute. She collapsed next to the tree, putting her head back, as she moved a little to the left, she heard an odd crinkling sound. She looked down and picked up the thin, black wire framed glasses. The right lens was cracked and there was a smidge of blood on the bent frame. She sat there, thinking about what James said, how he had meant it, how he was trying to protect her…and it was Dan who was messing with her. _'No, don't trust James, trust Dan. He has been the one who listened to her, and he was the one who cared, not James. Right?'_

'_But why would James have yelled at Snape if he didn't care?'_

'_Maybe he was just trying to mess with you. He loves to annoy you. He is just trying to screw up your life.'_

'_But then why did he start yelling at Dan if he had already warned him not to mess with me? He got punched in the face…because of me. Ugh, why did he keep insisting on saying he cared for me?' _Lily sat next to the tree for hours, trying to get her head on straight, but the voices in her head were determined to not let her think, one voice was set on listening to James, another on listening to Dan, and the last one was completely indecisive siding with both of them and yelling at her for not making up her mind. _'But you are my mind. You're the one who is keeping me from what you want me to do!' _What Lily didn't notice was that she wasn't just thinking this; she was saying it out loud, and getting strange looks from the people enjoying their last few weeks of Hogwarts by sitting by the lake. Once it started to get dark, Marissa walked down to the tree and grabbed her arm to take her back inside. Marissa wasn't outside that afternoon and had no idea what had just happened between Lily and Potter, or Potter and Dan. They slowly walked up to the castle, the whole way Marissa was looking at Lily like she had lost her mind, which she just might have.

A/N- Ohhh…weird chapter. I'm sorry for the delay especially since you guys have been so good with the reviews. I have just been relaxing as I have no weekends anymore; winter ball starts this Sunday and doesn't end till like end of February beginning of March. Don't worry I promise to update sooner next time =)


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N- **I'll make this short because I know you want to read. I only got three reviews last chapter, so I am hoping for a few more.

Chapter 11- World Flipped Upside Down

Marissa slowly led Lily up to their dormitory, watching her carefully. But as Lily realized she was no longer sitting by the lake, she turned to Marissa and asked, "Where are you taking me?"

"To Gryffindor Tower." Marissa said. Lily just shook her head and stormed off towards Ravenclaw Tower. She still had no idea what had happened between Dan and Potter, since she was heading back to the tower right before Dan hit him. She had no idea what had started the fight and it was driving her insane.

Lily ran all the way to Ravenclaw Tower, she needed to talk to Dan and figure out what had happened down at the lake. "DAN!" Lily shouted as she ran, tears forming in her eyes. "Dan." She choked out as she saw him walking out of the door that led to the Ravenclaw common room.

"Lily!" Dan yelled as he ran over and put his arms around her. "Are you okay?" he said as he enveloped her in a bone-crushing hug. "I tried to find you after I found out what happened but you weren't by your favorite tree and then I saw Potter. And I knew what he had done, I just couldn't stop myself. I had to punch him. That jerk just goes and tries to humiliate you in front of the whole school, just so you don't get in the way of his pranking. It's ridiculous! I don't…"

"Dan, just stop talking for a second…please." Lily said her head was spinning enough as it was and Dan ranting was not helping in the slightest.

Dan stopped mid rant and looked down at her_. 'She isn't mad is she?' _Dan just held her close, trying to express without words that he was here for her. But Lily just pulled away. "Dan, thank you for trying to take care of me, but I am a big girl I can watch out for myself."

"I know you are Lily, I just don't see the harm in lending you a hand."

"Dan, please don't interrupt just listen. I know you believe in leaning on other people for help. But I have always had to take care of myself. Watch out for myself. Make sure I was doing alright. And I'm used to that. I like that. I know you were trying to help, but punching people is not the answer, especially when you get the wrong one." Dan couldn't stay silent any longer. _'Did I really just deck Potter for no reason. No, remember he humiliated her. He deserved it. What is she talking about?'_

"What do you mean the wrong one? Potter asked you out as a joke in front of the whole school. He deserved it."

"I know he did, but something makes me feel like it wasn't a joke to him. I mean he defended me. He tried to take care of me." Lily said in a questioning voice. Not really believing herself as she said this.

"Do you hear yourself? You're talking like you have no idea what you mean. And how, might I ask, did he try to defend and take care of you?" Dan said. He looked as though he couldn't believe his ears. _'She is telling me not to but in, but when Potter does it, it suddenly makes up for all his past pranks!'_

"He tried to make Snape apologize to me." Lily said, barely above a whisper.

"What does Snape have to do with this?" Dan said thoroughly confused by where this conversation was heading.

"Snape called me a…he well…he called me a mudblood." Lily broke down again at the reminder of what her best…former best friend had done. He had pushed the boundaries of their friendship before, but never like this.

Dan's whole body became rigid at this and he turned to leave, but a small hand on his arm stopped him. "Where are you going?" She asked, looking up at him through her tears.

'I have a Slytherin to deal with right now." He said as he went to leave once more, but once more he was stopped.

"No you don't. You have me, who really needs a hug from her friend right now." Dan smiled and obliged giving her another bone-crushing hug, this time she didn't pull away and he didn't let her go. After a few minutes Dan looked down at the little red head in his arms.

"Are you okay?" Dan asked.

"Yea, I just need to get some sleep." Lily sighed. Her head was aching from everything that had happened that day.

"I'll walk you back to Gryffindor Tower." Dan said as he put his arm around her waist and lead her in the direction of the Fat Lady. Lily sighed and allowed herself to be led by Dan. They walked silently through the empty corridors of Hogwarts, until they ran into someone neither one of them wanted to see.

"Lily!" Snape yelled as he ran towards her, he had been sitting outside the Fat Lady. "I need to talk to you, alone." He added when he saw Dan standing next to her.

"I don't want to talk to you right now." Lily sighed before Dan could step in.

"Lily please…I'm sorry I didn't mean it." Snape said as he looked pleadingly at her.

Lily turned to Dan, "Let me talk to him for a moment." As Dan started to protest she said, "I know you don't want me to, but I need to talk to him. Just give me five minutes, okay?"

Reluctantly, Dan agreed and with a quick peck on her forehead he left. But what they didn't know was he just stood around the corner, still listening to their conversation and ready to jump in if he was needed.

"What?" Lily snapped as she turned back to Snape. He flinched at her tone, but continued nonetheless.

"Lily, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. It just slipped out. I was just so angry at Potter that I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry Lil, I really am."

"Don't call me Lil anymore. Only my friends are allowed to call me Lil."

"Don't be like that, I am your friend."

"No you are not. A friend would never call me that, and don't say it just 'slipped out' because I knew you were thinking it. You call all muggle-borns that. How am I different? Why do you apologize to me and not them? Just face it Snape. We are too different now. You choose your path and I choose mine. We are just going different ways, and you have to accept that. Not all friendships last forever." Lily moved to walk away, but Snape grabbed her arm.

"Some friendships do last forever though. And I'm apologizing to you because you are worth it. Oh Merlin, I cannot believe that you are mad at me for this. Are you really going to let this ruin our friendship?" Snape shrieked as he looked at her incredulously.

"I'm not ruining our friendship, you are. I wasn't the one who sent Potter into the Black Lake to be eaten by the Squid over a little prank. And I wasn't the one who made you talk like that to me. You have brought this upon yourself. You have no one to blame but yourself." Lily turned to go, but Snape stopped her once more.

"Lily, you can't blame me for that! Potter was asking for it! Don't let him ruin our friendship!"

"I can blame you for that and I will! Now let go of me!" Lily said as she tried to leave again, but Snape did not relax his grasp. "I said let go of me." Lily said as she took out her wand and preformed a simple burning spell that caused Snape to finally let go of her. But Snape was quick to retaliate and gave her a nasty cut on her arm. There was soon a cloud of hexes as all the anger the two teenagers had bottled up was released.

Dan quickly ran out from where he was hiding, and directed a shield charm over Lily, realizing what he had done, Snape ran off towards the Slytherin common room.

Dan looked down at Lily and saw that she had a few scratches on her arms, and judging by the way she was doubled over he had done something to her stomach. This thought made him want to go and hunt done Snape, but Lily was sitting there in pain and she needed his help.

"Lily, you should probably go down to the Hospital Wing to be checked by Madam Hendrick." Dan said. But Lily didn't say anything, or do anything that remotely showed that she heard what Dan had said. She just continued to sit there, doubled up, rocking herself. Dan looked at her in horror. _'How could a simple fight with a friend affect someone like that?'_ However, he didn't dwell too long on that as he quickly slipped an arm around her waist and led her to the Hospital Wing. The movement seemed to wake Lily up from whatever trance she had been under, because she stopped muttering and looked up at him.

"Where are you taking me?" She asked through the tears on her face.

"I'm taking you down to the Hospital Wing." Dan said. The tears that feel down her cheeks pained him. They made the short walk down to the Hospital Wing in silence.

When Dan pushed open the big oak doors he called for the healer as he led Lily to one of the spare beds. "What happened sweetie?" Madam Hendrick asked as she started to poke and prod Lily with her wand. As Lily didn't look up to answering, Dan did.

"She had a pretty bad fall." Dan said evasively. He really wanted to tell the healer the truth, but was afraid it would get Lily into trouble, and she could have gotten those injuries from a fall down the stairs.

Madam Hendrick just nodded, not quite believing him and said, "I'm going to keep her here overnight. She will be fine. You can visit her in the morning." Dan just nodded, kissed her on the forehead, and with one last look at Lily headed out of the Hospital Wing and toward Ravenclaw Tower. He knew it was pointless to argue with Madam Hendrick when it came to her visiting hours, and it was hopeless to try to get her to divulge any more information then she originally told you.

() () () () () () () ()

Back in the Hospital Wing, Lily was peacefully sleeping, her mind emptying itself of all the burdens it has been under. But on the next bed over a boy was having to deal with putting his mind back together, without going crazy over losing yet another shot with Evans. He hadn't seen Dan's fist coming towards him or he would have ducked. His temple still throbbed where Dan had hit him. Madam Hendrick had been able to wake him up, but he had a pretty bad concussion, so he just had to ride it out. He looked over at the little gold alarm clock that went off every three hours to make sure he didn't slip into a coma and die from possible bleeding in his brain.

James just sat there thinking about how he had messed up once again with Evans. How was he going to get her to like him? As he lay there, waiting for sleep to overtake him once more, just so he can be awoken as soon as he drifted off by that annoying alarm clock, he heard a moan from the bed next to him. _'That's odd. I thought I was in here alone.'_ James decided to find out who else was in here, so he hopped out of his bed and started to pull curtains away from the beds. He found the other occupant in the bed that was just two down from him. He smiled triumphantly at himself for finally finding the source of the moaning. But that smile was wiped off his face as the body turned and he saw the curly fire-red hair that he knew so well. _'What is Evans doing here? Snivellus didn't get to her while I was in here did he? I'm going to kill him and Dan for doing this. It was Dan's fault that I'm in here and wasn't able to help Evans.' _

James stood there ranting for a few more minutes before he slowly made his way back to his bed. He had found out who it was and that was all he had wanted to know, but now he wished he didn't know. It was killing him not knowing what was wrong with Evans, so he snuck out of bed again to go and see her. She looked okay. There was no visible damage to her. He saw her patient record on the side table. Madam Hendrick must have forgotten about it, because she never leaves her files around. This was his chance to know what was wrong. But did he really want to find out this way? _'Well, how else am I going to find out?'_

With that reasoning James walked over to the table and picked up the file. Evans, Lily M. it said on the little tab on the outside. He took a breath and was just about to open it, when he heard Lily give off another moan and roll over in her sleep. She was facing him now. It was like she was watching him to make sure he behaved. His head started to spin at all the thinking he had done. It felt like his brain was beating against his skull, it was not a comfortable feeling. He quickly sat down in the chair that was next to her bed and that's when he saw them. The ugly bluish-yellowish blotches just visible on the thin strip of her stomach that was exposed from her constant turning over, he couldn't help it, he let out an audible gasp at the sight of them.

'_Who could have done that to her? It didn't matter who it was. All that mattered was that they were going to pay. That guy and Dan, Dan had kept me from my Evans. If I had been there I would have been able to protect her.'_ James reached over the bed and grabbed a hold of one of her hands. And his other hand went and rested on her stomach. She had suffered because he was not there to protect her and he was never going to let this happen again, next time he was going to be there to make sure she is safe always, no matter what. He fell asleep with his head on the bed and his hands one holding hers and one lying gently on her abdomen.

() () () () Later That Same Night () () () ()

Lily woke up suddenly to find Potter's head lying right next to hers, and his hand holding hers. As she turned to see him better, she noticed that his other hand was lying extremely close to her side. Thoughts swarmed through her head as to why he was asleep next to her, and what she was doing in the Hospital Wing. As she stretched she felt her back crack and as she opened and closed her hands, she noticed that there was something in one of them. She brought her hand up to her face to examine what it was that she was holding. She saw the thin black wire frames, and the cracked right lens. It took her a second before she realized that she was holding Potter's glasses. What was she doing holding Potter's glasses? And then it hit her, the events of yesterday came rushing back to her. The memory of the past events gave her a gut-clenching feeling. How could all of this happen to her? Why does everything have to happen to her at the worst possible times?

Lily sighed and looked from her hand that was entwined with Potter's; to her hand that held his glasses. Why did this simple thing cause butterflies to erupt in her stomach? Lily stayed in bed just staring at him. It was amazing how different he looked in his sleep, his messy black hair floated over his eyes, and there was a small egg-shaped bump on his right temple from where Dan had struck him. She was staring at him when an annoying shrill scared the living daylight out of her, and caused her to jump up, _'What the bloody hell was that?' _Apparently she was not the only one who heard it. James jumped out of his chair and jerked his head up at the sudden sound. It was a big mistake. His free hand shoot up to his head, it was spinning from the sudden movement. After his head stopped throbbing he opened his eyes to see a blurry Evans staring back at him.

"Evans, I am so sorry." James began but he was cut off by Lily.

"What do you mean you're sorry?" Lily replied. James was unsure what her tone meant, so he just continued on.

"I shouldn't have left you. I'm sorry you got hurt because I wasn't there to protect you. I should have been there to protect you from whoever hurt you. I can't forgive myself for that. It's my fault that he did that. I'm just so sorry." James trailed off, but stopped when he felt Lily squeeze his hand. He hadn't even noticed that their hands were still entwined.

"It's not your fault. Snape and I have been on uneasy terms since the beginning of the year. He has just changed so much. The Sev I knew would never have jinxed you into the Black Lake, even if he hated you. He almost killed you at the beginning of the year. And then now with what he called me…I just can't deny that he is different anymore and it's not your fault. Even if you guys hadn't have fought yesterday, it would have slipped out eventually. Snape is different now and there is nothing you can do to change it." Lily rambled off, but James was quick to interrupt her.

"Regardless, I should have been there to protect you. I'm sorry I wasn't. That's not going to happen again."

"Potter I don't need you to protect me, I don't need anyone to protect me. I'm a big girl I can take care of myself." Lily said stubbornly.

"I know you don't need it, and that you can take care of yourself. But I want to be there to take care of you." James said as he looked deep into Lily's eyes.

"Why?" Lily said as she stared at the sheets, she couldn't look at Potter's eyes. It was too much for her.

"What?" James had not been expecting this. "Because you're amazing and I can't bear to see you in pain. You're perfect and I want you to be safe, not that you can't take care of yourself. It's just look what they did to you." James said, backtracking once he realized his mistake of inferring that she could not take care of herself.

"You're wrong. I'm not perfect. Not even close." Lily sighed as she pulled her hand out of his to pull her hair up into a messy bun, just for something to do.

"Well, you are to me." James said as he moved to go back to his bed. Lily sat up on her bed and watched him leave, stunned at what he had said. _'Does he really mean that? Does he think I'm perfect? Does he really want to be there to protect me? Does he really care? And why do these thoughts make me so happy?' _Lily laid her head back down as a smile overtook her face. James Potter cares about her. But why did that matter so much?

() () () () () () () ()

When Lily woke up the next day, she felt like there was a fog surrounding her brain. Slowly she opened her eyes to see that she was in the Hospital Wing. She stretched out her back, and sat up looking around to see the light streaming in the windows. She was only able to enjoy the quietness of the new day for a few seconds, because Madam Hendrick came bursting in right away with a bluish potion in her arms. "Oh, good, you're up." She said as she measured the potion and gave it to Lily.

As she turned to grab it, she noticed that she still had Potter's glasses in her hand. She quickly slid the glasses under her blanket, for some reason she didn't want Madam Hendrick to know that she had them. After she swallowed the disgusting bluish potion, she turned to the healer. "Madam Hendricks what happened?"

"Mr. McKinnon brought you in here last night, you had a few scratches on your arm that I healed right away, but what worried me were the bruises."

"Brui-bruises?" Lily stuttered, not quite believing her ears.

"According to Mr. McKinnon you fell down the stairs, and you must have hit your stomach pretty hard against the steps, you caused some pretty bad internal bleeding. But don't worry I'll have you back to normal in a few hours." Lily just stared at Madam Hendrick, she had massive internal bleeding. What was that supposed to mean?

"How bad?" Lily asked, not looking the healer in the face.

"It's nothing to worry about. I'll have you good as new in a few hours. You just need to take a cup of this potion every 20 minutes. Oh, and you have a couple visitors." She said as she left. Lily quickly stashed the glasses in her nightstand, as the curtain opened to reveal Dan, Marissa, Alice and Jackie. Marissa and Jackie just stood there looking confused as Dan ran to her side and asked her how she was feeling, and Alice sat in the seat that was occupied by James just a few hours ago.

"I'm okay. Madam Hendrick said I should be out of here in a few hours." Lily said as she sat up to greet her friends.

"What I don't understand is what happened." Marissa said as she sat down next to Lily on the bed.

"What? Dan didn't tell you?" The girls shook their heads, and Dan just looked down at the floor. "Well, I guess I will then," Lily began cryptically. "It started when Potter and Snape were fighting by the lake. Of course I went to stop them, and then Snape called me a…a…a mudblood." Marissa, Jackie and Alice all gasped at this. They hadn't known this part. "And then Potter got all defensive and tried to make him apologize and then I snapped at him. And then as I was going to leave I heard Dan and Potter yelling so I turned back and I saw Dan punch him. And I guess it kind of shocked me. I mean you totally knocked him out, Dan." Dan just continued to look at the floor. "And then I had to go talk to Dan about what he did. And then as we were walking back, we found Snape sitting outside the Fat Lady. And then we kind of got into a hexing fight and then Dan took me down to the Hospital Wing, and then you guys showed up and yea." Lily summed up quite evasively.

Jackie and Marissa just stared at her, thoroughly confused by what she had just said, and why she was acting so calm about everything. "And you're okay with all this?" They asked at the same time, Alice however stayed quiet absorbing everything that Lily had said. Lily smiled at how similar the two best friends were,

"Yea, it doesn't bother me anymore. Sev and I aren't friends anymore, and I mean we weren't really that close before so I guess yeah, I'm okay." Lily said as she looked down at the sheet. Her stomach was really starting to hurt. At that moment Madam Hendrick came bursting in to give Lily another potion.

"What are you guys still doing here? Out! Miss Evans needs her rest. You can see her when she is released." Madam Hendrick yelled as she shoved them out the door. Madam Hendrick came back quickly and started lecturing Lily on the importance of rest for her patients, but to be honest Lily wasn't paying attention to the rest of the lecture as she was slowly losing consciousness as the potion started to work.

() () () () () () () ()

Marissa, Jackie and Dan were on their way back outside, since they needed to discuss what had happened to Lily. As soon as the two girls had led Dan away from the school, they turned and glared at him at the same time. Dan visibly shrunk back under the glares of the two teenage girls. "What?" he said, much quieter than he meant it to be.

The two girls turned to him and said, at the same time, "Why didn't you tell us what happened?" "Why did you feed us some falling down the stairs crap? I know she is clumsy, but even she can't land herself in the Hospital Wing just by falling down the stairs." Jackie said as she held Dan under his gaze.

"First of all, back off. Don't look at me like that I'm not the bad guy. And I told you that she fell down the stairs because that's what I told Madam Hendrick and, knowing you two, you would start making a big deal out of it and she could have heard you." Dan said as he glared right back at the girls. They were not going to intimidate him.

"Why did you lie to Madam Hendrick? She isn't going to give Lily a detention for fighting. And how do you know that one of those spells Snape shot at her didn't leave a permanent effect. How do you know there aren't certain checks that she has to run once someone is in a duel? How would you feel if Lily got stuck in the Hospital Wing because you were to proud to admit that you didn't step into her fight soon enough?" Alice spat at him. She didn't understand why he didn't just tell Madam Hendrick what had happened.

"I am trying to protect her." Dan said, looking at the ground. What if Lily is really hurt because he didn't tell the truth? If Lily wanted people to know then she could tell them, until then he was going to stick to his falling down the stairs story. "If she wants people to know then she can tell them. I just don't want it getting out and people asking her about it because she is really upset about the whole ordeal. Now if you excuse me I have to study for the last of my N.E.W.T.s. Just because the O.W.L.s are over doesn't mean everyone else is too." And with that Dan gathered as much pride as he could and walked away from his sister and her best friends.

() () () () () () () ()

Lily slowly opened her eyes as she woke up from the potion-induced nap she had been taking and turning over in her bed and saw a two letters sitting there for her. She sat up and pulled the letters into her lap. She sighed as she saw the overly fancy, loopy hand writing of her sister, and reluctantly began to read.

Dear Freak,

Your headmaster wrote home about your 'incident'. I honestly don't see the big deal is. So you had internal bleeding, big deal. You fell down the freaking steps! You're so bloody ungraceful that you can't even walk down steps properly. Shows what kind of freak school you go to. And by the way falling down a flight of stairs does not give you the right to mess with our normal lives. We are perfectly happy without you here to ruin them. Oh, and mom wanted me to tell you that Dad is being relocated again, so if you can go somewhere for summer break that would be much appreciated since I for one, would not want you to be there whilst I am making normal friends. But don't worry I'm sure you have no idea what that is, and I'm not about to share mine so back off!

Your normal sister,

Petunia

Lily sighed at her sister, why did her sister have to act like that? What did she ever do to her? Lily looked at the next letter and saw that it too was from the Muggle world. Although she smiled as she saw the familiar block style writing of her father, Mark Evans.

Dear Lily,

Hi, sweetie. How's school going so far? I heard about the incident with that Severus Snape boy. And don't worry I'll take care of that when I get back. But, I'm only going to be home for a week as the Royal Navy has decided to relocate us to Bristol. And I know this is may seem far away from our current home in Portsmouth, but it's only 2 ½ hours away, so I'll still be able to kill that Snape boy. The only thing is that we could only find a two bedroom apartment, so you and Petunia will have to share. I know the two of you don't exactly get along, but maybe this can help. Feel better.

Love,

Daddy

Lily wiped a tear away from her eye as she re-read her letter. Her dad was same as always, trying to fix her problems by pummeling the guy who was causing them. And even though Lily had told Dan off for threatening to murder Snape, it was touching that her dad would drive 2 ½ hours just to take care of a guy who was giving her crap at school. Lily smiled as she once again fell asleep. However the smile did not last long.

Lily was soon thrashing about in her bed at the Hospital Wing as her nightmare played out. At first everything was okay, and Lily was sitting in her family's living room. But there was something off. The walls were covered with pictures of her dad. Big blown up portraits of him in is Navy uniform. And a bunch of smaller ones surrounded them. These little pictures were of him and Petunia or mum or all three of them. However, there was none of her. As she looked around the house there wasn't any sign that the Evans had another daughter.

Disgruntled Lily walked up the stairs to her room; all the pictures of her family were starting to creep her out. But as she opened the door, she discovered that her room was not like her room at all. Yet this Lily seemed to recognize it. She looked around at the bare walls and floor. The only thing in there was a mattress which rested on the floor, two pillows and a blanket. Yet this somehow was what she was used to. Silently she closed the door and sunk into the moldy old mattress, hoping to get some rest. But as soon as her head hit the pillow she was no longer in her room. She was at the cottage in Ireland where her family used to vacation before Lily got her letter and her dad was put on active duty.

Silently Lily walked along the beach, and finally her family came into view. They were laughing and splashing each other in the water without a care in the world. As Lily ran up to them something changed. They were no longer smiling and Petunia had turned around and was glaring at Lily. "Leave." Was all she said.

"What?"

"I told you to leave. Are you too pathetic to even know what that means? We are sick of your mistakes and your failures. You have disgraced our family name enough. So I will tell you again, leave." Petunia was looking at her with a glare of utter dislike. Frantically Lily turned to her parents. They can't really be kicking her out of the family, can they? But her parents were looking at her with the same sense of loathing as Petunia. "I believe our daughter has told you to leave us alone. Now please leave." Her mother said, looking down her nose at Lily.

"But I'm your daughter too." Lily said quietly not quite trusting her voice to speak above a whisper. She was met with the shrill laughter from her parents. Lily looked up at her with tears in her eyes.

"How could we ever have such an imperfect, worthless girl like _you_?" Her mother spat. She looked lovingly at Petunia, but as she turned to Lily it became a look of pure hate. "Now leave before you contaminate our family anymore." She sneered. Wordlessly Lily ran from them, as she approached the cabin again she looked back at her family. But it was just her mother and her sister. They looked so happy, so carefree without her.

Sighing Lily walked into the house to get her stuff, and leave her family behind. But as she stepped through the door, she arrived at the mixed up living room again. This time she kept walking to the library where her father often worked when he was off duty. But as she passed the kitchen, she saw her mother comforting her sister at the table. Curious she walked into the kitchen to see what was wrong.

"Tuney?" Lily called as she walked into the room. Both girls looked at her with tear-stained eyes.

"What do you want, freak?" Petunia spat as she was overtaken with tears again."You do freaky stuff all the time. Why couldn't you save him?" Petunia yelled as the tears started to flow freely again. Lily just stood there stunned. _'What did I do now? And was Tuney actually yelling at me for not using magic?' _

"What?" Lily said in barely more than a whisper.

"You did this to him! You're the reason I don't have a dad anymore!" she yelled, knocking over her chair as she stood up.

Lily did not take this lightly. She had been pushed thin over the years and this was the breaking point. "He was my dad too!" Lily yelled back at her. She ran outside, not bothering to hide the tears that were flowing down her cheeks.

Another scene unfolded before her. She was suddenly in a barely lit graveyard. She looked across the grass and saw her family looking down at a grave. She started to run at them, but was stopped when she realized it was not just her family there. Her dad, sister and mum were suddenly surrounded by men in black sweeping cloaks.

Lily's legs had frozen in terror as the black cloaked men were spinning her family high above their heads. Lily stood there screaming at them to stop. But they couldn't hear her. She ran forward, but soon everything turned green, and her family was lying dead on the cold ground of the graveyard. Lily ran faster than ever, screaming her head off, but no matter how fast she moved her legs, the farther she got away from them. Soon new images were flashing before her; she ran past Alice's, Marissa's and Jackie's dead bodies. And then suddenly all the bodies turned and faced her, chanting "Lily, Lily, Lily," Getting louder each time. Lily screamed out loud as she sat up suddenly, eyes taking in her surroundings. Lily stopped shouting when she realized that she was no longer in the graveyard, she was safe in Hogwart's Hospital Wing.

Lily fell back onto the bed, thoroughly shaken by her nightmare it was so realistic, it was terrifying. Lily closed her eyes again, hoping to have more pleasant dreams, but it didn't matter. No sooner had Lily closed her eyes that a strong hand enveloped hers. As Lily looked up at the boy who was trying to comfort her, a smile played on her face.

"Hey." was all he said as he sat down and squeezed her hand.

A/N- Wow 15 pages…my longest so far. Now I only got three reviews last chapter, that was great, but I want more! Please please please review! I am stuck on the next chapter because I used all my ideas on this one, and I need the inspiration from your reviews! Please be amazing and review because I have been having a crappy week and you can make it by clicking that little blue button! Please…look at this you have made me beg for your comments. I'm begging you…please…


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N- **Alright, I went through everything I have wrote previously and I have to saw its atrocious! I promise I won't skip over time so much and put in more detail, I just really didn't have much planned for fifth year, but I needed to put in some background info. I promise it will get better! Now read!

Chapter 12- A Night In The Wing

Lily smiled as she saw who it was who was holding her hand at that moment. "Hey." He said as he sat down in the chair.

"Hey, how did you get in here?" She whispered to him. Don't get her wrong, she was glad he was here, but she just couldn't understand how he had slipped in to see her.

Dan just smirked and squeezed her hand again. "What? Do you not want me here?" He said as he put his face in a look that was supposed to be hurt, but came across as cocky.

"No," Lily said way too quickly, but she recovered fast as she continued. "I just had the worst dream, I needed to see someone. I'm glad you're here." Lily said as she looked down at her sheets. She had yet to get a peaceful sleep while here. Potter's bloody alarm clock went off every three hours and when she did manage to fall asleep, it felt like someone was haunting her dreams. She needed someone to be there for her. She had always hated it when people said that they had to have someone, that they desperately needed them, but every once in awhile you do need your friends to be there for you after a rough night. And Lily Evans, well she had been having a rough couple of days with everything going on. Dan looked down at the girl with fiery red hair that seemed to shimmer even in the Hospital Wing in the middle of the night, where the only light was the coming from the almost full moon.

"Well, I'm here now. You can go to sleep, I'll keep you safe." He said with a smirk as he squeezed Lily's hand. Lily smiled as she snuggled into her pillow, relieved that she had somebody there with her. She was too young to be dealing with everything that had been dumped on her. She was only 16! Sixteen year-olds should not have to be afraid of their Dad dying in a war, their family being torn apart, being shunned by their family for being just a bit abnormal, and they should not have childhood friends turning on them. Even though she had seen it coming, the abrupt end to her and Sev's friendship shook her more than she would like to admit. As she closed her eyes, she remembered that day back in the beginning of the year, when her friendship had really started to crumble.

**FLASHBACK **

"Lily! Lily, I'm so sorry, I didn't know that would happen…" But Snape stopped his well-prepared apology as Lily just held up her head motioning for him to stop.

"Sev, just stop okay. And you did mean what you did by the lake." Lily just held up her hand again signaling Sev to stop. "Yes, you did mean it. You always go off about how you are going to kill Potter. I just never knew you were serious."And with that Lily ran back up to her dormitory not wanting Sev…to see the tears forming at the thought of him trying to kill someone…even if it was Potter, murder is just going way too far.

**END FLASHBACK**

But Lily refused to just cut him loose. Even though she knew that he was not always the person she had thought him to be, she knew the real him was still in there somewhere, but where? Maybe if she tried a little harder or if she pushed him a little more, but nothing she did made Snape anymore like the boy she meet when she was ten, the boy who first told her about this world. But this did not dampen Lily's spirit. If anything it encouraged her even more. She had to do this. When it was just the two of them she got close to seeing her old friend again. But he always had this wall around him that took a lot of effort to try and break down. But what he had done out there was the final straw. She had been the one who hid him over the summer when his dad was drunk and beating him because Snape could do magic and he couldn't. She had always taken him in without asking any questions. And this was how he repaid her? By calling her that despicable name in front of half the school, embarrassing her beyond belief, her best friend called her a mudblood and now the whole school will. Because face it, all she is a dirty little mudblood, that's all she will ever be in the magical world. And when she goes back to the muggle world, she is just a freak.

Lily tried to push these thoughts from her mind as Dan reached up and pulled the blanket over her, beckoning her to fall asleep once more. But it wouldn't come. She laid there for a few minutes with her eyes closed trying to get sleep to come, but it refused to. Finally she cracked open her eyes, "Dan"

"Hmmm…" he muttered as he opened his eyes slowly, looking at the fiery red head he liked so much. "What's wrong?" he said rubbing his eyes.

"I just can't sleep. I'm afraid the nightmare will come back. I just can't handle anything right now." Lily said as silent tears started to fall down her cheeks as she remembered all the dreams that have haunted her for the past year.

"Shhh…it's okay. Don't cry Lily, I'm here." Dan said as he squeezed her hand.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to cry. It's just every night I keep having these weird dreams and they are freaking me out." Lily said as she wiped her eyes on the back of her free hand.

"Don't cry Lil, I'm here. Everything is going to be okay. Why don't you tell me about the dreams? Maybe talking about them will help."

"Well, there are three that I keep having. In one of them I am at my house, except something is off, there are pictures of my dad everywhere. It's his funeral. And it's all my fault. And then in another one, I'm at this place in Ireland were we used to vacation when we were younger. And I'm watching my family splash around in the water. And when I get close to them, they turn on me. Telling me that I have to leave because I am a freak, they told me they could never have a daughter as messed up and freakish as me." Lily took a labored breath as she continued the images of the last nightmare still fresh in her mind as she recited it, she had made a quick decision not to tell him about the one where everyone abandons her, it would be too much. "The last one, my family is in this graveyard and they are huddled around one of the tomb stones. And then suddenly they are surrounded by men in dark hooded cloaks, and I try to get closer to warn them, but they can't hear me yelling as I try to run faster. But it's not working, the faster I run the farther away they get. And then suddenly there is a flash of green and they are all lying dead on the ground. And…and…I couldn't get to them. I kept running but I wasn't going anywhere. And then suddenly I am surrounded by dead bodies, my family, Alice, Marissa, Jackie, yours…" at this point Lily broke down. She had been carrying those dreams around all year, and now they were finally out.

Dan got out of his chair and stood next to Lily, still holding on to her hand. "Shhh, it's okay Lily. That's not going to happen. I'm going to protect you. Just calm down, I'm here for you. I won't let anything happen to you." Dan said, he punctuated this with a kiss on her forehead, but Lily's silent tears still fell. Dan sat down on the bed next to her, wrapping her in his arms. He sat there rubbing her back as she drifted off into the first peaceful sleep she had gotten all year. She loved that tonight she was sleeping, if only for a moment, in Dan's arms. But it wasn't just for a moment. The two teenagers fell asleep like that. Dan leaning against the backboard of the hospital bed, and Lily wrapped up in his arms, her head on his chest.

() () () () () () () ()

"Ahhhh!" Dan shouted as Potter's alarm clock interrupted his sleep. He jumped up from his awkward position on the bed, wand held high and spun around, trying to figure out what it was that was making such an annoying sound. He stopped and looked down at the red head who was silently laughing at him. "What?" he said as he stood rigid in front of her, wand still held out as if he expected someone to jump out from behind one of the many drawn curtains.

"That was just Potter's alarm clock. It goes off every three hours because of his concussion." Lily explained with a smile on her face at the sight of Dan being totally baffled by the fact that his perpetrator had been nothing more than a small golden alarm clock.

As he sat back down, he realized that the first rays of sunlight were peeking in through the window next to Lily's bed. He sighed and turned to Lily, "I should be going. It is starting to get light outside which means Madam Hendrick will be coming in soon to check on you, and I'd rather not get caught."

"Okay." Lily said as she looked up at Dan through her eyelashes. She really didn't want to be left alone, but she understood why he had to leave. Dan bent down and kissed Lily's forehead before silently heading towards the door. He turned and winked at Lily before he opened the door and slipped out into the morning. Little did Lily know, but she was not the only one watching Dan leave. He had been waiting for over an hour for Dan to leave. He wasn't supposed to be there. He was supposed to take care of Lily not him. Sighing, he stepped out from behind his hiding spot and sat down next to her bed. She looked so peaceful in her sleep. I doubt she will ever be this peaceful around me again.

It could have been minutes or hours before she stirred from her slumber, but it was too soon to the young boy who was sitting next to her. He wanted more time, he wanted to be there for her, but he knew as soon as she opened her eyes and saw him she would want him gone. Sadly he put his head in his hands, _'How could I have screwed this up so badly?' _He was pulled out of his thoughts by Lily's voice, "What are you doing here?" She sneered. He flinched at her voice.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay." He said, still looking in his hands.

"Why do you care? I'm just a little mudblood."

"Don't call yourself that."

"Why not, you did! You don't care about me! All I am to you is a freaking little mudblood pain in the arse! All those years you lied to me about us being friends! Do you even know what a friend is?" Lily shrieked as she sat up.

"Lil, all those years you were my friend, you were so much more than just a friend."

"I don't want to hear it, and I told you not to call me Lil." Lily said as she stood up, leaning against the bed for support.

"But you were Lily. I have always cared for you, I always will."

"No! How could you care about me? I'm just a little mudblood to you! And don't try and tell me not to call myself that because you call me that, you and your friends call everyone like me that!" Lily was advancing on the stunned Snape.

"Lily I have always cared about you."

"Stop saying that! Stop lying! I can't stand you lying to me!"

"Lily…please listen to me…I'm not lying to you."

"Yes, you are. Now leave!" She yelled as the tears she had been holding back all year spilled over. Wisely, Snape backed off. He desperately wanted to comfort her, to explain to her that he did care for her…a lot. But he had already hurt her and he didn't want to hurt her more. Slowly he left the Hospital Wing, one backward glance showed that she was back on her bed, and Potter was going towards her.

It wasn't fair that Potter and McKinnon got to be there for her, he wanted to do that. Maybe if he hadn't been a Slytherin, or if she wasn't a muggle-born, or maybe if they lived in a different time they could have been together. But with the way the world was now, the war that was going on…he couldn't. If he turned against Slytherin house he wouldn't live to see graduation. Times were changing fast, everyone was choosing sides, and it would be deadly if anyone ever found out how he truly felt about Lily. He decided then and there that he had to give up on her. He couldn't love her because that put them both in danger. It was for the best if he just ignored how he felt. It would go away eventually, right?

() () () () () () () ()

"Hey, Evans. Are you okay?" Potter said as he made his way over to her bed.

"I'm fine." Lily said, a little bit too fiercely.

"Okay, I just wanted to make sure you were all right." Potter said as he turned to leave.

"Why?" Lily said before she could stop herself. It had been bothering her since the beginning of the year. Why did he care?

"What?" Potter said as he turned around, shocked.

"Why do you care?" Lily said with her back towards him. Which was good, she couldn't bear to see actual emotion in his eyes.

"Why wouldn't I care?" Potter replied shocked at the way the conversation was going.

"We have never gotten along. You always pulled pranks on me. You have always hated me. So why do you care now if I'm okay?" As she said this she turned around and was shocked at the way Potter was looking at her. His eyes were searching her, examining her.

"I never hated you. And yes I pulled pranks on you, but I pull pranks on everyone, it's what I do. And I asked about you, because I do care for you. I care for you a lot."

"Don't" Lily said, she dropped her eyes to the floor, she couldn't handle the way Potter was looking at her. There was too much emotion in his eyes, it was scaring her. She was not up to this. She could not handle Potter doing this again. Not after what happened with Snape.

"Fine, I won't say anything. It's just Snape seemed to have shaken you a bit and I wanted to make sure you were okay. I know you will hate to hear this, but it is not the best time to strike up an argument."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lily said as she looked up harshly at Potter, she hated people telling her what she could do. Potter visibly retreated under her gaze.

"It's just you're hurt. Look at you! You can barely stand. Not exactly in the best shape to start an argument is it?"

"What do you mean? I'm fine."

"Evans, don't kid yourself. I saw what happened to you. You probably shouldn't be out of bed!" Potter said. He was trying to portray with his eyes that he did not mean offense by this at all, but it wasn't working so well.

"What do you mean what happened to me?" Lily replied, taking in slow breaths, _'He can't know. Can he? No, it's impossible! There is no way he could have found out. No one knows, and no one is going to know.'_

"It's nothing to be ashamed of, everybody gets hurt. Just tell me who it was. I'll kick their arse." Potter said with an angry gleam in his eyes.

"What do you mean who it was? I thought you could tell. Snape and I got into a fight." Lily muttered as she looked down at the floor, but that was not before she saw the murderous gleam in Potter's eyes.

"He did this to you? How dare he? He could have killed you! I'll kill him!" Potter's rant was cut short when Lily grabbed his hand.

"Potter, it was just a fight. He couldn't have killed me. He just gave me a couple scratches on my arm. I'm fine. Madam Hendrick just gave me a potion that's making me a little woozy."

"Then what happened to your stomach?" Potter countered, as he said this Lily pulled her hand away from him.

"What?" She shrieked as she fell backwards onto her bed. _'What the hell does he mean? He can't know, can he?'_

"I saw what he did to you. Don't deny it. He could have really hurt you! I won't let him hurt you again." He said as he tried to grab her had, but she backed away. He looked up, trying to see what was wrong, but all he saw was fear in her eyes. _'Why is she afraid? He didn't threaten her did he? I'll kill him! How dare he threaten my…how dare he threaten Evans?'_

'_What the hell is he talking about? He can't know. He can't! Wait a second, what does he mean by what he did to me? Does he think Snape did that? Crap! This is not good. Not good at all.'_

"Potter, what are you talking about?" Lily asked as calmly as she could. She desperately tried to keep the fear out of her voice, but she failed.

"Evans, you don't have to be afraid of him. I won't let him hurt you. I'll take care of it."

"What do you mean afraid of him? No one hurt me! What are you talking about?" Lily said, her voice rising. She was close to tears, she knew it, but she could not fathom crying in front of Potter. He would never let her get away with it. She put her head in her hands. Too much was changing too fast. She just couldn't handle it anymore, but who could blame her? She was just a sixteen year old girl whose life had just been flipped upside down.

"Look, I saw the bruises. I heard you muttering last night so I looked around trying to figure out who it was. And I saw you. I was pretty sure it was you, but I didn't have my glasses on, because they got knocked off when Dan hit me and I don't know where they went. But that doesn't matter, anyways, I walked up next to you and sure enough it was you. And then you turned and I saw the bruises on your stomach…" He looked down at the ground as he said this. He purposely left out the fact that he spent the night next to her bed. She didn't need to know that.

"You…you saw those?" Lily sputtered out. _'This cannot be happening. This is not happening. It's just some sick twisted nightmare, except it's not. Damn this is really happening.'_

**A/N-** Ohh…what is going to happen now? I only have a few ideas so if you have any please let me know. And also I would like a few more reviews this chapter =) Sorry for the delay but I have been having constant migraines for the past nine days and the thought of looking at the computer screen made it even worse…I thought you deserved an update so this is what I have so far. Sorry it's short. Hopefully I'll have Chapter 12 up within a week or two…no promises there though…Ohh one last thing review!


	13. Chapter 13

A/N- Sorry this took longer than normal, I just didn't feel like typing at all. That is why this chapter is rather short. I'm sorry I have just been so busy with conditioning and now I have to see a chiropractor three times a week for like the next five months…so I am going to try to get as much writing done over the break as I can.

Chapter 13- Confrontations

"You…you saw those?" Lily sputtered out. _'This cannot be happening. This is not happening. It's just some sick twisted nightmare, except it's not. Damn this is really happening.'_

"Yea, I did Lily. And you don't need to be afraid of him! Go to Dumbledore, tell him what happened. Snape won't bother you again. I promise. I won't let him touch you." Potter said serenely. Trying to make Lily look into his eyes, to see that he meant what he said. But Lily just seemed to get angry at him, she looked furious when he finally caught her gaze.

"What do you mean I don't have to be afraid of him? Have you not been listening? SNAPE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!" Lily yelled. She didn't understand what had gotten her to yell this at Potter. She may as well have admitted that it was her. She had never told anyone what was going on. So why was she practically yelling it at Potter of all people? Maybe on some level she needed someone to know. Maybe what she really wanted was someone to hold her and tell her everything was going to be all right.

"Wait, but Snape…" Potter said, a perplexed look crossing his face as if he was trying to remember the name of a distant relative.

"Potter I'm tired. Leave." Lily said as she sat back down on her bed, her back towards him. Wanting him to go, and stay at the same time. She couldn't understand why deep down she wanted Potter to come over to her and wrap his strong arms around her, telling her it was going to be okay.

Lily quickly forced these thoughts out of her head. _'I don't want Potter to be there for me, do I? No, I don't want him. I just need someone and he is the only one here. But I do need someone to know. But who can I go to? Marissa and Jackie wouldn't understand. They are amazing, but they don't understand how the world can be so bad. And Alice has too much going on to even think about trying to push this on her too. Petunia and mum wouldn't care. Dad is off somewhere. I guess that just leaves Dan. Dan, why didn't I think of him earlier? He would understand. I'll tell him before school is out.' _With that settled, Lily drifted off into in uneasy sleep as she finally heard Potter's retreating steps and they crinkling of the hospital bed that told her he was laying down in his bed on the other side of the room. Lily's dreams haunted her again that day, but this time her dreams were centered on how she was going to tell all of this to Dan.

() () () () () () () ()

Dan was walking around the corridors, wondering where all the time had gone. He could hardly believe that in a week he would be off in the world, fending for himself. He was staring off into space, when someone's footsteps pulled him out of his thoughts. He turned and was pleased when he saw his favorite little red head walking toward him. "Hey Lil, when did you get out of the Hospital Wing?" She wasn't supposed to be released until tomorrow.

"Hey Dan, I got out early."

"How? Madam Hendrick never lets her patients out any sooner than she initially says they will be released. If anything she holds them longer." Dan said as he still stared at Lily over the doorway.

"Well Madam Hendricks couldn't have done anything else and I was sick of staying there."

"You broke out?" Dan asked in disbelief.

"Yea, err…Dan could I talk to you for a second?" Lily said, looking up at him through her eyelashes.

"Yeah, of course."

"Privately…" Lily said looking down at the ground. There was no backing out now. Dan grabbed her hand and lead her into an empty classroom.

() () () () () () () ()

James Potter was lying in his bed trying to decipher the conversation he had had with Lily. _'What did she mean Snape hadn't done this? Who could have if it wasn't him?'_ These thoughts swarmed his brain as he mulled over their conversation for what felt like the hundredth time since leaving her bed.

He sat there. Arguing with himself over what she had meant by it wasn't Snape's fault. He couldn't think of anyone else who had been close enough to harm her without him noticing. So who could have harmed her? Who could have done this to her?

These thoughts were running frantically around his mind as he tried to come up with answer. "Oi! Prongs! How's the concussion?" Sirius yelled as he entered the Hospital Wing that afternoon. Since he was still mulling over his conversation with Lily, he wasn't up to being badgered by his best mate.

"Pad shut up, I'm not the only one in here." James muttered with his eyes closed, he wished that Pad would just leave, but he knew he wouldn't.

"Who else is here?" Sirius staged whispered as he made his way over to his best mate's bed.

"Evans." James grunted, his eyes still closed.

"No way, and she hasn't killed you yet? I mean you guys were in close proximity for more she than twelve hours and you aren't damaged beyond repair? That's amazing!" Sirius said as he sat in the chair next to James' bed.

"Shut up." James grunted again as he opened his eyes and saw his smirking best mate.

"Wow, what's got your knickers in a twist?" Sirius laughed as he leaned back in his chair.

"Nothing, just this bleeding headache..." James lied as he sat up in bed.

"Ok mate, whatever you say." Sirius grinned.

"Shove it." James said as he punctuated it by throwing a pillow at Sirius. This led to a full-fledged pillow war. Once all the pillows, sheets, and anything in reach had been thrown and scattered across the floor, the two boys were in fits of laughter. However, this did not last long as Madam Hendrick made a sudden appearance.

"Boys! What in Merlin's name do you think you are doing?" She shouted as she looked around at the sheets, pillows, lamps, and candy that were thrown across the room surrounding his bed.

"Err…" Sirius said as he looked back and forth from James and the Healer. He desperately tried to think of a lie that would explain the mess, but he came up dry. "You see…err…what happened was this giant talking badger…well he flew in here and…err…you see he was trying to disrupt James over here so I felt the need to tell him off. And then he got mad and started throwing stuff randomly around the room…and yeah..." Sirius said with as much seriousness he could muster.

However Madam Hendrick did not find this excuse humorous at all. "Out." She said as she shot daggers at Sirius' retreating back. Muttering under her breath, she waved her wand and put all the items back to their rightful place. She turned to James with her wand held high. He visibly shrunk back, afraid of being hexed for Sirius' horrible lie. That was until he remembered that she was a professor and couldn't harm a student. Nonetheless the look she was giving him was scary.

As she gave him an exam, James swore she was prodding him with her wand much harder than need be. "Alright, your brain is healing up nicely. Just take this potion and you'll be free to go." She said as she thrust an ugly looking potion at him, before turning and heading down towards Lily's bed.

James threw his head back and swallowed the potion as fast as he could. It tasted like fat. It sloshed down his throat and he could feel it coating his mouth and throat. "Gah! That was disgusting!" he yelled to nobody in particular.

He quickly hopped off his bed and ran out the door to find some pumpkin juice to chase down the putrid feeling in his mouth. A few minutes later he emerged from behind the painting of fruit, his stomach was happy and full of pumpkin juice and treacle tart.

As he rounded the corner he heard voices coming from the other corridor, they were heading his way. _'Crap! Hide…' _he thought as he jumped behind one of the tapestries. He didn't know why he jumped behind the tapestry, but something in the tone of voices of the two walking down the corridor told him that they did not want to be disturbed.

"…I don't understand. What is this about? Are you okay? What's going on? You're scaring me…"

"Just…just promise me you will keep an open mind. Please don't judge me for this." James knew that voice was familiar but he couldn't place it.

"Of course I would never judge you. But please, just tell me what's been going on. I'm worried about you…" the guy rambled out. James focused as hard as he could to try to place the voices. They were right there in the back of his mind…

"Okay, I'll tell you. Just can we go somewhere? I don't want anyone to overhear." James almost gasped out loud when he finally placed the voice. How had he not known earlier? He poked his head out from behind the tapestry to see Dan leading Lily into an empty classroom. _'What did Lily have to tell Dan? Did this have something to do with the bruises? Is she going to tell him what is going on? Why can't she tell me? Oh yea…she hates me. I forgot about that…well as long as she is telling someone…'_

James was pacing in the corridor trying to decide if he should peak into the room to see what was going on, when he heard someone else coming. Thinking fast he opened the door next to the one Lily and Dan were in and ran inside. He didn't know why he was so damn jumpy. There was nothing wrong with walking in the corridors. He still had two hours until curfew. He shook his head at his nervousness and was about to open the door when he heard a muffled sound coming from the wall. Confused he walked over and pressed his ear against the cool wall trying desperately to make out the words being spoken only a few meters away from him.

"What did you say? Lily that's stupid."

"I know it is, but I can't help it. I'm just really messed up…"

"No you're not. It's going to be okay I'm going to make it better."

"You can't just make it better. You don't understand anything about it. I can't explain it. It's something you have to experience to understand. It was just that…that…I have gone so long with no one knowing. I had to tell someone. It's killing me." _'What the hell?'_ James thought as he tried to press his ear even closer to the wall.

"You choose to tell me, there must have been a reason behind it. You expected me to understand. You wanted me to. You wanted me to tell you that it will be okay."

"No, I choose you because there was no one else I could tell. I haven't spoken to anyone but you in weeks. Marissa has been spending all her time with Sirius and to be honest she was never good at handling big news. Jackie is distracted with John, and she still believes the best in the world. And I won't be the one to point out how childish that is."

"What about Alice?"

"Alice has enough to worry about right now. Her mum is really sick. They don't think she will make it through the summer. And you know her dad died two years ago. I can't add more to her plate. I won't do it." Lily said.

"Lil…I'm sorry. I know you have a lot going on."

"No you don't. You don't know half of what's going on. And don't ask because I can't tell you."

"Why can't you tell me?"

"It's not mine to tell. I've told you too much already." James' ear was practically going through the wall as he strained to hear the conversation. A few seconds later he heard the door slam shut. He held his ear, muttering curses under his breath from the ringing that was going on through his head. Sitting down with his back against the wall, he tried to decipher what exactly was going on with Evans.

() () () () () () () ()

"Lil…I'm sorry. I know you have a lot going on." Dan said as he tried to grab Lily's hand.

"No you don't. You don't know half of what's going on. And don't ask because I can't tell you." Lily said. Her eyes looked like they were on fire as the tears she had been holding back for years finally spilled over.

"Why can't you tell me?" Dan asked as he tried again to grab Lily's hand, but once again she pulled away.

"It's not mine to tell. I've told you too much already." Lily muttered as she ran out of the room, leaving Dan standing dumbstruck in the empty classroom.

But Lily didn't see this. She ran as fast as she could up to Gryffindor tower, her side burning as she did so. After a few minutes she reached the Fat Lady completely out of breath. Standing off to the side she took big breaths, trying to bring her heart rate down, and get rid of the tears that were still trying to fall.

Once she collected herself she quickly strode through the common room and up to the girls' dormitory.

"Lily!" As soon as she walked through the door, a giant mass of purple flung towards her.

"Gah!" She yelped as she fell back on the floor. "What in the name of Merlin's most eccentric left sock was that for?" Lily yelled from her position on the floor. She recognized the blob on top of her as Marissa and laughed at the whole situation.

"Well, we have not been spending the appropriate amount of time together. So I have called a mandatory girls night in and we were just waiting for you to finally show your lovely face." Alice called from over on her bed.

"Lily? Why are your cheeks all red? What happened?" Jackie said as Marissa finally got off of her.

"What? Oh…it's nothing." Lily said as she looked around the room. "Well, I'd say our supplies are extremely lacking. Marissa and Jackie can you head down to the kitchens? Alice and I will get the room ready." She said as she started getting all the blankets out of her trunk.

"Umm…yea…sure…" Jackie said as she looked at Marissa before making their way down to the kitchens. As soon as they shut the door Alice turned on her.

"Lily, what is going on? And don't you dare tell me it's nothing!" Alice said as she looked down at her friend who had yet to turn around.

"Alice, I just don't want to talk about it right now okay?" She said looking down at the floor.

"Fine, but not because I believe it's nothing. Just because you obviously don't want to talk about it and I don't want to put a damper on girl's night by sending you to the Hospital Wing again." Alice said as she spun her wand around, causing all of the pillows to fly around the room and land randomly on the floor, followed by the blankets.

**A/N- **Sorry I know this is short, but I wanted to have the girls' night as a separate chapter and I thought this was a good place to stop. I thought I should have a girls' night to tell you what has been going on, since I have been focusing on Lily for awhile now and I thought we could use some catching up. Just a few questions for you…

How are you feeling about Dan's reaction towards finding out Lily's secret?

Should James have been listening in to their conversation?

Do you think Lily should tell her friends what is going on?

Do you think it's justified since she doesn't want to worry them?

What topics should come up in girls' night?


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N-** Hope everyone had a Happy Christmas! I know I did. I got a punching bag!So excited! I'm updating twice in one week! Whooot! Anyways enjoy…so far it's my favorite chapter!

Chapter 14- Girl's Night In

Lily's back was still turned as Alice put the finishing touches on the room. She took a shaky breath as she turned around. She was determined to put everything with Dan behind her and concentrate on girl's night.

She saw Alice giving her a strange look as she got the trashy magazines out from under her bed. "Hey Al, I'm sorry I snapped at you guys. I have just been under a lot of stress and I didn't mean it. Everything has been so weird for me lately. I just can't handle anything right now." Lily said as a tear slid down her cheek.

"Oh no, Lil I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you. Obviously you have been going through something and I shouldn't have pushed you. You don't have to tell me what's going on if you don't want to." Alice said as she reached out and pulled Lily into a hug.

"Al, you have nothing to be sorry for. You have a lot on your mind right now. You're stressed, and no one can blame you for snapping occasionally." Lily said as she pulled Al in for a tight hug.

"I still shouldn't have snapped at you. Just because I am going through stuff does not mean that I can snap at you guys." Al said from her muffled spot on Lily's shoulder.

"It's alright. Just let it out, you'll feel better." Lily said as she stroked Al's hair. She wished she had someone to pull her into a hug and just tell her everything is going to be okay. But she needed to be strong. She had to take care of Alice and Marissa and Jackie. She had to be strong for her girls.

When Jackie and Marissa finally returned from their trip to the Kitchens, they were shocked to see Lily supporting a sobbing Alice. They quickly threw all the sweets on the bed and ran in for a group hug.

A few minutes later with all of them all cried out, the Gryffindor girls lay down on the blankets to start eating their chocolate and treacle tart. "So…" Jackie started awkwardly looking back and forth between Alice and Lily, "What was that sob fest about?" Marissa gave Jackie her 'wow you're a dumb ass' look before turning to Alice.

"What she means is are you okay and do you want to talk about it?"

"I'm sorry guys…" Al started out but was cut across immediately by Lily.

"I told you to stop apologizing!" She said as she looked down at her friend. "You did nothing wrong so stop saying 'I'm sorry'"

"Right, I guess it was just the stress of everything going on finally caught up to me. Which is why I called a girl's night, we will be leaving for summer holidays soon and I feel like we have barely spent any time with each other. We have been so distracted by the boys that we haven't spent any quality time together since like Christmas and that's just pathetic. We are supposed to be best friends and we have had no time together! So we are going to talk like old times. Alright Jackie you can start."

"Well what do you want me to say?" Jackie said as she looked at her fellow Gryffindors confused as to how to start.

"Oh I have an idea!" Marissa said as she hopped up and started digging through her dresser. When she pulled out a wide tinted bottle she turned to her friends with a big grin. "Let's play a different version of I Never. Jackie can start and if you have to drink then you have to explain. This way we can pick a topic to talk about." She said as she poured four generous glasses of firewhiskey.

"Great. Okay, errr I never cursed a guy and snogged him in the same day." Jackie said as she looked around the room. She was surprised to see Marissa and Alice take a drink.

"Mark." Alice said simply.

"Sirius, we had a big fight and we ended up screaming and then I shot the Bat bogie hex at him and then like a half hour later he apologized. Best snogging we ever had. She said with a smile on her face.

"What did you fight over?" Alice asked innocently.

"Err well, he mentioned something about Lily and I got really mad."

"What did he say about me?"

"He said that after you saved Potter and everything that he thought you guys were going to start getting along. And you guys don't fight like you used to anymore. So I guess he kind of got it in his head that you were going to you know get together and he got really mad that you started seeing Dan instead. He took it back right away though. I think he realized that it's not up to him who you date and he said he was sorry for freaking out." Marissa said quickly looking at the floor.

The room got suddenly quiet as everyone turned to stare at Lily. "What?" she said after a few moments of awkward silence. "Dan and I aren't dating." She said simply as she looked around the room at the girls' startled expressions.

"You aren't?" Marissa blurted out before she could stop herself.

"No. Why? Who told you I was?" She said as she looked at each of her friends in turn with a confused look on her face.

"Well, it's all around school that you are. I mean he defends you against Potter. You eat all your meals with him. He walks you to all your classes. People are bound to think that you guys are dating." Jackie said slowly.

"You mean you really aren't dating him?" Alice said incredulously, looking at Lily like she lost her mind. "Why wouldn't you date him he's fine!"

"Oi! That's my brother you creep."

"It's not creepy. He's hot and there is nothing wrong with that." Marissa said looking at Jackie as if she was weird for not thinking Dan was hot.

"He's my brother! That's what's wrong with it!"

"It doesn't matter. Let's just keep going with the game. I'll start." Alice said as she picked up her glass. "I never slept with a guy in a public place."

Marissa was the only one who drank this time. "Sirius, last month, top of the Astronomy Tower." She said with a smile on her extremely red face.

The girls stared at her for a moment before continuing. The game went on for a few hours and soon all the girls were having trouble sitting up. The girls had long since gotten rid of the drinking game and were just chatting freely as they downed a second bottle of firewhiskey.

"Lil, are you sure you and Dan aren't dating?" Marissa asked for the third time that night. All the girls, including Jackie, could not understand why Lily wasn't dating Dan.

"I'm not dating him, we are just friends. But the same can't be said for you and Sirius now can it?"

"Actually, lately, Sirius and I are more friends with benefits. At the beginning he was all yeah we are a couple we do couple things and everyone is going to know that we are a couple. But lately he has been withdrawing a little bit. We aren't doing any couple things in awhile and I think he might want to break up, but enough about me. How's John?"

"He is bloody amazing!" Jackie sighed, "I can't get enough of him! I mean I just saw him a few hours ago and I already miss him. It's just perfect." Her face had the biggest smile on her face as she thought about her boyfriend of six months.

"Do you know who else is wickedly sweet?" Alice asked.

"You and Frank?" Jackie laughed as she once again feel off her bed. This time she chose to remain on the floor as this was the fourth time she fell off her bed.

"No, we are just friends, like Lily and Dan."

"Oh are you still singing that tune?" Marissa asked as she took another swig from the bottle, leaving half of the contents dripping down her chin and onto the front of her shirt. "Because I don't think I saw Lily and Dan snogging in the broom cupboard next to the library!"

Everyone turned to look at Alice who had gone quite red. "How did you know about that?" She said with an extremely red face.

"You two aren't exactly quiet. How long did you think you were going to be able to keep this from us?"

"Well, we aren't exactly dating. We just hang out all the time and snog occasionally. He hasn't officially asked me out though, so technically I wasn't lying when I said we weren't together."

"Yeah, but you said you were like me and Dan. I don't snog Dan. Though Merlin knows I would like too." At this outburst all the girls got overtaken with fits of laughter as Jackie pretended to gag off in the corner.

"What even started this conversation?" Jackie asked after she lost her dinner in the bathroom and returned.

"Oh, I know! I know!"

"Yes, Marissa?"

"You asked us who was wickedly sweet!" Marissa replied sweetly. Before clutching her mouth and running into the bathroom herself.

"Well isn't that just lovely." Lily said as she watched her friend run into the bathroom. "Who were you talking about Al?"

"Isn't it obvious? Peter and Steph! They haven't been able to keep their hands off each other since the Christmas party!" Al exclaimed, looking around at her friends as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I know! Those two are probably going to get married. I have never seen two people so in love, especially at this age! The only other boy at this school who is as smitten as Peter would have to be Potter with you, Lily." Marissa said as she walked back into the room.

However she soon bolted down the stairs towards the common room, as fast as anyone who had drunk half a bottle of firewhiskey could. Lily was right behind her, pillow in hand.

Marissa jumped off the last step and dove behind the couch, trying to hide from Lily. However her never ending giggles gave her away.

"I got you!" Lily shrieked, terrifying the four Gryffindor 6th year boys who had just been returning from a rather tiresome full moon adventure. They almost started gushing out excuses, before they realized that the red head was not looking at them, but rather the brunette giggling like mad behind the couch.

"Ahh!" Marissa screamed as she tried to leap over the couch, but her foot become hooked behind it and she feel face first onto the floor.

"There is no running from me! Now take it back!" Lily yelled, pillow held threateningly over her head, ready to strike.

"I'm sorry take what back? That Peter and Steph are really cute? I didn't know you had a thing for Peter." Marissa said as she fought back more giggles. Under the cloak, no one was about to break out into giggles. Quite the contrary really, Peter who was being delivered the most scrutinizing glare from Prongs suddenly wished he was anywhere but under the cloak with his friends.

"That's not what I was talking about and you know it!" Lily yelled as she hit Marissa repeatedly with her pillow. "Take back what you said about Potter!" A fully fledged pillow war erupted between the girls, under the cloak Sirius was rolling his eyes at the grin that had spread across James' face. Peter was just happy not to have James glaring at him to notice anything else.

"Why do I have to take it back? It's true!" Marissa yelled as she finally disentangled herself with the couch and started to get up, glaring at Lily as she did so. "Why can't you just accept the fact that Potter has it bad for you?" Marissa yelled from her safe spot in the other side of the common room.

Not knowing whether it was because she really wanted someone to know, or because of the alcohol, she found herself yelling right back, "Because it doesn't make any sense!"

"Why?"

"Because! He can have anyone he wants! He could get anybody in this school and he chooses me? That doesn't make any sense! I'm a nobody! I'm a freaking nobody screw up and he chooses me? Marissa use your head it doesn't make any sense!"

"Lil, of course he would choose you. You're smart and pretty and an amazing friend, Potter knows this and that is why he wants you." Marissa replied back in a whisper.

"No." Lily said as she turned her back on her friend. "no." she said again, even quieter. For a few minutes no one in the Gryffindor common room moved. They were all too stunned. Slowly the boys dragged Prongs up to their dormitory.

"Well, at least we know how she feels now." Sirius said as he pulled the cloak off of the boys and jumped onto his bed. Peter not knowing what to say just went into the bathroom to take a shower, hoping that Sirius would be able to handle James on his own.

"How could she think that? How can she think that she's a nobody?"

"James…"

"It's not right. I have to go."

"James…" Sirius repeated, but he had already grabbed the cloak and threw it over himself quickly as he made his way back downstairs. When he reached the common room, it took all of his self control not to go over and give Lily a hug as she stood with her back towards him, practically doubled over. Marissa had obviously left for her dormitory a few moments after the marauders, since she was nowhere in sight.

Taking his chances, he pulled off the cloak and sat down on the couch and just waited for Lily to realize he was there.

For some reason she wasn't as perceptive as she usually was. He assumed it had something to do with the smell of firewhiskey on her breath. He didn't remember standing up, but suddenly he was right there behind her, just staring at her beautiful red locks.

After a few more moments of her not realizing he was there he decided to test fate even further and say something. "Are you alright?" he whispered, looking at her with concern in his eyes.

Her back stiffened at the words and she slowly turned around. However, at the sight of him looking so concerned, like it actually mattered to him whether or not she was doing okay, her cold exterior melted. She felt her knees give out and she almost collapsed onto the floor, but a pair of strong arms held her up.

She slowly tilted her head back to look into his warm chocolate eyes. As she looked into his eyes she felt every emotion she had tried to bury that year rise to the surface. She felt all the pain, anger, sorrow, rage, hurt, depression, and confusion build up inside of her. And then suddenly she just let it out. She didn't know how long she stood there with her head on James' chest just letting her tears fall.

And once all of her tears had fallen, she still stood there leaning against him, his arms holding her tight. She couldn't help but fell this sense of right. She felt safe in James' arms. It didn't bother her to cry in front of him, to depend on him. And this scared her.

Last year she couldn't stand him, and now she just spent close to an hour crying on him and he just held her. Everything was different, but she didn't care. She knew it was weird to rely on James, but she didn't even want to think about letting go.

After a few moments, she slowly pulled her head away. Her hands still clutched the front of his shirt, and his hands were resting softly, but reassuringly on the small of her back. Even more slowly she unclenched her hands, although she kept them resting on his chest. She stared at her hands as she spoke, "I'm sorry, I don't usually break down like this."

But James just shushed her. "Don't apologize. Everyone just needs to let it out some times." He said as he looked down at the girl he was lucky enough to have in his arms.

"But I ruined your shirt." Lily said slowly as she stared at the tear-stains on his shirt.

Without even looking at where she had been crying, he said, "I don't care." Lily looked up at him with uncertainty in her eyes, but all she saw was passion in his. He didn't care that she had completely lost it in front of him. He didn't care that she showed weakness, he didn't care. "Are you alright?" he asked again, still staring deep into her eyes.

All he cared about was whether she was alright. And for some reason this brought a smile to her face, "I'll be fine. Thank you for…well this." She said awkwardly as she tried to brush the last of her tears away. But suddenly a larger warmer one moved her shaking hand away and wiped away any remnants of tears. His hand lingered on her cheek, and Lily basked in the warmth.

"If you ever need to let it out again, I'm here. I'll let you cry on my shoulder anytime, no questions asked." He rubbed small circles on her cheek before slowly pulling away. Despite having drunk close to a half a bottle of firewhiskey Lily never felt better as she walked back up to her dormitory that night.

**A/N-** So? Pretty good huh? I know it makes me sound conceited to say that about my own story, It's just this is my favorite chapter so far! I know a lot of you have been asking me to say what Lily's secret is. But I have decided to keep it a secret for a little while longer. I don't see the need for people to find out just yet. I'll need more than 2 reviews a chapter before I tell everyone what is so bad.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N- Hope everyone had a Happy New Year; one of my resolutions was to start updating every other week. Let's see if I can keep it!

Chapter 15- Hangover

'_Ugh, why do people have to be so bloody loud?'_ Lily thought to herself as she pulled her pillow tighter over her ears. All she could remember from last night was a lot of laughter, tears, and firewhiskey. _'What happened last night? Ugh and why can't they shut up?'_ Lily slowly opened her eyes, but immediately regretted it as a blinding light was coming from the crack in the hangings surrounding her bed.

Keeping her eyes closed, Lily slowly sat up and closed the hangings around her bed. She tried to shut out the obnoxious noise going on in her dormitory while she tried to remember what exactly had happened last night.

All she was able to remember was the talk the girls had and then Marissa came back from the bathroom and said…something. She remembered it made her mad, and then they went into the common room and then she was crying on somebody's shoulder. Wiping the sleep away from her eyes, she stood up slowly and pulled the hangings away from her bed.

"Guys what happened last night?" Lily whispered as she tried to wipe the hangover-induced stupor from her eyes.

"You don't know either? I just remember you chasing Marissa down the stairs and then nothing." Alice said as she also clutched her head.

"Mari, I remember crying on somebody last night. Was that you?" Lily asked as she transfigured a blanket into curtains for the window in their dorm, greatly dimming the light in the small room.

"I don't think so. After you beat me up with your pillow, I left. Yea I went back upstairs and Jackie was passed out on my bed and Alice was belting out this weird muggle song…hunk of burning something or other."

"If I wasn't crying in your shoulder, then whose was it?" Lily asked as she looked at the other girls.

"If it wasn't Marissa, and Jackie and I were already out of it. Then it must have been one of the Gryffindors, but who would have been in the common room in the middle of the night?"

"And who would have let me cry on their shoulder for like an hour or something? I mean I'm not exactly close to anyone besides you three."

"I know who it had to be!" Marissa exclaimed. She was soon hushed by a furry of pillows from her friends for talking to loud.

"Who?" Lily hissed as she rubbed her head.

"Isn't it obvious? Who would rush for the chance to help you?"

"Dan…but he's a Ravenclaw." Lily said as she continued rubbing her temples.

"Well he is in Gryffindor…he would love to do anything you asked of him…he has tried to get your attention for years…Oh come on you guys are pathetic! He's a Quidditch star, loves Evans, and he is in Gryffindor!" Marissa exclaimed as she stood up. She was once again meet with a furry of pillows, but this time it was because of what she said, not the volume at which she spoke it.

"It wasn't Potter if that's what you were inferring!" Lily hissed as she glared at Marissa. "I mean the guy, he was sweet. He asked me if I was alright and then I kind of lost it so he wrapped his arms around by waist and he just held me. He didn't try anything. He just held me up against him, and he was rubbing by back. It was cute. It couldn't have been Potter. He was sweet. And he told me the next time I was about to break down he would just hold me like he did last night. Besides if it was Potter then he would have tried something. He would have cared that I practically ruined his shirt with my tears. I don't know who it was but it was not Potter." Lily said as she shook her head, trying once again to get rid of her hangover-induced stupor.

"Fine. It wasn't him. But it would have been so cute if it had been. I mean you have to admit he has grown up a lot this year. And he is doing it for you so you might want to cut him some slack. I mean you don't even know him that well." Marissa snapped as she stormed out of the dormitory.

"What's her problem?" Lily asked as she stared at the door that Marissa had just slammed.

"She has a point." Jackie said slowly, "I mean he has shaped up a lot this year. He doesn't hex people for no reason in the middle of the corridors."

"Oh really? Well someone should give him a medal! He finally passed the maturity age of four!" Lily said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Just a few days ago he hexed Snape for no reason. He just did it for a laugh! How can you say that he's any different?"

"How do you know that Snape didn't taunt him before that? Besides Snape tried to kill him in the beginning of the year, I think that Potter was justified in his pranks on Snape this year. If someone threw me into the Black Lake and almost killed me I would be a little hostile towards that person too." Jackie said as she got of her bed and followed Marissa out the door.

() () () () () () () ()

In the boys' dormitory, the morning was quite different. James was lying in his bed, once again dreaming about Lily when a sudden burst of cold water caused him to jump up and sputter, "What the bloody hell was that for Padfoot?"

"That was for thinking we would let you sleep while we sat here wondering what happened last night when you left under the invisibility cloak. Now tell us what the hell happened before Peter wets himself in anticipation." Remus snapped from his bed on the other side of the room.

"There's nothing to say." James said as he grabbed his wand off the side table and dried himself.

"Bull crap Prongs! You cannot spend over an hour and a half alone with Evans and have nothing to say!" Sirius said exasperatedly as he jumped off his bed and walked right up in front of James. "What happened?"

"Well, when I got back down there Marissa had already left, so I took off the cloak and I walked up behind her, and I asked her if she was alright and then she just kind of fell so I caught her and I held her up, and that's it. We just stood there. And then I talked to her a little bit before she went up to bed and I came up here to sleep before I was so rudely woken up!" James finished as he glared at his friends.

"Bull!" Sirius yelled. "And if I would ask Evans what would she say?"

"Well, there is a chance that she won't remember." James said slowly.

"What did you do?" Remus sighed. He had heard many of the wild stories that James came up with to try and get Evans to love him, and none of them would work.

"I didn't do anything." James said fast, and then more slowly he added, "However, there is a slight chance that she and Marissa were drunk and that's why they were acting weird."

"How slight?" Peter mumbled, emerging for the first time that morning from his bed.

"Umm…well she let me hold her, and I could smell it on her breath."

"James Harold Potter! For it to have been that strong she would have had to have drunken half a bottle at least!" Remus yelled as he waded his way through the mess to make his way to James' bed.

"I know. I didn't try anything I swear! I just held her as she cried!"

"Wait a second. She was crying?" Sirius asked looking dumbstruck.

"Shit. That does not leave this room! I wasn't going to tell you that."

"I can't believe Evans was actually crying!" Sirius exclaimed again as he burst out in laughter. He received glares from all of his friends for this, but he didn't realize it. He continued to laugh, almost doubled over by the time James approached him. However his laughter did not last long as he soon received a swift punch in the jaw courtesy of James' fist.

With that said James grabbed his pants of the floor and pulled them on, while throwing on a shirt. He grabbed his tie off the side table as he walked out of the door, never breaking his stride as he continued to get dressed.

He just finished tying his tie as he stepped off the stairs and into the common room. He sat down in the chair right next to the spot where he had been holding Lily the night before.

He flashed back to last night, how good it felt to have her in his arms, to be the one comforting her. He was startled from his thoughts as a quick hand slapped him upside the head.

In a knee jerk reaction he put a hand to it and turned to glare at the person who delivered the blow. He was startled to see that it was Marissa standing there glaring down at him. He had been expecting a marauder.

"What was that for?" He asked as he continued to rub his head.

"That was for making me yell at Lily. Now were you the one in the common room last night?"

"What?" He said as he stared at her in shock. He was however only half in shock. But he didn't want to talk about that night before he had a chance to discuss what it meant with Lily.

"Oh Merlin. It wasn't you?" Marissa asked incredulously. James just kept the look of confusion on his face as she stared at him. Marissa yelled out in anger before strutting out of the common room. A few minutes later an equally pissed off Jackie descended from the girls' dormitory and made her way to the portrait, without so much as a backwards glance towards him. _'What the hell happened up in that dormitory?' _James thought as he stared up at the place in question, silently willing the answer to just come to him.

() () () () () () () ()

"Write me every day!" Alice yelled as she pulled Lily and Jackie in for another hug. Marissa was off somewhere saying good-bye to Sirius.

"We will." Lily sighed as she was crushed to death by Alice. When she was finally let go another pair of arms wrapped around her, she yelped as they rested on her stomach and immediately sprung back looking up to see Dan. They really hadn't had that much time to talk since she had told him what was going on and truth be told, it had been slightly awkward between the two of them.

"I need to talk to you." He whispered in her ear as he leaned down and slid an arm around her waist. He led her off to a private part of the station. "How are you?" He asked as he looked down at her, his eyes searching hers.

"I'm fine." Lily said with as much seriousness as she could muster. Truth be told, she had had a trying last week at Hogwarts. She wanted to be able to convince Dan that she was fine, but part of her just wanted him to look at her and say, 'No you're not.' But Dan just nodded his head at the answer.

"I just wanted to check, and to tell you that if you need somewhere to run to, you can come and stay with me."

"Thank you, I might take you up on that."

"Alright let me give you the address."

"Dan, I have been to your house before. I went to your Christmas party remember?"

"Yeah, I do. But I moved into a flat." Dan said as he handed Lily a piece of parchment, '75 Flemington Road, Little Whinging' it said.

"I'll keep it in mind." Lily said as Dan gave her a brief hug before going to collect Jackie. Lily stayed there for a moment, going over their conversation, before grabbing her trunk and crossing the barrier into King's Cross Station.

"Hey, Tuney!" Lily yelled as she spotted her sister. What she was not expecting though was the scowl on her face. They had always started out the summer getting along and then she would slowly turn from 'Lily' to 'freak'. It seemed this year they were skipping straight to 'you're a freak stay away from me', joy!

"I told you not to call me that." She said through clenched teeth.

"And I told you not to call me freak. Until you stop I will call you Tuney." Lily said smartly as she led the way out of the station. "Where are mum and dad?" Lily asked trying to lighten up the mood between them by bringing in the parents.

"Mom is at home preparing dinner, and no one knows what happened with Dad." Petunia said as she looked down at the keys in her hand. "Mum sent me to get you."

The rest of the car ride passing in awkward silence, each of them silently worrying about the fact they had not heard from their Dad for a week.

"I'm home!" Lily yelled as she stepped over the threshold of her family's old townhouse.

"Nobody cares." Petunia hissed as she passed her and went up to her room. Lily rolled her eyes at her sister's back as she continued on her way to the kitchen.

"Hey, mum." Lily said as she watched her mom slice the potatoes for dinner.

"Well don't just stand there." Her mum hissed, never taking her eyes off the potatoes. "Cut the carrots." She turned to dump the potatoes in the pot and move on to slicing the onions. _'Joy we are having Chuck Roast, with carrots. I'm freaking allergic to carrots, but of course she forgot.'_ Grumbling to herself, Lily grabbed the carrots out of the fridge and started dicing.

"Mum I think I'm having a reaction." Lily mumbled. Her eyes were red and swollen. "Can I throw away the carrots?"

"No! I need them in the stew!" mum said as she grabbed the plate from Lily and dumped it into the boiling pot on the stove.

"Mum you know that I am allergic to carrots! I can't eat that now." Lily said looking at the stew in repulsion.

"Well then you can have something else. Vernon likes the carrots."

"Who's Vernon?"

"Vernon, Vernon Dursley. He is your sister's boyfriend. Honestly do you know nothing about our lives?" her mum said as she put the finishing touches on the pot and put it in the oven.

"Well, what am I going to have?"

"I don't care. Just make something." Her mum said as she started to make the biscuits. Lily just stared at her in disbelief before slowly going back to the foyer to grab her trunk and head upstairs. Maybe she would feel better after a long hot shower.

() () () () () () () ()

"Prongs, do you see her yet?" Sirius asked as they searched the platform for Mrs. Potter.

"No…wait, there she is!" James yelled as pulled his luggage across the platform toward the petite red head searching the crowds.

"Mum!" James yelled as he dropped his trunk behind him. He pulled her up into a hug, lifting her off the ground. When he set her back down, she had barely enough time to catch her balance before Sirius had her in the air again.

"Are you okay, Mrs. Potter?"

"Sweetie, I told you to call me Elle."

"How are you, mum?"

"I'm doing alright. Let's just go home." She said as she reached down and grabbed her purse. Mr. Potter had had another heart attack while they were at school and he his heath was failing fast.

"Okay, mum let's go." James said as he reached down and grabbed his trunk.

() () () () () () () ()

Three days later Lily was still not feeling better. Her mum and sister went out of their way to make sure she knew that they had lives when she was off at school. Today they had another lunch date with one of their mother daughter friends, and they were not too subtle at mentioning that she was uninvited as they had told them that Petunia was an only child. Apparently when she was at school it was like she never existed.

This depressing thought made her want to lie on her bed and do nothing for weeks. But she decided that she might as well do something so she got up slowly and headed downstairs. What she was not expecting to see was Petunia and her mum crying while sitting on the counter.

"I know things looked bad, but I still hoped…" Her mum started before she was overcome with tears.

"I know me too." Petunia said, pulling their mum on for a tight hug.

Curious she walked into the kitchen to see what was wrong.

"Tuney?" Lily called as she walked into the room. Both girls looked at her with tear-stained eyes.

"What do you want, freak?" Petunia spat as she was overtaken with tears again."You do freaky stuff all the time. Why couldn't you save him?" Petunia yelled as the tears started to flow freely again. Lily just stood there stunned. _'What did I do now? And was Tuney actually yelling at me for not using magic?' _

"What?" Lily said in barely more than a whisper.

"You did this to him! You're the reason I don't have a dad anymore!" she yelled, knocking over her chair as she stood up.

"Dad's gone, and you did nothing to save him!" Petunia shrieked.

Lily did not take this lightly. She had been pushed thin over the years and this was the breaking point. "He was my dad too!" Lily yelled back at her. She ran outside, not bothering to hide the tears that were flowing down her cheeks.

() () () () () () () ()

"James, he wants to see you." Elle Potter said as she emerged from her bedroom. The healer had spoken to them this morning and told them that it wasn't long before he would die. To say the least the Potter household has been rather gloomy.

"Hey dad." James called as he slowly closed the door behind him. His dad was lying on the bed with the curtains drawn and had a haunting look on his face.

"James, I know I'm going to be dying soon…"

"Dad…"

"No, my time is almost up, and I need to talk to you."

"Dad, stop acting like you're about die. You're not going to die."

"James, it might not be my time now, but my time is coming. And when it does I want to know that you will be here to take care of your mother."

"Dad…"

"Just promise me James." His dad said as he was overcome with another coughing fit. James just stood there and nodded, a single tear falling down his cheek.

"I promise." James chocked out before he turned around and left the room.

A/N- So what do you think?

How do you feel about Lily's reaction to the news?

What do you think Lily is going to do in future chapters as a result?

How long should Mr. Potter be in the picture?

How are we feeling about the moment between the Potter boys?

Do you think it's funny that I have three generations of Potter boys going after redheads?

What will happen in Chapter 16?

What is a good name for a magical bar? (I really need help on this)

Just a few questions for you…I have started on Chapter sixteen. I'm on like page 15 and I am not done with the big things I want to happen in that chapter, plus I have to edit, but I have another 2 weeks before I update, if not sooner…anyways please review, its great motivation!


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N-** Hey sorry it took me forever to update...it's just I got like zero inspiration for this chapter and softball conditioning is taking up all of my time.

Chapter 16- The Golden Snitch

Her breath was coming in puffs of air as she struggled to keep moving. Finally, she stopped running and looked around trying to take in her surroundings. She was standing on a beach, as she looked around she saw the water bashing against the rocks. Up on the hill she saw a house, wait it wasn't a house it was the old sailing club.

She realized that unconsciously she had run to where her father had first taught her to swim, where they went every time she came home for holidays. As she sat down on the edge of the shore, the water tickling her toes, a waterfall of memories crashed over her.

As she looked around she saw the place where her dad first taught her to swim. This is the place where he would take her after fights with Petunia and her mum. Her dad was the only one who understood her. How can he be gone?

Lily didn't know how long she stared out at the water with tears pouring down her cheeks. She snapped out of her memories to realize that it was no longer morning, it was dark outside. _'Shit. Mum is going to have a cow when I get home.' _Lily thought as she started on her way back home.

As Lily pushed open the door, she saw Petunia on the phone with someone from the navy and her mum was pacing the floor. "Hey mum, sorry I left I just needed to clear my head." Lily said as she walked into the kitchen.

"You left?" Her mum said, looking up at her with confusion in her eyes.

"I've been gone all day." Lily said slowly.

"Oh, I thought you were in your room. Petunia did you get a hold of them?" Her mum asked as she walked away from Lily and into the Living room to talk to Petunia.

'_Don't worry about me, just been gone all day. No big deal.'_ Lily thought as she walked up to her room. She was sick of her family not caring about her. How hard was it to find someone who actually cares about her? The one person in her family who actually liked her had gone, and he wasn't coming back.

Lily was overcome with another wave of tears at that thought. How could her father be gone? It seemed so unbelievable. Her dad was a naval captain. They don't die, they are the ones that survive the battle and come home. But he's not coming home.

Not for the first time, Lily cried herself to sleep.

The next morning was just as bad as could be suspected. A naval captain came by the house to pay his respects and return the person affects that her dad had left at base.

After he left the Evans household, an eerie silence swept over them. "I'm going to go to Vernon's." Petunia said as she walked out of the front door without a single glance back.

"I've got to get started on everything." Her mum said as she left the foyer and walked into the kitchen where they put all the information the navy had given them. Once again Lily was left alone.

She slowly trudged up the stairs and towards her room. As she entered, she looked at the walls that her dad had helped her paint. The only reason she had stayed at this house as long as she had was because of her dad.

She looked around at her room and remembered all the times she had thought about running away, but hadn't because her dad had talked her out of it. But he wasn't here this time. The only question was where she was going to go.

Her question was answered as she saw the tawny owl fly through her window and she flashbacked to what he said at the train station. He had said that if she needed a place to say to come and stay with him. And that's where she was going to go.

She made up her mind as she threw all of her belongings into her trunk. The only thing besides her school things and clothes that she packed was a small framed picture of her and her father from when she was younger.

She slammed her trunk shut and dragged it down the stairs. She walked right past her mum on her way out the door. Her mum didn't stop her, didn't even ask why she was carrying her trunk out of the house. But Lily didn't stop to dwell on it. She just kept moving, she had to keep moving.

() () () () () () () ()

Dan had just finished unpacking the last box when he heard a knock on the door. "Hey man, you ready?" John asked as he side-stepped Dan into the tiny living room.

"Yea, just give me a minute." Dan called as he walked into the kitchen to finish putting away the groceries, the last thing on his list.

"That's fine. I got to use your bathroom." Dan just shook his head as he shut the fridge. Suddenly he heard another knock. _'That's weird I thought it was just going to be me and John tonight.' _Dan thought as he opened the door to see a little red head with tear-stained eyes.

"Lily." He said as she ran forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him as close as she could. She needed someone to lean on and he was there. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just needed to get out of that house." _'Well that's half true.'_ Lily thought to herself as she pulled herself out of Dan's arms, careful not to show the tears that had started to fall.

"John's here. We're going to go out, if you want to come too."

"No, I don't want to ruin your night."

"Lil, come it will be fun. Plus I'm of age so that means firewhiskey!"

"You sure you don't mind?"

"I want you to come." Dan turned around to get John and Lily couldn't help but think that she would have rather stayed at her house. She didn't want to go out. She wanted to just stay here and sleep, but if she did that then Dan would stay too and she didn't want to ruin his night.

"So, where to?" Lily asked with a false sense of cheeriness.

"We're going to this new club opening in Hogsmeade." John called as he walked into the room. "You need to change." Looking down she realized that she was wearing an old t-shirt and sweat pants.

"Just let me take a shower and change I'll be 15 minutes." Lily said as she grabbed her trunk and pulled it into the bathroom.

() () () () () () () ()

"PRONGS!" Sirius bellowed as he walked towards his best mate's room. "Are you almost ready?" he yelled as he barged through the door to see him walking around without a shirt on.

"Yea, I can't find my shirt though."

"I noticed." Sirius smirked as he picked one off the floor and threw it at him. "Wear this."

"Pad, I cannot wear your old Metallica t-shirt. Why do you even have this? And why is it in my room?"

"I don't know. Here wear your old Quidditch shirt."

"Isn't it a muggle club?"

"No, it's a new one in Hogsmeade. Tonight is opening night."

"Alright, cool. Are we meeting the rest there?"

"Remus is already there and Pete and Steph are coming later."

"Ok then, let's go." James said as he pulled the t-shirt over his head and walked to the fireplace in his room.

A few minutes later, Remus, Sirius and James found themselves in a booth in the new club, The Golden Snitch. "When is Petey gonna get here?" Sirius asked, his words already slurring.

"I already told you he should be here soon." Remus sighed, he was the only one who was still able to sit up straight, and carting around a drunk Sirius and James is not fun.

"He should get here now." James pouted looking at the door. "Shit."

"What?" Remus sighed.

"That git who punched me just walked in." James said as he nodded his head towards Dan.

"Looks like he's got a date." Sirius smirked at him.

"You don't have a date either, it was supposed to be stag night but Peter had to go and ruin it by inviting Steph."

"And on that note I'm going to go." Steph said turning her gaze from James to Peter. "I told I shouldn't have come." With that she walked over to the entrance, but was stopped when she saw Lily and decided to catch up with her. _'Well, I'm already here and she looks like she needs a friend.' _Steph thought as she walked over to talk to Lily.

"Lily! Lily! Hey!" Steph called as she finally got the girl's attention. "What are you doing here?"

"I went over to Dan's new place and he wanted to come check this out. I was just going to head out. I think I'm crashing their boy's night out. What brings you here?"

"Similar story…Pete invited me, but I got the feeling it was supposed to be guy's night because no one else had dates so I made my excuse and ran. James and Sirius aren't exactly the best behaved drunks if you know what I mean." Steph laughed as she pulled her over to the bar.

"What can I do you for?" The bartender asked.

"Hey" Lily said a slight blush on her cheeks, "I'll have a firewhiskey, and she will have…" Lily turned to look at Steph, but found she was no longer there. "I guess just one firewhiskey then." Lily smiled as she turned back to face the old bartender.

"Normally I have to check I.D., but with your beauty you have to be at least twenty. How about I take you out after my shift? I can show you a good time." The bartender winked._ 'Okay you're a creeper. You don't even know my name and you're basically inviting me into your bed. Umm pass.'_

"I'm flattered, but my boyfriend over there doesn't really like it when I go out with other guys." Lily said as she dropped the money and grabbed the drink before the bartender could reply.

She made her way to where she pointed, finishing her drink and putting it down at a random table as she walked. She saw a guy she guessed to be about her age. "Hey do me a favor. Put your arm around me and give me a hug." She said when she was about a foot away from him.

"What?" He asked turning around, but Lily didn't see as she was too busy trying to see if the bartender was still watching her, he was.

"Just put your arm around me and give me a hug. This creepy guy is trying to hit on me so I told him I had a boyfriend. Please." Lily said as she turned around to face the guy she was talking to for the first time. He looked familiar, but with the firewhiskey and weird drinks she stole from Dan, she couldn't make out exactly who he was.

"How's this?" He asked as he pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head. He pulled away grinning. But Lily wasn't watching him. She was too busy making sure the bartender was still watching, he was.

"Good," Lily said as she stood up on her tip toes to reach the guys ear, "Now one last thing, turn and glare at the bartender looking at us."

James turned and glared at the creepy bartender who was still checking out Lily despite the fact that she told him she had a boyfriend. "He shouldn't bother you anymore." He said as he looked down at Lily. He couldn't believe that out of all the guys here, she chose him.

"Thanks." She said as she started to walk away, but she stumbled and almost fell on her face, with all of James' Quidditch training he caught her right before she hit the ground. _'Well that explains it. She's drunk.'_

"Whoa, are you alright?" He asked as he helped her gain her balance.

"Hey I know you." Lily said, completely ignoring his question. _'Shit.'_ James thought.

"You do?" He asked, hoping to keep the strain out of his voice. _'This is going to hurt.'_ He thought as he prepared himself for her slap.

"You're the guy that was in the common room, weren't you?"

'_Oh, so she didn't know it was me then. And she doesn't know it's me now.'_ "Yeah, that was me, but do you know who I am?" He said slowly.

"Nope," She said, popping her 'p'. "But I have been trying to figure it out. Can you tell me who you are?"

"I will tell you at the end of the night. Now you may not be too happy when you find out who I am. All I ask is that you judge me based off of tonight, not my past." He said, hoping that she will actually give him a chance.

"I know all about having a messy past. Don't worry. But you're not doing much to make me like you." Lily said as she plopped down in one of the booths.

"Well then, I guess I have to go get drinks. And what would my lady like to drink?" James said as he fake-bowed. He was ecstatic when he heard her giggle at it. _'Maybe I do have a better chance than I thought.'_

"I'll have gilly water. I have to keep my head on straight if I'm judging you."

"I won't try anything on you, I promise."

"You better not. And get me a firewhiskey!" She yelled at his retreating back. He waved his hand to show that he heard her. _'This is going to be interesting.'_ They both thought as they thought about the night they were going to have.

() () () () () () () ()

"Way to go Prongs. Do you know how long it took me to convince her to come?" Pete yelled as he hit the back of James' head.

"I told you to come alone anyways. It's supposed to be stag night."

"Mate, I'm a rat, you are the only one of us who is a stag."

"Haha, you're bloody hilarious." James snapped as he pushed himself off the table and walked over to the crowd forming around the dance floor. He was still grumbling about Pete's decision to bring Steph when someone came up behind him and said,

"Hey do me a favor. Put your arm around me and give me a hug."

() () () () () () () ()

Steph smiled as she realized who had pulled her away from Lily. "Look Steph, James says a lot of stuff when he's drunk that he wouldn't say normally. He's just mad because Pete has you and Lily still hates him." Remus said as he looked right into her eyes.

"It's fine Remus. I actually just found one of my friends so I was just going to hang with them." Steph said as she looked around for Lily.

"Well, James left if you want to go hang with Peter."

"I can see that." Steph said as she finally spotted Lily.

"What?"

"Look right there. He is talking to Lily. Why is she letting him touch her? DID HE JUST KISS HER HEAD?" Steph shrieked as she saw James bend down and kiss the top of Lily's head.

"And she is whispering in his ear." Remus muttered not believing what he was seeing.

"And he is putting his arm around her waist? What is the world coming to?"

"I don't know. Wait until the others find out."

"Don't tell them." Steph hissed as she pulled Remus back.

"Why?"

"Don't you think Sirius is going to tease her endlessly about this? It's probably why they wanted to keep it a secret in the first place."

"Fine, but when this comes out you cannot tell anyone that I knew. Sirius would kill me if he knew I knew and didn't tell him."

() () () () () () () ()

"Would my lady like to dance?" James asked as he offered his hand to Lily. A smile spread across his face when he felt her small hand in his, and led her out to the dance floor. He was determined to change her mind about him.

The two danced for three hours before finally heading back to their table, completely exhausted. "Alright, tell me something about you." Lily said as she plopped down.

"What do you want to know?"

"Something about your family."

"Well, I'm, an only child, although my dad kind of adopted one of my friends, he stays with my family over breaks and the summer."

"Oh, why does he stay with you?"

"He and his family don't exactly see eye to eye if you know what I mean."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked."

"Its fine, everyone does."

"Well this is depressing." Lily said as she slammed another empty bottle of firewhiskey on the table.

"Haha, and you're blunt, but you're right. Let's talk about something else. What's your family like?"

"I thought you didn't want to talk about something depressing." Lily snorted, "Well, my mom is a stay at home mom, and my sister, Petunia, well she hates me and I have no idea why."

"Oh, umm…what about your dad?" James said in an attempt to make her feel better, but this just caused her to break down. "Shhh…it's okay." James said as he pulled her across the booth and into his lap.

"It's going to be okay." James said as he rubbed small circles on her back, trying to calm her down. "Do you want to talk about it? You don't have to." He said quickly as he felt her slightly pulling out of his grasp.

"I just…it just happened. I mean I knew there was a chance, but you never expect it to happen. How can he just be gone? He was supposed to always be there for me, but now he is just gone." Lily managed to choke out before another wave of tears crashed over her.

James just held her tight. He understood what she was trying to say. Her dad had passed away, and now she felt alone. He couldn't help but think that if his dad had died after that second heart attack, that he would be the one crying on someone's shoulder totally trashed in the middle of some bar. "I know it's hard, but you have to remember that you aren't alone. You have your friends and you have me."

"Thank you" Lily chocked out as she rested her head back against his shoulder.

**A/N**- Once again sorry it took so long to do this. If you have any ideas at all for Chapter 17 that would be much appreciated…and as always I have questions. =D

How are you feeling about Dan?

Do you judge James for not telling her right away who he is?

What do you think is going to happen next?

Do you think playing softball year round, being part of my church youth group, volunteering through said youth group, and being part of AFS is enough activities to get in to NHS?

Honestly what do you think of this chapter?


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17- What?

The rest of the night passed by like a fairytale, the young couple laughed, and drank, and talked, and were having a good time. In both of their opinions it passed too fast. But it didn't matter because at the end of the night when James revealed who he was, Lily didn't care and they lived happily ever after…

As you probably guessed, this is not what happened. Now it's a little hard to explain so just bear with me. Where did we leave off? Oh yes…

"Thank you" Lily chocked out as she rested her head back against his shoulder. James didn't say anything he just kept slowly rubbing her back, whispering soothing noises in her ear as he tried to calm her down.

"Do you want to talk about it?" James asked after awhile of it being silent.

"It just happened…I…it's really hard."Lily chocked out as another wave of tears spilled over. James nodded his head and pulled her against his chest.

"Potter? What are you doing with my girl?" Dan asked as he stumbled over to where the young couple was sitting.

"YOUR girl?"

"Potter?" Lily whispered as she turned around and faced the boy who currently had his hands around her. "It was you? This whole time it was you?" Lily asked as she stared deep into his eyes trying to see what he was thinking. "How could you just string me along like that?" Lily asked as she stared at him in disbelief, and immediately jumped off his lap. "I can't believe you would stoop that low." Lily spat as she turned and ran.

"Lily, no!" James yelled after her, "That's not what happened…" James shouted at her retreating form, but she never looked back. "Way to go McKinnon." James spat as he turned around to face a woozy Dan.

"Hey not my fault you lied to her. Maybe if you actually cared you would have told her you really are. Don't go blaming me for your mistakes. I'm actually looking out for her!"

"Hah that's rich. I don't care for her? Look at yourself! You don't even know what just happened do you? She comes to you all upset and you take her out to drinks! Did you ever even ask her why she was upset did you? Her father just died! Her father just bleeding died and you're taking her out for drinks? Yea shows how much you care." James sneered as he turned away and tried to determine where Lily had gone. But she was nowhere to be found.

() () () () () () () ()

'_How could he do that? How could he just pretend to care like that? I can't believe I broke down in front of him. When we get back to school he is never going to let me forget this.' _Lily thought as she ran through the crowd of people. _'What if he wasn't pretending?'_ A small voice in her head said the same voice that always told her that when he was asking her out he actually meant it. But just as it did then, the other voices in her head drowned it out.

'_He had to be lying. He can't actually care can he?'_

'_Of course he cares. He wouldn't let you cry on him like that if he didn't.'_

'_He is just using you. As soon as you go back to school he is going to be rubbing this in your face nonstop. You can't think about him like that! He doesn't actually care, so you can't either.'_

Lily ran through the doors onto the street outside, she just kept running, she couldn't stop, because if she stops then everything you crash over her, and if she starts to cry then she will never be able to stop.

She ran all the way up to the school without even thinking about it. Her feet just took her to her favorite willow tree by the lake. She just collapsed right next to it as the tears started falling. _'How could this day get anymore screwed up?'_ Lily thought as she saw the sun rise up over the lake. It was a beautiful sight, another day was coming, another beginning. She sighed, pulling her journal out of her bag, she had to clear her mind and get it all down on paper so it was no longer inside of her, threatening to overtake her sanity.

() () () () () () () ()

James ran through the door of the club and looked down the street trying to figure out where Lily would run to. He had spent months obsessing over her; he had to know where she would go. And then it struck him, the place she always went to whenever she was stressed, whenever she had gotten into a fight with someone, the willow tree.

() () () () () () () () () ()

Steph squirmed in her booth as she tried to look innocent, but she was just about to burst. As she glanced at Remus, she was shocked by how calm he looked. _'How can he be calm? He just saw Lily and James! Either he really doesn't care or he is a really good actor.'_

Sirius sat grumpily at the table as he looked between Steph and Remus. Something had happened between the two of them. Steph looked like she was about to burst and Remus wasn't looking anyone in the eye. _'What could have happened to freak both of them out?'_ Sirius thought as he tried to grab Peter's eye.

Peter, however, did not notice the change in Remus or Steph when they came back.

He was laughing at something Steph said when he noticed Sirius looking at him, a question in his eyes. "What?" Peter mouthed. Sirius just looked between Steph and Remus and then back at him.

"What?" Peter said again, although this time out loud. Steph and Remus looked up at him in confusion. However, Sirius didn't miss a beat, he quickly grabbed Peter's arm and dragged him away from the table.

() () () () () () () ()

He ran towards the lake as fast as he could, faster than he had ever run before. And sure enough there she was leaning against the tree staring out over the lake. She looked so serene, so beautiful, even though her hair was all messed up, and she was just laying there, her face in a book.

He stood there for a second just wondering _'How am I supposed to explain this?'_ But when she looked up and he saw the tears in her eyes, all thoughts just wiped from his mind and he slowly walked over to her.

"I'm sorry." James said as he put his hand on her shoulder. "I didn't mean for you to find out like that. I was going to tell you who I was. I just wanted to figure out how to tell you without you being mad, or end up hating me…because I really like you Lily."

"James…"

"No, listen. I really like you and I didn't want to screw this up…I just… Did you just call me James?" He said suddenly, looking at her with a confused expression.

Lily snorted, "Well, you called me Lily."

"Yes, but I like you, you hate me." James said as he pulled his hand off of her shoulder to run through his hair.

"I don't hate you." Lily mumbled as she stared out over the lake.

() () () () () () () ()

"What the hell was that all about?" Peter hissed as he ripped his arm out of Sirius' grasp.

"Hey!" Sirius yelped as Peter hit him in the arm.

"Tell me what was with all the nodding between Steph and Remus. You looked like your eyes were about of pop out of your head.

"Tell me that you thought everything back there was normal."

"What are you talking about? Everything was fine until you started getting all weird." Peter huffed.

"Everything was not fine! Steph and Remus have been acting weird every since they came back from getting drinks. And don't you deny it! You know it's true!" Sirius yelled, pointing his finger in Peter's face.

"Merlin! I know what this is all about." Peter said as he glared at Sirius. "You're jealous!"

"What?" Sirius asked whatever he was expecting Peter to say that was not it.

"Of course how could I have missed it?" Peter mumbled to himself, "That's why you always act weird around her now, and why you are always complaining about me spending time with her. This is why you didn't want her here tonight! You're jealous of me!"

"Wow mate, I cannot even tell you how wrong you are right now, but look at them," he pointed back to the table where Remus and Steph seemed to be discussing something important based on the hand gestures. "There is something going on between them!" Sirius shouted.

"Hey! Don't go making up crap just because Marissa left you and you're feeling sorry for yourself. And frankly I'm shocked she didn't dump you sooner!" Peter shouted but immediately regretted it as he felt Sirius fist hit the side of his face and down he went.

() () () () () () () ()

"What was that?"

"I said, 'I don't hate you.'" Lily said slowly as she turned to look up at him.

"How drunk are you right now?" James asked as he squatted down and looked into her eyes, trying to gauge how much she had had to drink.

"Very funny James, but that's not why I'm saying it. I told you I don't hate you because I don't. I just think you're really annoying."

"Wow, you're blunt when you're drunk."

"I'm not drunk!" Lily huffed as she glared at James.

"Okay…" James mumbled as he sat down next to her.

() () () () () () () ()

"How are you taking this so well?" Steph nearly yelled as soon as Peter and Sirius were out of earshot. She was really happy that Sirius had pulled Peter away from the table, because she thought if she went another minute trying to sit still in the awkward silence at the table she was going to lose it.

"You think I'm taking this well? I'm about to bleeding lose my mind!" Remus said as he rubbed his temples.

"But…but you were so calm?" Steph stuttered, _'Is he really as unnerved as I am?'_

"I just…I can't wrap my head around it."

"I know! I mean I barely knew them, and even I could tell those two are polar opposites. Maybe that's why though…"

"What do you mean? That's why what?"

"That's why there a couple!" Steph squealed as she threw her hands up into the air. "They complement each other!"

"I don't know where you've been but the INSULT each other; well at least Lily insults James."

"Aren't you supposed to be the smart one? I said complement, not compliment!"

"How do they complement each other?" Remus asked still confused.

"You're hopeless." Steph muttered as she turned and saw Sirius punch Peter. "Oi!" she yelled as she ran over to her boyfriend.

() () () () () () () ()

"What the bloody hell was that for?" Peter asked as he stumbled to his feet, rubbing his jaw.

"Don't talk about Marissa." Sirius said through a clenched jaw.

"Why? Still sore that she left you?" Peter sneered as he glared at Sirius.

"I told you to stop talking about her!" Sirius yelled as he threw another punch at Peter and stalked away.

() () () () () () () ()

"What the hell?" Steph yelled as she ran up to Peter who was still lying on the floor. "Why did he punch you?" She was still yelling as she bent down and tried to help Peter stand up.

"Marissa." Peter sputtered as he spit out a mouth full of blood.

"Marissa? I'm Steph, sweetie."

"I think he means he was teasing Sirius about Marissa." Remus said solemnly, as though at the bedside of a sick relative.

"What happened with Marissa?"

"She broke up with Sirius two days ago and he's still a little sore about it. That really wasn't a smart move, Peter." Remus added.

"Well, he was annoying me." Peter said as he sat up.

"Oh Pete, that doesn't mean you shove his break up in his face. Sweetie, I think you really crossed a line." Steph said as she rubbed his back.

() () () () () () () ()

"Wow," James mumbled, "Are you sure you're not drunk?" In his mind he was overjoyed at what she had just said. He had to force himself to stay squatted down in front of her and keep the grin off of his face.

Lily said as she continued looking at her foot, "I'm not drunk."

"Oh,"

"I know I haven't exactly shown that I don't hate you through the years, but I don't James. You're just annoying and immature."

"Ouch."

"That's not what I meant. It's just…well take tonight for example. Instead of telling me who you were, you just strung me along the whole night for a laugh." Lily said as she stood up and turned her back to him. She didn't want him to see her look vulnerable. "Vulnerable? You are not vulnerable; he does not make you vulnerable.' Lily told herself as she pulled her face together.

"I didn't do this for a laugh." James whispered as he stepped up behind her.

"What?" Lily asked as she turned around so fast she almost crashed into him, she didn't realize he had gotten so close.

"You heard me. I didn't do this for a laugh. I did this because I really like you and I wanted to actually get to know you."

"Then why did you put up this whole charade? Why didn't you just trying to talk to me?"

"Would you have listened to me? Would you have talked to me?"

"OK, I see your point. But…" Lily desperately tried to think of something to make herself look better, but her mind didn't seem to be working.

"But nothing Lils, you wouldn't have given me a chance and you know it. I did what I had to do to spend some time with you. And I don't regret it." He said as he took another step closer to her. Lily desperately tried to think of something anything, but again her mind was failing her.

"You still shouldn't have lied to me…" she said feebly and looked down at the ground, but her head snapped up again as she heard James' booming laugh.

"OK, I shouldn't have lied to you." James said while grinning, "But I can't resist making you mad. You look so cute when your threatening to kill me."

"I never threatened to kill you." Lily said, she was surprised to find herself blushing.

"After the Welcome Feast in second, third and fourth year, when Sirius sent you and Marissa that bouquet of snapping snap dragons in third year, when stood up for you in Transfiguration in third year…" But he was cut off as Lily placed her hand over his mouth.

"Ok so maybe I threatened to kill you a few times," Lily felt James try to talk after she said this but she just sent him a look and he stopped fighting to be heard. "As I was saying, I may have threatened you a few times," James snorted at this but Lily chose to ignore this, "BUT I never followed through did I? Those were just empty threats. I wasn't actually going to kill you."

After a few minutes of silence, Lily noticed that she still had her hand over James' mouth and she slowly lowered it. "By the way, it was 294 times that you threatened to kill me, not exactly a few."

"I did not threaten to kill you that many times." Lily scoffed.

"Oh yes you did, Sirius was nice enough to keep count, and then shove it in my face every time…" James stopped talking abruptly as he realized what he almost said. But Lily was quick on the up take.

"Every time you what?" Lily asked as she took a step closer to him, enjoying how he looked when he squirmed.

"Every time I asked them why my latest scheme to get you to like me didn't work," James sighed. "It's so nice that I had Padfoot there to tell me that it was because you wanted me dead as you threatened to do insert number of times here times."

"Insert number of times here?"

"Well, it kind of happened a lot."

"Oh, sorry." Lily said as she looked down at the ground a blush spreading across her cheeks again.

"It's alright, gave me more time to figure out why I liked you so much." James said as he took another step closer to her, and Lily, if possible, blushed even deeper.

**A/N- **Sorry it took me soooooo long to update but my life has been hectic recently with softball, wrestler, and trying to keep my grades decent. I will try to update earlier now, but frankly I have had no motivation what so ever…and I promise to start replying to your reviews again so please send them =)


	18. Chapter 18

_"Every time you what?" Lily asked as she took a step closer to him, enjoying how he looked when he squirmed._

_"Every time I asked them why my latest scheme to get you to like me didn't work," James sighed. "It's so nice that I had Padfoot there to tell me that it was because you wanted me dead as you threatened to do insert number of times here times."_

_"Insert number of times here?"_

_"Well, it kind of happened a lot."_

_"Oh, sorry." Lily said as she looked down at the ground a blush spreading across her cheeks again._

_"It's alright, gave me more time to figure out why I liked you so much." James said as he took another step closer to her, and Lily, if possible, blushed even deeper._

Chapter 18- One Big Migraine

"James…" Lily said as she took a step backwards, trying to put some more space between them, but James just took a step forward.

"Lily, I meant what I said, I really do care for you." This statement caused Lily's blush to deepen more than humanly possible and she felt herself looking down at her shoes again. That is until James' hand grasped under her chin and pulled her face up to his. "Lily…" He whispered again as he lowered his face to hers.

Lily just stood there frozen, completely forgetting how to move, let alone speak. But once James whispered her name it all came flooding back to her and she took a few steps backward "No. I'm sorry James, but I can't do this." She turned to run again and this time, James just watched her go.

Lily sprinted past the lake and the castle, she had no idea where she was going, at this point she was running to run, not to get away from James or Dan or her mother or Petunia. She was just running. She was unaware of how long she ran around the grounds, all she knew was that she was by the lake again, and James was gone. She slowed down and walked over to her tree. She only meant to rest until she caught her breath, but in no time the tiredness of this never-ending day crashed over her.

() () () () () () () ()

"Peter, are you sure you don't know where Sirius went?" Remus sighed. Sirius had disappeared two hours ago and no one, not even James, who looked quite lost himself, knew where he went.

"I already told you I have no bloody idea where that wanker went!" Peter spat as he readjusted the ice pack on his face, wincing at the cold.

"Remus why don't you go search Hogsmeade with James, I'll watch Peter." Steph said as she pulled of the ice to see of it had started to bruise yet.

"Alright, if he comes back here send him to the Potter Manor and then come find us okay?"

"Will do." Steph said as she placed the ice back on Peter's rapidly swelling eye.

() () () () () () () ()

Much too soon, in Lily's opinion she felt the sunlight try to creep in through her eyelids. Lily groaned and turned around, burrowing her face deeper into the tree, which was surprisingly soft. Lily stayed where she was, desperately trying to recover the nice dream she was having. She had been riding her purple elephant and was about to meet the prince. But here in reality, there was no prince for her and no purple elephants, there was just one big migraine. Lily sighed and pulled the covers up over her head, trying to go back to the wonderful place called Dreamland where nothing had to make sense, and nothing had to hurt.

After a few minutes of trying to go back to sleep, she realized that this was not going to happen. _'Well might as well get up now, Mom is probably wondering why I'm not up yet.' _It felt like ice surrounding her heart as she remembered the events of the previous day.

'_Wait if I fell asleep by the willow tree, how do I have covers? And why is it soft? Well if I can't go back to sleep I might as well open my eyes.'_ Slowly, Lily opened her eyes to see a gold sheet pulled up over her head. _'How in the blazes did this get here?_' Still extremely confused Lily pulled the sheet off her head, only to discover that the sheet refused to come off.

Slightly panicking, Lily started to kick and punch at the sheets only to cause them to tighten around her. _'Holy Crap this is how I'm going to die…'_ Lily thought as she felt the sheet tighten once more and the cool fabric against her mouth.

Now in a full-fledged panic, Lily started to really throw her body into getting out of this sheet-cocoon-thingy. Suddenly something that sounded remarkably like a snort emitted from somewhere to her right. The sound caused her to jump even higher and flop right off of whatever she was sleeping on.

'_Oww, okay that hurt.'_ Now there was no mistaking the booming laughter this time. The fall to the floor somehow caused her head to wiggle free of the bed sheet and for the first time she was able to take in surroundings.

She was in a room, a rather large room, with deep red walls and a plush gold carpet that matched the sheets she was entangled with. To her left was a massive four poster bed, and to her right stood a teenage boy with unbelievable messy hair laughing his heart out at her.

"What are you doing here? And why aren't you helping me get out of this death trap?"

"Well first of all, I kind of live here, and that 'death trap' is called a sheet." James laughed as he leaned down and pulled the offending sheet off her in a quick grab, causing Lily to roll across the room and into the chair that James had been sitting in not too long ago.

"Humph" Lily groaned as she slammed into the legs of the chair, causing James to laugh harder at her. "That is not funny, it bloody hurt!" Lily groaned as she sat up and leaned against the back of the chair.

"Well in that case, I'm sorry I laughed." James smirked as he slid down against the bed, across from her.

"What do you mean you live here? And where is here? Merlin, my head hurts."

"I mean I live here, this is my house. And your head hurts because you drank like crazy last night."

"How did I get here?" Lily whispered as she rubbed her temples.

"Now don't get mad, but I saw you sleeping against the tree, so I might have brought you back to my house so you wouldn't have to sleep outside. I was worried about you, but I didn't do anything else I swear!" James said as he held up his hands.

"I believe you." Lily whispered, "But please, just stop talking."

James just chuckled quietly to himself as he walked over to Lily and picked her up in his arms. "What are you doing?" Lily whispered into his chest.

"Making you feel better." James whispered back. Gently he laid her back on the bed, "Now try and sleep it off, that's really all you can do." James whispered to her as he pushed her fiery red hair off of her face.

"Don't go." Lily whispered so quietly that he almost didn't hear her.

"What?" James said out loud forgetting to whisper, causing her to wince.

"Stay, just don't talk anymore." Her hand had wrapped around his wrist and pulled him down on the bed next to her. Cautiously, he laid down next to her and started to stroke her hair as he watched her drift off to sleep, and it wasn't long before he too, was asleep.

() () () () () () () ()

"Padfoot are you ever going to tell us what happened last night?" Remus said as he, once again, tried to determine where Sirius had gone after he ran off.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"You didn't even tell us what happened between the two of you! You can't keep keeping us in the dark. Eventually you will tell us what happened. I just can't understand why you can't just tell us now."

"Because I don't even know! She wouldn't tell me. All she said was that she was happier when we were apart and she wanted to keep it that way." Sirius said moodily as he plopped down on the couch. "I just don't understand what I did wrong." Sirius whispered.

"Well I'll tell you one thing you did wrong. You let her get away with it. Did you even try and fight for her?"

"I tried everything I could think of, but she just ran away. I mean she's sixteen she can tell who makes her happy by now and I'm obviously not that person."

"Merlin, how stupid are you? Even a blind man could see how affectionately she looks at you. And if you want her back I suggest you get off Prong's couch and actually do something about it!"

() () () () () () () ()

"Thank you for staying." Peter said as he watched Steph scamper around the room trying to find all of her clothes.

"Pete, I love you." Steph said as she zipped up her skirt, "I'm always going to be here for you."

"I love you too." Peter said as he pulled Steph back down onto his bed, frantically crushing his mouth against hers.

"Pete, I really have to go, last night was amazing, but my parents will be home in an hour and I have to act like I've been there the whole time. And your mom should be coming up to check on you soon."

"Don't go." He mumbled as he tried to pull her back towards him.

"I'll meet you back here for lunch while your mom is at church, but right now I really have to go." She said, and with one quick kiss she was pulling her shirt over head and walking out the door.

Peter sighed as he rolled onto his back. _'Last night was amazing.'_ He thought as he mentally reviewed everything that happened since Remus left the bar. Peter drifted off to sleep with images of last night replaying in his head.

() () () () () () () ()

"James" Lily muttered as she shifted her head against his chest. Unconsciously his arm around her waist tightened, pulling her closer to him. "James…" Lily whispered again as she opened her eyes to see the unfamiliar red walls staring back at her. As she turned her head she saw that James was still asleep. His chest rose and fell in a slow rhythm. She had never noticed how peaceful he looked when he was sleeping. He looked like a little child with his hair sticking out every which way and his glasses dangling off his nose.

Trying hard not to jostle him, Lily reached up and removed his glasses for him. When she leaned over to set the on the table however, his arms tightened around her and pulled her on top of him. "James." Lily said with an annoyed tone in her voice, but he still slept on.

Lily sighed as she looked down at him. _'Any other day this would have creeped me out and I would be throwing a temper tantrum right now. But honestly I don't mind it now. Wait, I don't mind that I am lying on top of Potter? Potter!'_ But even as Lily thought this, it didn't repulse her to be in such close proximity to him. She felt at peace as she felt his chest rise and fall beneath her, and this gentle motion soon soothed her back to sleep, with her head lying on his shoulder right next to his face.

() () () () () () () ()

"Sirius! Just bloody go over to her house already and ask her you're driving me insane!" Remus shouted as he once again walked in on Sirius pacing around the room, muttering under his breath.

"But should I? What if I don't want to know why?"

"Well do you want to spend the rest of your life wondering 'what if' or do you want to have the guts to go over and ask why she suddenly decided you two shouldn't be together?"

"I still just don't know if it's the right thing."

"Well then go talk to Prongs! Ask him, and stop moping around because it's pissing me off!" Sirius just stuck out his tongue as he made his way to Prong's room.

"PRONGS!" Sirius bellowed as he made his way up the stairs. Mr. And Mrs. Potter were both at St. Mungo's for Mr. Potter's check up. "PRONGS!"

() () () () () () () ()

"PRONGS!" James jolted awake. Slowly he opened up his eyes to see that he wasn't in his room. _'Humph that's odd.'_ "PRONGS!" He tried to sit up only to realize that something was on his chest. Looking down, he recognized the red curls that covered his shoulder. Surprisingly his moving around had not woke her up. Gently, he poked her sides.

"Lily…Lily, come on sweetie it's time to get up." He felt her nuzzle deeper into his shoulder as if trying to block out his voice. He snorted at her behavior and poked her again. "It's time to get up."

"PRONGS, WHERE ARE YOU?" James heard, followed by a slam of a door. _'Crap.'_ Slowly James tried to untangle his legs from hers, but the simple motion of him moving his legs seemed to have jostled her awake.

"James?" She said tiredly as she slowly lifted her head to see him smirking at her.

"Good morning. Did you sleep okay?"

"Ugh, my head still hurts." Lily said as she dropped her head onto what she now realized was his bare chest.

"PRONGS!" Sirius bellowed as he opened the door to the guest room, and saw Lily lying on top of him. "What are you two doing?" He yelled as he slapped one of his hands over his eyes and tried to turn around, but he ended up crashing into the door and falling on his arse.

"Well, as of five minutes ago we were sleeping but your obnoxious yelling woke us up."

"You sleep in that position?" Sirius called from his spot on the floor.

"Sirius, will you please shut up?" Lily hissed at him.

"Sorry, but you have to admit it is quite a shock." Sirius whispered back.

"Padfoot you can open your eyes." James chuckled.

"Is she off of you? I don't need to see any of that."

"Yes, she's off. Now what did you want." Slowly Sirius uncovered his eyes as if to test whether or not James was telling the truth. But when he glanced at the bed he saw both of them sitting up and leaning against the headboard. And while they were not on top of each other, Lily's head was buried in James' shoulder and he had his arm around her.

"I, err, well I actually wanted to talk to you...alone." Sirius added with a quick glance at Lily.

"If it's about why you punched Peter last night you can say it in front of her, I mean she already knows." James said as he shot Sirius a meaningful look that basically said 'if-that's-not-what-it's-about-then-it-will-have-to-wait-because-I-am-enjoying-this-too-much'.

"Yea that's what it is, Moony thinks I should go and try to talk to her about it but…"

"I agree." James cut across him.

"But what if I don't like what she tells me?"

"Then you grow up and deal with it. It's better to know and be unhappy about it then to spend your whole life wondering why."

"Are you talking about you and Marissa?" Lily said as she readjusted her head so she could see Sirius. The blush that spread to his cheeks was all the confirmation she needed. "Go and talk to her. I've been worried about her too. And I think there is something wrong. She is so miserable now, please just go and talk to her."

"But what if she won't listen to me? What if she won't even see me?"

"Then at least you tried. And trust me that's not going to happen she loves you."

"Okay…" Sirius said as he turned to walk out of the room, "You two love birds try to keep your hands off each other now!" He called as he shut the door. The sound of objects being thrown at the door made him smile as he walked into his room trying to figure out how he was going to talk to Marissa about this.

() () () () () () () ()

"Do you know why Marissa is acting like that?" James asked as he turned to face Lily, who had moved her head back into his shoulder.

"I'm not sure. But it's either something really serious or really stupid." Lily mumbled.

"What do you mean really stupid?"

"I mean," Lily said as she sat up and looked at the wall, _'I cannot believe I am telling him this.'_ "I mean…I don't know how exactly to say this but Marissa has major commitment issues. Her dad ran out on them when she was younger and ever since she's had trouble trusting people. She always thinks they are going to leave." Lily continued to stare at the wall, not wanting to see how James took this information.

"Wow, I never knew that." James mumbled after a few minutes of silence.

"And you still don't." Lily said quickly as she stood up. "Hey, I think I'm going to go take a shower. Is that okay?"

"Yea, it's right through there." James said pointing to the adjourning door on the left. He still had a calculating look on his face.

() () () () () () () ()

'_Marissa, I was wondering why you so suddenly ended our relationship? No that sounds stupid. Marissa, why? No that sounds too whiney. Oh I know, Could you just tell me what I did? No no no! Why does all of this make me sound whiney or a git?'_ Sirius thought as he paced his room for the hundredth time. _'I know I'll just walk over there and speak my mind! I mean she broke up with me in a bloody letter! I deserve some answers!'_ Sirius thought as he picked up the letter and read it once again.

Sirius

I don't know how to say this, so I'm just going to say it. After all you always told me not to sugar-coat things and just come out with it. So here goes nothing, I don't think we should date anymore. I know this is probably a surprise, but you have to understand that you did nothing wrong. I just can't be with you anymore. I'm sorry. I still love you, and I always will.

Marissa

Fury spread through Sirius as he re-read the note. _'How could she just do this to me? That's it I'm going over there!'_ And with that Sirius grabbed his cloak off the bed and stormed out of Potter Manor towards the McKinnon Estate.

**A/N- **Wow, it has been forever since I updated, and for that I am sorry. Life is just so hectic right now with softball and a lot of personal things, so writing wasn't on the top of my list and to be honest, I kind of forgot about it. But don't worry I just thought of a great plot twist for next chapter and I can't wait for your reactions to it. So send the reviews my way and I'll get motivated enough to type!


End file.
